Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza
FANDOM: The Big Bang Theory
PAIRING: Sheldon/Penny
SUMMARY: She moved closer and closer in bed to him and he felt something akin to panic grow in his chest. Not only was she violating his precious space, she was...she was a girl.
RATING: NC-17
DISCLAIMER: The characters in this story do not belong to me and no copyright infringement is intended.
WORD COUNT: 3,100
FOR: juniperlane, fujiidom and artic_fox for being amazing and ponying up for a sequel to Crossing the Line for the Help Haiti Auction. Consider bidding on something yourself to help the people of Haiti!
NOTE: Yes, this is a sequel to Crossing the Line but you don't need to have read it to understand this story. However, if you want to read it, I'm not going to complain. Instead, I'll do a little dance of joy.
It should have been simple.
Drive (be driven he corrects himself) to Fresno, give a magnificent speech at the National Association of Theoretical Physicists banquet, spend the night in a hotel, and go home.
But then Penny drew the short straw and was assigned the task of taking him to Fresno. And everything went askew after that.
In the car, half the time she burbled on and on about celebrities he neither knew about nor cared to know about ("Which Jonas Brother do you think is the cutest, Sheldon?") or, horror of horrors, she sang.
"Hold me closer, Tony Danza..."
"It's not Tony Danza," he said, attempting, but failing, to sound patient. "It's tiny dancer."
She flashed him a sidelong look. "How would you know? You hate music."
"I don't hate all music. While it's true that I find most popular music to be vulgar and annoying to the extreme, my mother is a fan of Elton John. She played that song in the car all the time when I was a child."
"Are you sure? Because someone told me that Elton John wrote the song because he had a massive crush on Tony Danza." She looked at him again.
"They were either misguided or playing some sort of practical joke on you. Now pay attention to the road, Penny. There are a number of large trucks about."
At the hotel, bursting at the seams with Shriners, of all things, he found out that he would be forced to share a bed with Penny. He didn't share beds. Ever. Even when he was a small child and thunderstorms frightened Missy, he wouldn't let her climb in bed with him. He needed his space. He needed his privacy. He didn't need Penny flopping her body parts all over the place and, heavens forbid, stealing the covers.
True, the speech went better than he ever could have imagined. Dr. Garcia introduced Sheldon to Dr. Hastings as "the best young mind in theoretical physics today." Penny behaved herself. She dressed demurely yet attractively, minded her table manners, made appropriate dinner table conversation and sat quietly through his speech, no doubt stunned into good behavior by the brilliance of his latest research findings.
All in all, Sheldon would have been quite satisfied with the experience, despite a few setbacks, if Penny hadn't insisted on attempting to push the boundaries once they got in the regretfully small bed together.
*
He could handle a decent amount of Penny's teasing. After so many years, he was used to it and could even tell she was actually teasing him, at least most of the time. But for her to willfully and knowingly cross the invisible line he'd so thoughtfully created down the middle of the bed to keep their sleeping spaces separate-that was just cruel.
She moved closer and closer in bed to him and he felt something akin to panic grow in his chest. Not only was she violating his precious space, she was...she was a girl. A girl who smelled pleasantly of citrus fruit and minty toothpaste. A girl with soft skin. And Sheldon tried to never, ever think of Penny as a girl because it was too complicated, too distracting and it made his head hurt. If he allowed himself the luxury of thinking of her as anything other than the slightly annoying but endearing neighbor across the hall, he might just go mute like Raj.
"Why are you plaguing me so?" he asked, wishing he had the power of teleportation so he could magically transport himself to his own bed. By himself, where it was quiet and uncomplicated.
"Because it's fun, Sheldon."
"This isn't fun." He found that his heart rate was increasing. An autonomic response to stimuli, he thought to soothe himself.
And her head settled on his arm, her head with its silken sheaf of hair falling across his skin. He attempted to tell her that she wasn't allowed to touch him, he even rolled over to escape her clutches, but like always, Penny ignored him and went on doing what she wanted to do, which was to press her body against his.
Sheldon felt her breasts, covered only with by sheerest cotton of her tank top, brush against his back. He tried, but failed, to stop a full body shiver that ran through him.
"And you really don't have those urges? You're really asexual?" Penny asked.
