I'M THE GOD DAMN BATMAN
Will things be any different for our Caped Crusader this time around? Will Batman finally meet the best friend he's been looking for? Will he be ambushed by a creepy Robin?
Stranger: Hey 19m aus ;). Asl?
You: 40, m, Batman, Gotham City.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You: I'M THE GOD DAMN BATMAN.
You: How about you?
Stranger: i am a true person
You: I like to think I'm pretty true myself. I fight for truth.
You: And stuff.
You: And I wear a cape.
You: I spent a lot of time on rooftops. Just sort of sitting.
You: A LOT OF TIME.
Stranger: a brief intro about you
You: There's really not much to me besides being Batman, how about you? Are you a super hero/villain? If the latter, what crime are you currently committing?
You: This is not to say I wouldn't be friends with a villain. It would be strained but I'm willing to work on it.
You: I'll tell you about Catwoman sometime, now that's a complicated relationship.
You: Some people say I over-share.
You: I don't think that's nice of them to say.
You: So I punch them.
You: In the face.
You: BECAUSE I'M THE GOD DAMN BATMAN.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: hey, 26 m canada
You: 30, m, Gotham City. DON'T CLICK DISCONNECT JUST BECAUSE I'M BATMAN.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: im looking for indonesian girl
You: Look, I'm Batman, I'm trying to make friends. You guys aren't making this easy.
You: BATMAN KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.
You: I'm lying, I don't.
You: Sorry. :(
You: It's difficult being Batman.
You: So what's up with Indonesian girls? Are they more fun to talk to? I have stories about crime fighting. I'm not familiar with that area of the world in terms of super heroes, but I don't know if many Indonesian girls have experience in this field.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl
You: Hi.
You: Batman.
Stranger: asl
You: Oh sorry. 30, Male, Gotham City.
Stranger: yaa
Stranger: whr r u from
Stranger: ?
You: Gotham City?
Stranger: nice
You: It's.... somewhere near New York.
You: I honestly have no idea where it is.
Stranger: okkkkkkkkk
You: Seems like something I should know...
Stranger: r u musliom
You: No I'm Batman.
You: I already told you my name.
Stranger: i hate muslins
You: I'm fond of polycotton blend myself.
You: I'm not sure why you're so angry at a cloth though.
Stranger: they r so chep
You: I've never met Chep.
Stranger: i just hete such rascals
You: I'm not even sure you're speaking English now.
Stranger: y
You: That is a letter, yes.
Stranger: wht?
You: What?
You: It's like you're speaking in riddles.
You: ARE YOU THE RIDDLER?
Stranger: no
You: Oh. Thought I had you there.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: hi
You: Hi, I'm Batman. You?
You: If you say Superman this conversation is over.
Stranger: im franky muniz pussy
You: That's a very interesting last name. Is it hyphenated between Muniz and Pussy or just three separate names?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You: Hi
Stranger: Hey.
You: I'm Batman.
Stranger: Oh, cool.
You: It's very cool.
Stranger: How are you?
You: Pretty tired. Been wailing on thugs all day. It's like they import them daily or something. How about you?
Stranger: I'm okay, a little annoyed I guess.
You: I'm sorry to hear that.
You: I'm probably not the best person to speak to about these things, since I solve all of my problems with dressing up like an animal and punching.
Stranger: At least you're a millionaire or something.
You: Billionaire. But--
You: Wait how did you know that?
You: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
Stranger: Is it true you're gay?
You: Have you been talking to Robin?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: YOU WANNA BUY CAT?
You: I'M BATMAN. WHY WOULD I WANT A CAT?
Stranger: HOLY SHIT IT'S BATMAN!
You: GOD DAMN RIGHT IT IS.
Stranger: YOU CAN HAVE CAT FOR FREE,ONLY 10 DOLLAR
You: THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN AWESOME DEAL.
You: BUT I'M ALLERGIC.
Stranger: OKAY LET'S GO.
Stranger: BUT YOU'RE A BAT!
