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ok so tonite isnt very much of a good nite. im kinda down esp with the whole self esteem thing. i sometimes just wish i thought i was pretty or attractive. im sick of always hating myself and i just wish i could accept who i am. i notice in school the thin gorgeous attractive girls are always the ones kissing the teachers ass to get an A. if only i could wear tight clothes and flaunt my tits to get an A. but news flash to me i cant wear tight shirts and i have ne thing but tits so i cant do that. i dunno today is just a blah day. i havent cut since november 4th so its been over a month but i dont know how much longer i can last. thats so bad to say. my birthday is monday and im not the least bit excited. i have two tests on wednesday plus labs are due wednesday and i have extra credit due wednesday everything is due wednesday and that leaves me no time since i have to work all weekend. UGH i just feel like screaming. work sucks right now i cant take it. i have this woman gerri who works there and i just cant stand her and im not usually mean like that but i just cant stand her i dont have the patients. UUGGHH!!!!!! today was a mob house and i mean that there were sooo many people at the mall today. UUGGHH it suxs big time. then kristin and i were joking around and she said to me dont talk to me i dont wanna talk to you leave me alone in front of this man and he said ohh dont say that to her thats so mean kiss and make up right now...if he only knew heh : D any way...so that lollipop DAMN i damn near vibrated off the damn bed with that thing and its so fucking loud jeez omg...it wasnt that great at all ill stick to the bunny thank you very much. kristin went to some sex party tonite and said she bought something that looks like lipstick which sounds pretty neat nicole said she saw that down at south street...very interesting...tomorrow well today i have work from 1-10:30 i miss john so much i havent seen him since thursday ha i know its not that long but its long enough. and btw leigh ann i asked for AAAASS on my birthday ha! well i think im gonna head off to bed im still not feeling well and i have work tomorrow afternoon/nite. ttfn
p.s.-why couldnt i have been born a gorgeous girl????