So tell your friends I'm obsessive and crazy, that's fine... I'll tell mine you're gay.

[seducedbydreams]

...You know what?

...I had a long ass post typed just now about what I thought of these recent developments.

I want all of my people who know my situation to answer this question:

Seriously. Isn't it fucked up how I was done? Sure. Why? ...Isn't it fucked up how anyone is done by any other soul on this earth when they don't get their way or when things don't work out for the "best" or whatever? Haha, why of course! Life isn't fair and it damn sure won't always work out exactly how you want it to. You should know that, right? Hell, I know that. Welcome to the circle. I don't want pitter patter answer bullshit.  I want NON-sugarcoated answers. Leave me a comment, and tell me the fucking truth. I'm tired of this whole "Just smile and be happy." bullshit. That's like telling me to be happy because even though my wife cheated on me, she's happy with the new guy.

Doesn't work that way. So seriously. I want some opinions.

Because at this point?

....I'm seriously pissed off that this has happened to me AGAIN.
It didn't happen with me AGAIN. Just this once since "back in the day." Don't make it sound like this is a repeating occurence. The first time might've been when we had JUST broken up and were trying to fix it. Well, clearly there is no fixing it, now is there?

I've done my share of bending over backwards, I accepted the shit she did to me, and I let her get away with a hell of a lot more than I'd let any other woman get away with. But quite frankly? I think she took it for granted, and now look where I am. Left out in the fucking rain.

1. She abandoned me like Jimmi abandoned her.
1. We weren't dating. I really had NO obligation to call/text, to be blunt.
-She didn't call for days.
-Neither did you.
- No call/text like she did when she was depressed and Jimmi was treating her like shit.
-Hard to text back when you don't have the phone and are texting from the Sprint website, there smart-one.
- She stopped the "I love you"s.
-Realizations can be hell.
- She was non-chalant and didn't give me one fucking ounce of truth about this "new guy".
-Sure, let me go off and tell you about EVERY guy I either happen to talk to or are barely interested in when I know it probably won't go ANYWHERE.

2. She lied to me.
2. Waiting to see where something went and just how serious it might be isn't lying. You didn't tell me SHIT about Chrissy until I asked. Even then you DENIED that you were talking/interested. Don't feed everyone this bullshit when you are just as guilty.
- She claimed that she was broken and needed time, but was talking to some guy from a dragstrip race?
-Let me spell it out for you...
TALKING.
T-A-L-K-I-N-G.
Not DATING.
D-A-T-I-N-G
See the difference?
-Didn't tell me anything about it, knowing damn well that I needed to know shit like this.
-Why tell you when it wasn't even that serious. Again: TALKING. It last all of 3 weeks. Woooohoooooo, buddy, is he a keeper!
- She knew I'd be crushed by it. Protect my feelings? It hurts even worse that she didn't say anything.
-Damn right I knew it would. And lookie. From this I was right, now wasn't I? Funny how you pull THIS shit, talk to everyone else BUT me, and not come to ME about it at all. Funny how I'd be there when you were texting say... My penguin or my sister.

3. She swore to me that I wasn't a distraction.
3. You weren't. At least, not until you kept whining and/or being emoslitwrist over it. I do NOT need that from a FRIEND.
- I asked her time and again, and she gave me false hope.
-Not really. You honestly weren't a distraction, but sure. Whatever.
- She made me believe that she was in love with me.
-Hm, this is where my realiztion comes into play. See, I love you...But I'm not IN love with you. I'll always have feelings for you but never the kind that can grow back into the love you want or need. Yeah, I can admit it and understand that now. I did fuck up in this aspect but at the time... I didn't know this.
- She does away with me, and doesn't give a shit how I end up.
-I still care, do NOT get it twisted and play me off to be like that.