Stranger: YOU RESIST SUCH THINGS
You: BATS ARE NATURALLY ALLERGIC TO CATS. YOU NEVER SEE A CAT AND A BAT HANGING OUT TOGETHER, DO YOU?
You: THIS DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.
Stranger: OF COURSE IT DOES
You: IT'S LIKE YOU'RE IN MY MIND. CONFUSING ME.
You: ARE YOU THE RIDDLER?
Stranger: I AM YOUR MIND
You: HOLY CRAP.
Stranger: THAT'S WHY YOU WANT MY FREE CAT FOR 10 DOLLAR
You: I DO WANT YOUR FREE CAT FOR 10 DOLLARS.
Stranger: THEN PAY ME FOR THE FREE CAT THAT COSTS 10 DOLLAR.
You: I'LL NAME HIM LORD SNUZZLE FUZZWULLINGTON THE THIRD OF SNUGGLESHIRE.
Stranger: I LOVE YOU BATWOMAN
You: I'M BATMAN. BATWOMAN IS SOMEONE ELSE.
Stranger: I AM BATWOMAN
Stranger: LET'S GET MARRIED
You: WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF THEN.
You: WHAT.
You: WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO MARRY ME.
Stranger: I DON'T KNOW THEY'RE IN MY BRAINS!
You: NOW YOU'RE JUST TALKING CRAZY.
Stranger: LIES.
You: I'M THE GOD DAMN BATMAN, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THESE SHENANIGANS.
You: NOW DO YOU HAVE THIS CAT OR NOT?
Stranger: HUNT DOWN PROSTITUTES AND SEND THEM TO ME IN SMALL PACKAGES
Stranger: SO I CAN SELL THEM ON EBAY
You: THAT SEEMS COUNTERPRODUCTIVE TO CRIME FIGHTING.
You: WHY ARE WE YELLING?
Stranger: DON'T YOU EVER GET TIRED OF BEING THE GOOD GUY?
Stranger: I DON'T KNOW.... THEY'RE IN OUR BRAINS!
You: I THINK IT'S PRETTY MUCH 50/50 WHETHER OR NOT I'M THE GOOD GUY.
You: SORT OF DEPENDS ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT RIGHT?
Stranger: KIND OF BUT STILL.... WHY ARE WE YELLING!?
You: I DON'T KNOW!
Stranger: NOR DO I!
You: IT FEELS RIGHT.
Stranger: MHM INDEED.
Stranger: I'VE A WHIP AND I LIKE TO WHIP STUFF. WANT ME TO WHIP YOU BATMAN_
You: WAIT.
Stranger: ?
You: YOU HAVE A WHIP. AND YOU'RE TRYING TO GIVE ME A CAT.
You: CATWOMAN?!?!?!?
Stranger: HELL YEAH
You: I KNEW IT!
Stranger: YOU DID?
You: YOU'RE CRAZY. STAY AWAY FROM ME. I GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER, THIS PROBABLY VIOLATES IT.
You: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IT WAS TO GET A JUDGE TO SIGN OFF ON STAYING 500 FEET AWAY FROM ME WHEN I EXIST IN EVERY SHADOW OF THE CITY.
Stranger: POOR GUY
Stranger: DON'T DARE TO CUM FROM THE SHADOWS.
You: THAT JUST SOUNDS AWKWARD AND POTENTIALLY ILLEGAL.
Stranger: IT'S NASTY
Stranger: IT IS.
You: I WOULD EXPECT NO LESS FROM A VILLAIN. A SHITTY VILLAIN, BUT STILL.
You: I MEAN HONESTLY, HOW IS STEALING SPARKLY THINGS NEFARIOUS?
Stranger: YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT.
You: HOW DARE YOU.
Stranger: I STOLE A BIKE.
You: CATS CAN'T EVEN RIDE BIKES, NOW YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS.
Stranger: GOING TO CAPTURE ME NOW?
Stranger: I AM CATWOMAN
Stranger: I DO WHATEVER I WANT.
You: I HAVE A JET-POWERED SUPER CAR, I'LL PROBABLY JUST RUN YOU OVER.
