(no subject)
Today was just one of those days. I’m tired of putting on a smile for everyone. Everyday I force smiles onto my face, so people won’t bother asking what’s wrong, and it’s worked pretty well. But I’m tired of it.
I’m tired of being caught in between the everyday battle that goes on at school between the groups of people. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of not having someone to comfort me. And I haven’t bitched about this in a long time, so you all can just sit there and fucking listen to it. As we all know, my school formal is coming up in two days, and I have no date. Nor have I ever, for that matter, had a date. I am 16 years old and have never been kissed by a fucking guy, not even close to being kissed. I have had two guys appear to be interested in me, and neither of them I would go out with because one of them set the school on fire and is insane, and the other one I just don’t see myself being with. Yesterday in 6th hour Me and Drew and Chris and Blake were talking about perverse things (as I told you) and Chris was talking about how he’s had sex with his girlfriend 20 times or more, and all I could think about was how I had never even been kissed, much less had sex. Then Blake goes and says that he’s had sex too. (Keep in mind he weighs 300 pounds, no exaggerations) And you can only imagine how this made me feel. Great, Blake can get laid, but I can’t even get someone to be interested in me romantically, let alone sexually. Everyone I talk to online always tells me how gorgeous I am and blah blah blah and bullshit etc., but if I am so damn pretty then why can’t I get a fucking boyfriend?!
Lately my dad has been pissing me off to the extreme. If he’s not bitching about one thing, there’s something else. Money, my car, his job, money, the house being dirty, my cat being hungry, money, having to transport me to dance, the price of gas, money, my grades, the cat box being dirty, having to feed the animals, oh and did I mention money?…just everything he gets a chance to pick at me about he takes it. And I am about to go postal on him. I don’t know how much longer of this I can take. I seriously want to turn around and punch him in the face all the time. And he’s always looking over my shoulder when I'm on the computer and when I downsize all the windows so he wont see who and what I’m talking/doing online he gets pissy and starts bitching yet again.
My grades are shit, my attitude is shit, my room is shit, and everything just totally sucks. I want to run away. I think I may do that for a couple days when he gets my car done. I just can’t fucking take it anymore.
I’m tired of being caught in between the everyday battle that goes on at school between the groups of people. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of not having someone to comfort me. And I haven’t bitched about this in a long time, so you all can just sit there and fucking listen to it. As we all know, my school formal is coming up in two days, and I have no date. Nor have I ever, for that matter, had a date. I am 16 years old and have never been kissed by a fucking guy, not even close to being kissed. I have had two guys appear to be interested in me, and neither of them I would go out with because one of them set the school on fire and is insane, and the other one I just don’t see myself being with. Yesterday in 6th hour Me and Drew and Chris and Blake were talking about perverse things (as I told you) and Chris was talking about how he’s had sex with his girlfriend 20 times or more, and all I could think about was how I had never even been kissed, much less had sex. Then Blake goes and says that he’s had sex too. (Keep in mind he weighs 300 pounds, no exaggerations) And you can only imagine how this made me feel. Great, Blake can get laid, but I can’t even get someone to be interested in me romantically, let alone sexually. Everyone I talk to online always tells me how gorgeous I am and blah blah blah and bullshit etc., but if I am so damn pretty then why can’t I get a fucking boyfriend?!
Lately my dad has been pissing me off to the extreme. If he’s not bitching about one thing, there’s something else. Money, my car, his job, money, the house being dirty, my cat being hungry, money, having to transport me to dance, the price of gas, money, my grades, the cat box being dirty, having to feed the animals, oh and did I mention money?…just everything he gets a chance to pick at me about he takes it. And I am about to go postal on him. I don’t know how much longer of this I can take. I seriously want to turn around and punch him in the face all the time. And he’s always looking over my shoulder when I'm on the computer and when I downsize all the windows so he wont see who and what I’m talking/doing online he gets pissy and starts bitching yet again.
My grades are shit, my attitude is shit, my room is shit, and everything just totally sucks. I want to run away. I think I may do that for a couple days when he gets my car done. I just can’t fucking take it anymore.