drama. my life is nothing but drama.
well, winter's over. it is now spring. and it's still so fucking cold.
my mom and i talked that night. no, she didn't see the scar. she just noticed that i've been really down lately...and that i've been giving her bad stares. also, that night, my mom and dad talked about the expenses that should be paid...coz my mom can't take my dad's shit anymore. my dad proposed the divorce idea months ago, and my mom is waiting for his papers for the divorce all this month, but got nothing. so, she made the move...starting with the expenses. i was cleaning the dishes while hearing their 'discussion'. after that discussion, mom went to me, hugged me and asked, "what's wrong?". i told her nothing...because i knew she wouldn't understand. all i did was cry and shook my head, no.
we both cried.
"why are you crying?...i hate to see you cry."
"...i always cry."
she then told me to stop what i'm doing and talk in the living room. i didn't stop...i finished all my chores first..and finally talked with her. but during that time, mom went to dad and told him about the old car...and he should pay for the gasoline money that he wasted for himself. dad got really pissed and screamed at her. my mom screamed back. ...sometimes, i wonder, since i was a kid, why am i always to hear the screaming and shouting? at the age of six, i always wake up in the middle of the night, hearing my dad shouting at my mom..and hearing my mom crying, and i myself would cry, too. i'd cry quietly so that my dad wouldn't shout at me for not being strong enough. this was no different, hearing the shouting and screaming, i covered my face and cried again. wondering, why is it like this?...why's my family not like michelle's?...all happy and functional. another thing that came to mind is, why doesn't my father admit his mistakes?
after that, my mom hugged me again and apologized. she constantly asked what's wrong...and i constantly shook my head, saying, "you wouldn't understand." ...but finally i told her, between sobs. on how i'm hating school..and hating things at home. ..and how i'm not really doing well in school because i'm too depressed to concentrate. i also told her that going to phils. last year was a medicine for me...and that in the phils., everything's so wrong...but at least i got michelle to talk to. here, i don't. i am alone. she listented, talked and looked at me. i know she felt sad for me...i don't really know if she does understand.
my mom told me about her plans...
if her nursing exam goes well in hawaii, we are able to go to california. we are going to move there...only the three of us: mom, oni and i. and she's going to see to it that dad will pay for child support.
we also talked about college, she told me that am gonna study beauty therapy here...and study skin-care nursing in america. that sounded like an okay deal... if there are universities who'll accept me.
a while ago, she told me that she can't live with dad anymore. so she plans for us to move to takapuna..a place near her work and rent a two-bedroom house. after my vacation in the phils. this year, all will happen. she also told me that she's calling a lawyer next week.
...i dunno that it's really gonna happen or it's just talk. but i do hope...that life's gonna change for the better.
set me free.
my mom and i talked that night. no, she didn't see the scar. she just noticed that i've been really down lately...and that i've been giving her bad stares. also, that night, my mom and dad talked about the expenses that should be paid...coz my mom can't take my dad's shit anymore. my dad proposed the divorce idea months ago, and my mom is waiting for his papers for the divorce all this month, but got nothing. so, she made the move...starting with the expenses. i was cleaning the dishes while hearing their 'discussion'. after that discussion, mom went to me, hugged me and asked, "what's wrong?". i told her nothing...because i knew she wouldn't understand. all i did was cry and shook my head, no.
we both cried.
"why are you crying?...i hate to see you cry."
"...i always cry."
she then told me to stop what i'm doing and talk in the living room. i didn't stop...i finished all my chores first..and finally talked with her. but during that time, mom went to dad and told him about the old car...and he should pay for the gasoline money that he wasted for himself. dad got really pissed and screamed at her. my mom screamed back. ...sometimes, i wonder, since i was a kid, why am i always to hear the screaming and shouting? at the age of six, i always wake up in the middle of the night, hearing my dad shouting at my mom..and hearing my mom crying, and i myself would cry, too. i'd cry quietly so that my dad wouldn't shout at me for not being strong enough. this was no different, hearing the shouting and screaming, i covered my face and cried again. wondering, why is it like this?...why's my family not like michelle's?...all happy and functional. another thing that came to mind is, why doesn't my father admit his mistakes?
after that, my mom hugged me again and apologized. she constantly asked what's wrong...and i constantly shook my head, saying, "you wouldn't understand." ...but finally i told her, between sobs. on how i'm hating school..and hating things at home. ..and how i'm not really doing well in school because i'm too depressed to concentrate. i also told her that going to phils. last year was a medicine for me...and that in the phils., everything's so wrong...but at least i got michelle to talk to. here, i don't. i am alone. she listented, talked and looked at me. i know she felt sad for me...i don't really know if she does understand.
my mom told me about her plans...
if her nursing exam goes well in hawaii, we are able to go to california. we are going to move there...only the three of us: mom, oni and i. and she's going to see to it that dad will pay for child support.
we also talked about college, she told me that am gonna study beauty therapy here...and study skin-care nursing in america. that sounded like an okay deal... if there are universities who'll accept me.
a while ago, she told me that she can't live with dad anymore. so she plans for us to move to takapuna..a place near her work and rent a two-bedroom house. after my vacation in the phils. this year, all will happen. she also told me that she's calling a lawyer next week.
...i dunno that it's really gonna happen or it's just talk. but i do hope...that life's gonna change for the better.
set me free.