Stranger: I ALSO STOLE YOUR CAR.
You: WHAT?!
Stranger: YES.... I ALSO WANT NEAT STUFF.
You: HOW DID YOU FIT YOUR BICYCLE IN MY CAR? THERE ISN'T A LOT OF ROOM.
Stranger: I KILLED THE CAR AND REWROTE THE STORY SO IT BECAME BIGGER.
You: WHAT?
Stranger: YOU CONFUSED NOW, AREN'T YOU?
You: VERY MUCH SO, CATWOMAN.
You: WELL PLAYED.
Stranger: WELL PLAYED?
Stranger: INDEED.
You: THIS WAS YOUR PLAN ALL ALONG?
Stranger: PLELL WAYD
You: I SUPPOSE THERE WAS NEVER ANY FREE CAT FOR 10 DOLLARS?
Stranger: *BATMAN IS CONFUSED! HE HURT HIMSELF IN HIS CONFUSION!*
Stranger: NO
You: THAT'S A SHAME, I WAS ALREADY PLANNING TO NAME HIM SOMETHING CUTE AND LOVE HIM FOREVER.
Stranger: IT WAS MY PLAN ALL ALONG
You: YOU'VE DESTROYED ME!
You: I CAN NEVER FILL THE HOLE IN MY HEART THAT YOUR CAT WOULD HAVE OCCUPIED.
Stranger: THE EVIL WINS ONCE AGIAN FOR THE FIRST TIME.
You: YOU'RE A MONSTER.
Stranger: I AM.
Stranger: AND THAT MAKES ME HOT.
You: I'LL SURVIVE THIS. I WILL REBUILD, AND COME BACK AT YOU TWICE AS STRONG.
You: KNOW WHY?
You: BECAUSE I'M THE GOD DAMN BATMAN.
You have disconnected.
Stranger: hi
You: Hi
Stranger: I'm Tim
You: I'm Bruce
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Then Batman had some 2% chocolate milk, even though he's lactose intolerant, and spent the rest of the night convinced he was going to die. Because he's an idiot without any self control.
More chats some other night.
Stranger: Hey 19m aus ;). Asl?
You: 40, m, Batman, Gotham City.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You: I'M THE GOD DAMN BATMAN.
You: How about you?
Stranger: i am a true person
You: I like to think I'm pretty true myself. I fight for truth.
You: And stuff.
You: And I wear a cape.
You: I spent a lot of time on rooftops. Just sort of sitting.
You: A LOT OF TIME.
Stranger: a brief intro about you
You: There's really not much to me besides being Batman, how about you? Are you a super hero/villain? If the latter, what crime are you currently committing?
You: This is not to say I wouldn't be friends with a villain. It would be strained but I'm willing to work on it.
You: I'll tell you about Catwoman sometime, now that's a complicated relationship.
You: Some people say I over-share.
You: I don't think that's nice of them to say.
You: So I punch them.
You: In the face.
You: BECAUSE I'M THE GOD DAMN BATMAN.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: hey, 26 m canada
You: 30, m, Gotham City. DON'T CLICK DISCONNECT JUST BECAUSE I'M BATMAN.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: im looking for indonesian girl
You: Look, I'm Batman, I'm trying to make friends. You guys aren't making this easy.
You: BATMAN KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE.
You: I'm lying, I don't.
You: Sorry. :(
You: It's difficult being Batman.
You: So what's up with Indonesian girls? Are they more fun to talk to? I have stories about crime fighting. I'm not familiar with that area of the world in terms of super heroes, but I don't know if many Indonesian girls have experience in this field.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl
You: Hi.
You: Batman.
Stranger: asl
You: Oh sorry. 30, Male, Gotham City.
Stranger: yaa
Stranger: whr r u from
Stranger: ?
You: Gotham City?
Stranger: nice
You: It's.... somewhere near New York.
You: I honestly have no idea where it is.
Stranger: okkkkkkkkk
You: Seems like something I should know...
Stranger: r u musliom
You: No I'm Batman.
