and if you knew.
i figure it hasn't set in as much as it should have by now. it also feels a great deal longer than it's actually been. i cried whilst watching A Walk To Remember last night; i fail to have cried for what i thought i would have (by now). it's in the fact that i don't think my life has changed so much as my geography has that my cheeks remain dry. but i feel it coming. in the way i see myself in the mirror, in the way i let others see me, in my decisions to let people go off to make their own foolish mistakes, in the way that i don't need to be in love with anyone but this city- i feel it coming.
i won't run around the fact that i miss my mother. thinking that when i finally moved away that she would be annoying me with constant phone calls, i turn to find that i may have actually started annoying her. i'm calling so much because she seems to be ubiquitous in my life still through all the little things and all the people i see each day. they are intimate and intricate facets, but they surface when it rains, when no one will play cards with me, when i see a dog off leash, when...
the co-dependant national anthem is playing in my headphones. i called in sick to work today. i won't call my mother. i will go for a walk instead. i will make love to my city. i will begin to understand that sometimes, physicality and state of mind are one and the same, regardless of whether or not we like to admit sometimes that we've finally found a home away from home.
i won't run around the fact that i miss my mother. thinking that when i finally moved away that she would be annoying me with constant phone calls, i turn to find that i may have actually started annoying her. i'm calling so much because she seems to be ubiquitous in my life still through all the little things and all the people i see each day. they are intimate and intricate facets, but they surface when it rains, when no one will play cards with me, when i see a dog off leash, when...
the co-dependant national anthem is playing in my headphones. i called in sick to work today. i won't call my mother. i will go for a walk instead. i will make love to my city. i will begin to understand that sometimes, physicality and state of mind are one and the same, regardless of whether or not we like to admit sometimes that we've finally found a home away from home.