Where would she get that idea? "Yes," he said.
"Yes, what? Yes, you have urges or yes, you're asexual?"
"Yes, I have urges. But I'm evolved enough to be able to ignore them in order to fully concentrate on the important things in life." Sex and romance were needless distractions. Better he pretend that the fairer sex didn't exist than be a slave to his baser needs, like his poor, pathetic friends.
He heard her laugh somewhere in the background, over the buzzing sound that had taken over his auditory nerves. "How's that working out for you?" she said. And then she did this thing, this horribly stimulating thing with the tip of her finger running up and down his arm, that threatened to make his skin spontaneously combust.
Sheldon attempted to tell her to cease what she was doing, to come to her senses, but he found that the words lodged in his throat as she pressed her warm lips to the back of his neck.
She really, really shouldn't have done that. To his mortification, he found he was becoming erect.
Get control of yourself, he sternly lectured himself. But he'd lost all control in the face of such overwhelming stimuli. Almost against his will, he flipped over in bed so that he was facing Penny. "You win, you evil woman," he heard himself say.
He'd kissed two women in his life.
The first was Else, the girl who had lived across the hall from him in Germany. She had hair the color of maple syrup. On his birthday, she'd brought him a chocolate cake and kissed him after he blew out the candles. They'd spent a couple of hours madly kissing on his narrow little bed until he'd realized he was late for his afternoon lecture. After that, he swore he'd never make such a mistake again.
The second was Leslie Winkle, a secret buried so deeply in his cerebrum that he barely remembered it himself. He hadn't needed to swear to never make that particular mistake again. He never, ever would, not even if it meant that Superman, Batman and Spider-Man would perish in a fiery volcano.
For one instant, he considered fleeing from the bed. Perhaps he could sleep in the bathtub or the car. But his rebellious nervous system conspired against him and made alternate plans. Instead of fleeing, he kissed her.
Just before his lips touched Penny's, Sheldon wondered if he'd forgotten how to kiss.
He hadn't forgotten. Not at all. Instinct won over any apprehension as their mouths met and opened to each other. He had to suppress a groan as their tongues met.
After a long while (fifty-seven seconds, to be precise), they pulled apart from each other. He was certain his breathing would never return to normal.
"In this case, I don't win," Penny said with a chuckle. "We both do." He felt her hand wiggle its way past the waistband of his pajama pants and under his shorts to touch him. Dear nonexistent God, it felt good.
"What are you doing?" he gasped.
"Touching you," Penny said with mock innocence. As if she could be innocent, the way she was running her fingers up and down his penis.
He attempted to say something in reply to her but the words came out as a strangled and incoherent cry. He lifted up his hips so she could pull his pajamas off.
"Nice," she said. "To think you had all this hiding under those awful plaid pants of yours all this time."
"Are you referring to the size of my penis?" His face felt hot, like he was developing a fever. Perhaps he was. Maybe he'd caught the influenza virus at the banquet, despite liberal hand washing and applications of antibacterial gel. He considered getting the thermometer in his dopp kit but he found it impossible to move as Penny stroked his penis from root to tip.
"You're just too cute, Sheldon." She started giggling and he shut her up by kissing her again, intrigued by the mint-sweet taste of her mouth.
His hands slid up her tank top and he felt the soft weight of her breasts. He'd touched her breast once, last year, and the sensation had nearly stunned him into immobility then. It had the same effect now to feel her nipples hardening against the tips of her fingers and the improbable softness of her skin.
"That's nice," Penny said, her voice sounding softer and slower than he'd ever heard it before. Her hand squeezed his penis and he had to bite back a groan.
His good sense and his hormones were fighting an epic battle for Sheldon's soul. His good sense told him that this was a terrible mistake. Penny was his friend and he didn't need this kind of complication in his well-ordered life. His hormones were simply screaming "More, more, more!" in his ear.
Sheldon's hormones struck his good sense a death blow and did a victory dance over the bleeding corpse of everything he had carefully mapped out for the rest of his life.