You: I already told you my name.
Stranger: i hate muslins
You: I'm fond of polycotton blend myself.
You: I'm not sure why you're so angry at a cloth though.
Stranger: they r so chep
You: I've never met Chep.
Stranger: i just hete such rascals
You: I'm not even sure you're speaking English now.
Stranger: y
You: That is a letter, yes.
Stranger: wht?
You: What?
You: It's like you're speaking in riddles.
You: ARE YOU THE RIDDLER?
Stranger: no
You: Oh. Thought I had you there.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: hi
You: Hi, I'm Batman. You?
You: If you say Superman this conversation is over.
Stranger: im franky muniz pussy
You: That's a very interesting last name. Is it hyphenated between Muniz and Pussy or just three separate names?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You: Hi
Stranger: Hey.
You: I'm Batman.
Stranger: Oh, cool.
You: It's very cool.
Stranger: How are you?
You: Pretty tired. Been wailing on thugs all day. It's like they import them daily or something. How about you?
Stranger: I'm okay, a little annoyed I guess.
You: I'm sorry to hear that.
You: I'm probably not the best person to speak to about these things, since I solve all of my problems with dressing up like an animal and punching.
Stranger: At least you're a millionaire or something.
You: Billionaire. But--
You: Wait how did you know that?
You: DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
Stranger: Is it true you're gay?
You: Have you been talking to Robin?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Stranger: YOU WANNA BUY CAT?
You: I'M BATMAN. WHY WOULD I WANT A CAT?
Stranger: HOLY SHIT IT'S BATMAN!
You: GOD DAMN RIGHT IT IS.
Stranger: YOU CAN HAVE CAT FOR FREE,ONLY 10 DOLLAR
You: THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN AWESOME DEAL.
You: BUT I'M ALLERGIC.
Stranger: OKAY LET'S GO.
Stranger: BUT YOU'RE A BAT!
Stranger: YOU RESIST SUCH THINGS
You: BATS ARE NATURALLY ALLERGIC TO CATS. YOU NEVER SEE A CAT AND A BAT HANGING OUT TOGETHER, DO YOU?
You: THIS DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.
Stranger: OF COURSE IT DOES
You: IT'S LIKE YOU'RE IN MY MIND. CONFUSING ME.
You: ARE YOU THE RIDDLER?
Stranger: I AM YOUR MIND
You: HOLY CRAP.
Stranger: THAT'S WHY YOU WANT MY FREE CAT FOR 10 DOLLAR
You: I DO WANT YOUR FREE CAT FOR 10 DOLLARS.
Stranger: THEN PAY ME FOR THE FREE CAT THAT COSTS 10 DOLLAR.
You: I'LL NAME HIM LORD SNUZZLE FUZZWULLINGTON THE THIRD OF SNUGGLESHIRE.
Stranger: I LOVE YOU BATWOMAN
You: I'M BATMAN. BATWOMAN IS SOMEONE ELSE.
Stranger: I AM BATWOMAN
Stranger: LET'S GET MARRIED
You: WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF THEN.
You: WHAT.
You: WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO MARRY ME.
Stranger: I DON'T KNOW THEY'RE IN MY BRAINS!
You: NOW YOU'RE JUST TALKING CRAZY.
Stranger: LIES.
You: I'M THE GOD DAMN BATMAN, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THESE SHENANIGANS.
You: NOW DO YOU HAVE THIS CAT OR NOT?
Stranger: HUNT DOWN PROSTITUTES AND SEND THEM TO ME IN SMALL PACKAGES
Stranger: SO I CAN SELL THEM ON EBAY
You: THAT SEEMS COUNTERPRODUCTIVE TO CRIME FIGHTING.
You: WHY ARE WE YELLING?
Stranger: DON'T YOU EVER GET TIRED OF BEING THE GOOD GUY?
Stranger: I DON'T KNOW.... THEY'RE IN OUR BRAINS!
You: I THINK IT'S PRETTY MUCH 50/50 WHETHER OR NOT I'M THE GOOD GUY.
