manifest individuality, manifest a sense of reality

[sedapuda]

Enlightenment is most certainly one of my favorite things, among hugs, smiles, my teddy bear, and other treasures. I love it when I realize something so key to my very existance, especially when I know I can work on it. Tonight I've come to face every way I've changed over the semester away from home. I'd say that a hefty chunk is good change...I have become more outgoing, I have learned to live with someone who is completely alike and unlike me at the same time, I let things go that I'd normally dwell on intensely and unnesessarily, I am a different person. I also, however, have acquired a false open-mindedness and have dipped into a Pandora's box I know I should pull my curious hand from. In this incredible amount of freedom which is both lifting my feet and weighing down my back, I'm experiencing life like never before. I'm learning so much about myself and life in general, truths I've been taught are solidifying, and my roots are becoming so important to me. I'm also making bad choices and learning from them. One would say that this is wonderful and perhaps even beautiful for me to be doing this, but what I realized tonight is that it's all so needless. I don't need to try something to know it's wrong. Don't take any of this out of context; I'm not doing drugs or sleeping around. I'm not dealing heroine or becoming the typical booze-thirsty college student. To many, my negative changes aren't even "all that bad". These bad choices I'm making may be trivial in the eyes of popular culture, but I consider them to be detrimental to my very being. I am not who I was 4 months ago. I do like this new sense of security I've found in myself, but I miss the old Sarah who's vernacular did not involve that of the vulgar persuasion. I miss not being curious about everything that I was told to stay away from. I want to be "pure of mind and heart" again, but hold onto everything good I've gained living here. I'd say that I've advanced my mentality and lost some of myself at the same time. It's the neverending search for balance while keeping reality intact.

p.s. - I really really like Odwalla's carrot juice, natural rip-offs of Oreos, french onion soup, mittens, fresh snow, and newly acquired friends.