4. This is the kicker: Finally getting with someone else and leaving me stranded.
4. It wasn't like I planned it all out or anything. Honest. It started out just as catching up on old times... And this will be the kicker: it was love at first sight.
- No love from her.
-Yeah, I still love you but only in platonic terms.
- No Calls or Texts from her to even see how I'm doing.
-Funny how you pull this shit when you sent me texts stating you were LEAVING. What do you want from me? When I ask for time or say I'm leaving I pretty much think that I won't be getting texts or calls from anyone. That's what LEAVING is, right? Or maybe I'm just fucked up in the head. Sure.
- No E-Mails.
-See above.
- She didn't talk to me at all about this.
-I'm going to tell you exactly what Penguin told Micki-boy.
We.
Are.
Not.
Dating.
I do not have to clear every choice that I make in life with you. I can let you know, sure, if you didn't give me the idea that you were done and gone.
- She basically replaced me, as I thought she would. But no, she told me to believe in her.
-Hard to replace something that you let go off. You can't replace the love that you had with someone with the love of someone new. Love isn't like that. It's about making new love and working to grow.

What do I think of love at this point?

I'm fucking sick of it.
Sure you are. Just like every other time you said this shit then found you a "shawty" that was "the one" within a few days.

What do I think of her at this point?

...I'm fully fucking convinced that we'll never be together again.
I couldn't agree more.

Why?

Because she doesn't give a damn about me. She was right about one thing: We can't be friends.
Here is where you get it twisted again. Tsk, tsk... Didn't you learn NOT to put words into other people's mouths? I never once said that I didn't give a damn. I never said that it any way, shape, or form in call/text/email. It's like your brain is editing it into what you want to hear or see from repurcussions of actions taken by YOU or how I handled a situation.

We admitted to that a long fucking time ago. She tells me that she cares about my feelings, that she loves me but she's scared of me, all this and that.

Well, she must not be too scared. Because some other guy is getting the very things that I longed for and put my heart and soul into. Everything that I've done was all so some other man could pretty much take over.
What you did.. Didn't do SHIT for this guy and what we have. Sorry. He isn't "taking over" anything that you "worked so hard for." That isn't how it works, period.

The shit would be different if she was straight up about it, and just came out and was real with me. When I was talking to Chrissy? I told her. Bullshit. When I dated Chrissy for that short while? I told her. Again, bullshit. EVERYTHING. I was never once vague with the shit I did. DOUBLE bullshit. I had to ASK before you'd own up to it and actually my PENGUIN is the one who showed me and told me at first. She knew exactly where my heart was, where I was putting it, and how I felt about everything. People say "Oh, you dated Chrissy. Let her date this guy." That's all fine and fucking dandy. I don't give a shit if she dates this dude. MY issue was the way she went about it. MY issue was the fact that her "philosophies" pretty much meant that she could fuck me anally and not have to feel an ounce of remorse for it. Sadly, my "philosophies" never change and I still live by them. Amazing.

She knew I was reluctant about dating another girl. She KNEW that. Doesn't mean I told you NOT to. You're free to date/fuck/hump/cling to whoever you want. Me knowing doesn't change your reluctance. She KNEW where I truly wanted to be. But what the fuck else was I to do besides try and move on when the very girl I loved with all my soul wouldn't even send me a fucking TEXT? When she wouldn't CALL, and every time I tried to talk to her, she treated me like a fucking unwanted, scolded kitten? And then when we do have a nice conversation, it completely cuts off the next day...as if that was some treat for me leaving her alone for a while. I'm sick of being treated like dirt. I'm sick of it. You make it sound like I jumped  your shit for trying to find someone who could make you happy or like it'd truly fucking bother me to know that you're happy and moving on. I'll say it again, and probably a thousand more times, if you are happy then I am happy. TRULY - that's what friends are for. What I didn't like when we talked is how you'd either be pissy over something I'd done or how I was handling a situation. It got to the point where I dreaded your calls because I had too much shit to deal with. Yep, I admit it.

"Well, Bryan, she DID say that she never knew what tomorrow would bring."
Ah, and one can't argue with that because the future isn't set into stone. A bitch, isn't it?

Oh, I'm sorry. When she repeatedly tells me "I love you" and calls me "baby" and her best friend/sister tell her that I better be next in line, and she wholeheartedly goes along with it? I believe that tomorrow should be looking PRETTY fucking good. She told me that we should "Take a step back". She didn't say "I made a mistake in all that I was giving to you when I said I loved you and called you baby."
Hm, I never got the chance to. You up ant acted like a kicked puppy before I could explain myself or my realizations. I've already explained my version of "taking a step back" so I really don't feel like going into that again. But it is pretty much EXACTLY like that ending sentence you wrote there.