Penny sat up, and by the faint light sneaking through the blinds he watched her slowly remove her tank top and toss it over the side of the bed. He'd always found Penny attractive. How could he not, objectively speaking? But he'd never dwelt on that fact. It just was, like how Penny was good at playing Halo and constantly ran out of sugar and milk for her coffee. But now that she was virtually naked before him, her skin seeming to glow in the dark, she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever had the privilege to see. It terrified him.
He laid his hand on her shoulder. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Good sense sat up, miraculously still breathing.
"Stop thinking so much," she said.
"That's impossible for me."
"Sheldon," she sighed, lightly raking her fingernails down his chest. "Can't we just have some fun?"
"What if I don't want to be one of your many conquests?"
Her head came to rest on his chest. "Who said you'd just be a conquest?"
"Are you saying you'd like to attempt to engage in a relationship with me?" He tried to picture it but his imagination failed him.
"I don't know. Who knows? Why limit ourselves? Why define it? Can't we just wing it?"
"If you haven't noticed, I don't excel at spontaneity."
She trailed kisses down his neck, causing a small explosion in his cerebral cortex. "Could you at least try?"
Good sense breathed its last."I can try, but I can't guarantee I'll succeed."
"That's all I ask for." She unbuttoned his pajama top. Her kisses went down his chest, across his belly and down to... and down to... He lost all ability to speak as her tongue darted out to flick against his penis.
"Jesus," he breathed, trying not to hear his mother's voice in his head, yelling at him for taking the Lord's name in vain.
Penny lifted her head. "Has anyone ever done this to you before?"
He shook his head. "No, never."
"Any of this?"
"Do you mean sexual relations? No. Not exactly. Not all the way." He stated this as a fact. Other men might be ashamed at such an admission but he wasn't. He'd had his opportunities but he'd chosen celibacy for himself.
"Fun," she said. "I don't think I've ever deflowered anyone before. It's like an adventure."
She bent to him again and took him in her mouth. Her warm, soft mouth that applied the most exquisite suction. Now he understood why his friends frequently got so agitated over the prospect of sex. This was why-it felt amazing.
His fingers grasped her shoulders as she moved him in and out of her mouth. Sheldon's head began to hurt until he realized that he was crossing his eyes. He squeezed them shut instead.
Soon, much too soon, he felt himself getting close. He might have been celibate but it didn't mean he didn't know an orgasm when he saw one. He masturbated from time to time. Not often, but when the pressure got to be too much, he did it.
He attempted to sit up. "Penny, you have to stop," he gasped.
She lifted her head. "Why?"
"Because otherwise I'm going to..." He couldn't say the words aloud to her.
"Come?" Even though it was too dark to see clearly, he imagined Penny's eyebrow rising.
"Yeah." He was so close, poised on the edge of the precipice as she gripped him in her hot palm.
"No, don't do it yet," she said. "You can control yourself. Think of baseball."
"I hate baseball."
"That's the point." She laughed.
In an instant, she was removing her little shorts and they joined their tank top friend on the floor. Sheldon tried not to imagine the germs that lived down there on the carpet.
She straddled him. "Can we do this?" she whispered in his ear and kissed him again. He thought that as long as he lived, he'd never forget how she tasted.
"You really want to?"
She took his hand and guided it between her legs. His fingers wiggled their way into her soft, slick folds. Incredible. He'd done this to her, made her lubricate in preparation for sexual intercourse with him. "See what you've done to me?" she said.
"Oh, Penny," he somehow managed to say. One of his fingers slid inside her, just as an experiment, and he heard her make a soft noise. Don't forget the clitoris, he reminded himself, it contains more than eight thousand nerve endings. He touched it gently, plump under the pad of his fingertip.
"Yeah, like that, nice and soft," Penny said, tipping her head back. "Just like that." He almost came just at her words.
Her hand found his penis. "I want you," she said. She poised over him.
"Don't we-"
"I'm on the Pill," she interrupted. "We don't need a condom."
"But, but-what about?" The words HIV, herpes simplex II, gonorrhea ran through his head.
"I just had my annual exam and I'm clean as a whistle. And I know you are." She kissed him one more time and he forgot all about disease and pregnancy and other such unpleasant things.
With her hand, she guided him inside her, inch by inch. She came to a rest once he was fully inside her. "Oh my God, we're really doing this," she said.
