(no subject)
ok so i havent updated this is soo long. im getting like leigh ann now. i have a lot of shit no my mind right now and i dont have anyone to talk to. maybe i dont want anyone to talk to. things have been difficult this past month. john broke up with me march 31st after i found three girls in his bed. he said i was over reacting and that we needed a break. then on april 2nd i slept over his house and he told me we'd be back together and things would be ok. he said he needed time to figure things out and that him and i would be back together and things would be 10x better then they used to be. it was so hard getting over him and i dont even know why. it hurt. i wasnt 100% happy in that relationship but it was something that i was used to. something that was the same and never changed. well like a week later i was online and i was in a philly chatroom and i met this guy jack. hes such a sweet guy and i found out that i went to school with his younger brother for 12 years. he literially lives 5 minutes away walking probably and like 2 minutes driving. hes older hes 30 but hes so mature and so amazing. we have so much in common and we have the kind of friendship where we can just sit there and talk and talk and talk. nothing has sexually happened between us and thats where i want to keep it cuz i dont want to be involved in something like that. im numb to love right now and its something i dont want to feel right now. well im starting to like him and that doesnt mean ne thing more than that. i dont wanna have sex with him i dont want a relationship i just like him. he smokes and i HATE ppl that smoke no offense leigh ann but like there has to be something about him. i dunno. im just so fucking lonely right now and i just drove jack to work and it was so sad cuz all i want is to be held. i used to sleep over johns all the time and now its like its gone totally gone. im talking to stephanie now and im feeling 10x better only cuz steph is will's gf and will is johns twin. so yeah i dunno im so alone right now. i just want to be held and feel loved. i miss leigh ann. ok so instead of crying i think im gonna go to bed like i said i feel so alone