HUGE fucking difference. She says "Let's take a step back", and that's supposed to excuse everything?
I didn't ask to be excused, now did I?

Uhhh...no. Even way back when I would choose other women over her? (Granted, we were like...16 and stupid. We didn't know what we were doing)

...Now that I look back on everything? I was fucked up for doing it to her. And I'd NEVER do that to her EVER again. But from the looks of things?

....She's taken who I used to be and made it her reality. [/SNORTS] Because I feel JUST like she did so long ago.
Really? Hard to say I did you EXACTLY the same way when we WEREN'T dating like we were back then. Or doing much of anything the same damn way as then. I could be a complete bitch and quote you, just for shits and giggles, to make it more like it the past if it helps. "It's just roleplay. Don't take it seriously."

Abandoned. Forgotten. Crushed. Broken.

On her end? The shit was shady. All of this? Just to have history repeat itself and for me to be tossed back into the darkness like some toy? She SWORE to me that this wouldn't happen again. That she would always be straight up and come to me with nothing but truth and realness.
I have to say, just like it takes two to make a relationship work it also takes two for it to fall apart on.

Well, guess what? None of that happened.
Nope, it didn't.

At least Magan was big enough to tell -insert guy's name for privacy purposes- about her intentions and how she felt.
Ever wonder why we call Micki-boy "her Bryan"? Its because she was handling him just like I was you. The situation, surprisingly, was VERY similar. We compared notes often enough while we dealt with both of you being whiney or pissy that we can both agree on this.

Me? I didn't get ANY of that shit. I didn't get any consideration, none of it. Again, you up and was all, "Yeah, I'm leaving." So I gave you the space you were obviously hurting for. I wasn't even given a fucking CHANCE like all these other guys are getting, even though they pretty much walk away from her and I've been sticking around ever since I got back. That is what friends do, ya know? But I guess I'm wrong again. I tell her that I'm going away for a while, and the next day I find shit like her Myspace Status? You fuckin' kidding me? What, was she waiting for me to disappear so she could make that move?
Ah...hahahaha. Nope. Not hardly. And it wasn't the NEXT day, thank you very much. But that's a pretty thought anyways, isn't it? The truth has been spoken loud and clear by now. I guess it's pretty straight forward when it's a known fact I am moving in with him around mid-November.
And no, he didn't replace you...
He took over.

LOL. And please, don't hit me with that "Oh, she was considering you...but you left." bullshit. Because I have a cell phone, an e-mail, and a fucking messenger. If she was considering me? She'd have contacted me. If she considered me? She wouldn't have changed everything. She'd have been consistent. I waited a GOOD WHILE for her to talk to me, but no. She played "Devil In a Red Dress" and pierced my fucking soul.
Again, I give space when people TELL me they need it. Ah, well...Woe is me.

But hey: Nice guys finish last, right?

...No. GULLIBLE guys finish last. And I'm the fucking cream of the crop.

Call me whatever the fuck you wanna call me. But step into my shoes for over 3 years, experience the shit that I've been through with her giving me false hope, and then tell me that I'm wrong for feeling like this girl has put me into my fucking grave.
Hmm, for two of these three years I didn't TALK to you. I was dating and MARRIED. So it's really more like a year or so all together. From the time we actually DATED back in the day to the time we were just "talking" here recently. Don't EVEN try and make it out like you were there. You weren't because NO one was. I left completely. So twisted, god.

Deuce.

- A broken soul

P.S. = Be prepared to defend yourself if you try to speak otherwise about all of this shit. I've turned the other cheek too many times, and I'm sick of my kindness and patience and compassion being taken advantage of. I bent over backward, just as real love called for. But when the person you're doing it for is a total grim reaper and cuts you open from the neck to the nether-regions to watch you bleed to death? I don't think so.
Oooh, do I get a shiney sharp object to do that with?

...Just because I lol'd and really want people to see my side, too.

It's gone past the point of me being upset or worried over it. I'm severely tired of having to deal with this shit and.. I'm not going to anymore.
It's over, fine.
Whatever.