You: SORT OF DEPENDS ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT RIGHT?
Stranger: KIND OF BUT STILL.... WHY ARE WE YELLING!?
You: I DON'T KNOW!
Stranger: NOR DO I!
You: IT FEELS RIGHT.
Stranger: MHM INDEED.
Stranger: I'VE A WHIP AND I LIKE TO WHIP STUFF. WANT ME TO WHIP YOU BATMAN_
You: WAIT.
Stranger: ?
You: YOU HAVE A WHIP. AND YOU'RE TRYING TO GIVE ME A CAT.
You: CATWOMAN?!?!?!?
Stranger: HELL YEAH
You: I KNEW IT!
Stranger: YOU DID?
You: YOU'RE CRAZY. STAY AWAY FROM ME. I GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER, THIS PROBABLY VIOLATES IT.
You: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD IT WAS TO GET A JUDGE TO SIGN OFF ON STAYING 500 FEET AWAY FROM ME WHEN I EXIST IN EVERY SHADOW OF THE CITY.
Stranger: POOR GUY
Stranger: DON'T DARE TO CUM FROM THE SHADOWS.
You: THAT JUST SOUNDS AWKWARD AND POTENTIALLY ILLEGAL.
Stranger: IT'S NASTY
Stranger: IT IS.
You: I WOULD EXPECT NO LESS FROM A VILLAIN. A SHITTY VILLAIN, BUT STILL.
You: I MEAN HONESTLY, HOW IS STEALING SPARKLY THINGS NEFARIOUS?
Stranger: YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT.
You: HOW DARE YOU.
Stranger: I STOLE A BIKE.
You: CATS CAN'T EVEN RIDE BIKES, NOW YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS.
Stranger: GOING TO CAPTURE ME NOW?
Stranger: I AM CATWOMAN
Stranger: I DO WHATEVER I WANT.
You: I HAVE A JET-POWERED SUPER CAR, I'LL PROBABLY JUST RUN YOU OVER.
Stranger: I ALSO STOLE YOUR CAR.
You: WHAT?!
Stranger: YES.... I ALSO WANT NEAT STUFF.
You: HOW DID YOU FIT YOUR BICYCLE IN MY CAR? THERE ISN'T A LOT OF ROOM.
Stranger: I KILLED THE CAR AND REWROTE THE STORY SO IT BECAME BIGGER.
You: WHAT?
Stranger: YOU CONFUSED NOW, AREN'T YOU?
You: VERY MUCH SO, CATWOMAN.
You: WELL PLAYED.
Stranger: WELL PLAYED?
Stranger: INDEED.
You: THIS WAS YOUR PLAN ALL ALONG?
Stranger: PLELL WAYD
You: I SUPPOSE THERE WAS NEVER ANY FREE CAT FOR 10 DOLLARS?
Stranger: *BATMAN IS CONFUSED! HE HURT HIMSELF IN HIS CONFUSION!*
Stranger: NO
You: THAT'S A SHAME, I WAS ALREADY PLANNING TO NAME HIM SOMETHING CUTE AND LOVE HIM FOREVER.
Stranger: IT WAS MY PLAN ALL ALONG
You: YOU'VE DESTROYED ME!
You: I CAN NEVER FILL THE HOLE IN MY HEART THAT YOUR CAT WOULD HAVE OCCUPIED.
Stranger: THE EVIL WINS ONCE AGIAN FOR THE FIRST TIME.
You: YOU'RE A MONSTER.
Stranger: I AM.
Stranger: AND THAT MAKES ME HOT.
You: I'LL SURVIVE THIS. I WILL REBUILD, AND COME BACK AT YOU TWICE AS STRONG.
You: KNOW WHY?
You: BECAUSE I'M THE GOD DAMN BATMAN.
You have disconnected.
Stranger: hi
You: Hi
Stranger: I'm Tim
You: I'm Bruce
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Then Batman had some 2% chocolate milk, even though he's lactose intolerant, and spent the rest of the night convinced he was going to die. Because he's an idiot without any self control.
More chats some other night.