(no subject)
these last couple days have been an emotional rollercoaster. i broke something, tried to fix it, and in the end, i glued it all together with too much glue. and no, i am not talking about something tangible or concrete. i tried too hard and said too much and now, things are probably worst than ever before, but i fixed it. and we're happy.
i fixed it. isnt that all that matters??
i am selfish. i admit it. but who isn't?
fuck. oh well. screw this 'be careful what you say' shit. i'm going to say what i feel and fuck it if there are consequences. bad. consequences.
i never thought it would be this hard. and heartbreaking. is it possible to erase the past and move on like it never happened? do humans have selective memory? throw away the pain and remember the good?
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these last couple of months, i have been hedonistic, lazy, emotionally insane [in a good way, if thats possible], loved, enjoying life. can something so good be so bad?? i'm enjoying my carelessness but i feel like its going to stab me in the back right when i least expect it. i feel like i've been stealing...gaining all this free pleasure without earning it.
i feel like i have accomplished something, but then my ego deflates as i see other people around me achieve such higher goals and statuses and i am yet another follower. i feel like i could've been there, i could've achieved that goal, only if i had pushed a little harder. and thats when i feel the reality of my carelessness and unused potential. and thats when it will stab me in the back.
but then i ask myself, WHO THE FUCK CARES?? isn't the point of life to live it and enjoy it? at least i'm happy being careless. it would be another story if i was unhappy being careless.
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i will try. i will try harder. i need to stop feeling emotional. damn this estrogen in my body.
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this is why grey's anatomy is so good: LIFE IS NOT A SPECTATOR's SPORT.
on another note, my allergies, itchy eyes, swollen bags, sneezing and runny nose hell has BEGUN. fuck pollen and the pretty flowers.
i fixed it. isnt that all that matters??
i am selfish. i admit it. but who isn't?
fuck. oh well. screw this 'be careful what you say' shit. i'm going to say what i feel and fuck it if there are consequences. bad. consequences.
i never thought it would be this hard. and heartbreaking. is it possible to erase the past and move on like it never happened? do humans have selective memory? throw away the pain and remember the good?
******************************************************************************************************
these last couple of months, i have been hedonistic, lazy, emotionally insane [in a good way, if thats possible], loved, enjoying life. can something so good be so bad?? i'm enjoying my carelessness but i feel like its going to stab me in the back right when i least expect it. i feel like i've been stealing...gaining all this free pleasure without earning it.
i feel like i have accomplished something, but then my ego deflates as i see other people around me achieve such higher goals and statuses and i am yet another follower. i feel like i could've been there, i could've achieved that goal, only if i had pushed a little harder. and thats when i feel the reality of my carelessness and unused potential. and thats when it will stab me in the back.
but then i ask myself, WHO THE FUCK CARES?? isn't the point of life to live it and enjoy it? at least i'm happy being careless. it would be another story if i was unhappy being careless.
******************************************************************************************************
i will try. i will try harder. i need to stop feeling emotional. damn this estrogen in my body.
*****************************************************************************************************
this is why grey's anatomy is so good: LIFE IS NOT A SPECTATOR's SPORT.
on another note, my allergies, itchy eyes, swollen bags, sneezing and runny nose hell has BEGUN. fuck pollen and the pretty flowers.