"Yes," he said in agreement. It was the best he could come up with at the moment, as his higher functions were currently occupied elsewhere.
Penny began to move-slow, sinuous movements of her hips that called to his mind images of belly dancers. The sensations he was experiencing traveled up his spine and through his arms and legs. Sheldon never could have imagined how soft and tight she'd be, how tremendous this would feel. He felt a sharp pang of regret for all the time he'd missed, all the times he could have been experiencing this but instead chose to sleep alone.
Her breasts brushed against his chest; she smelled like sweat and lemons and pure girl. "Touch me again," she cried out and he did his best to obey, one hand on the curve of her waist, the other stroking her clitoris. He tried to remember everything he'd learned on the Internet about sex and how to please women. Whatever he was doing, it seemed to be the right thing, as Penny was emitting sharp little cries as she rocked against his body.
Think of baseball, he reminded himself, but he couldn't remember the name of a single player or team. He attempted to hold himself back by thinking of the names of prominent string theorists, but it was already too late. He heard himself making unearthly-sounding noises as his orgasm burst through him, a small neutron bomb exploding each nerve in his body.
He'd had plenty of satisfying orgasms in his life but never, never, ever had it felt like this.
And then he stopped thinking for a good, long time.
When he returned to his senses, he felt Penny's hands cupping his face. "That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen," she said.
He blinked at her, still panting. "I apologize. That was too quick, wasn't it? It felt too quick. And I don't think you were able to achieve an orgasm before I did."
"It's never too late," she said, and she brought his fingers to her clitoris again. Within seconds, or so it seemed, she was squeezing the life out of his biceps and gasping for air.
She collapsed against his damp chest. "See?" she said, breathing hard. "It's never too late to come."
"Incredible," he said, in wonder. "The human body is a wondrous thing."
Penny rolled off him and he heard her walk across the room. "Where are you going?"
"Be right back," she called over her shoulder.
In a minute she was back in bed, curling up next to him. "I thought would be a good idea to clean up so that no one has to sleep in the wet spot."
He was touched by her thoughtfulness.
She propped herself up on her elbow. "So, did you like that?"
"What do you think? Have you gone deaf?"
She laughed and he joined her.
"Aren't you glad the Shriners came to town?" she asked. "If they hadn't, we would have just gone to sleep in our separate beds and this was way more fun."
He thought about how strange and wonderful life was. Just when he thought that he had it all mapped out, a delightful twist had come along.
"More glad than you'll ever know," Sheldon said.
*
When he woke up in the morning, he realized a few things:
a) A beautiful, naked blonde woman was sleeping beside him in bed.
b) In fact, that woman was Penny.
c) He didn't seem to mind.
d) In fact, all he wanted to do was kiss her.
e) After he brushed his teeth, that is.
f) Check-out time wasn't until eleven a.m.
A song came into his head and he found himself singing, very softly so he wouldn't wake Penny.
"Hold me closer, Tony Danza," he sang. "Count the headlights on the highway. Lay me down in sheets of linen, you had a busy day today."
END
PAIRING: Sheldon/Penny
SUMMARY: She moved closer and closer in bed to him and he felt something akin to panic grow in his chest. Not only was she violating his precious space, she was...she was a girl.
RATING: NC-17
DISCLAIMER: The characters in this story do not belong to me and no copyright infringement is intended.
WORD COUNT: 3,100
FOR: juniperlane, fujiidom and artic_fox for being amazing and ponying up for a sequel to Crossing the Line for the Help Haiti Auction. Consider bidding on something yourself to help the people of Haiti!
NOTE: Yes, this is a sequel to Crossing the Line but you don't need to have read it to understand this story. However, if you want to read it, I'm not going to complain. Instead, I'll do a little dance of joy.
It should have been simple.
Drive (be driven he corrects himself) to Fresno, give a magnificent speech at the National Association of Theoretical Physicists banquet, spend the night in a hotel, and go home.
But then Penny drew the short straw and was assigned the task of taking him to Fresno. And everything went askew after that.
In the car, half the time she burbled on and on about celebrities he neither knew about nor cared to know about ("Which Jonas Brother do you think is the cutest, Sheldon?") or, horror of horrors, she sang.
"Hold me closer, Tony Danza..."
"It's not Tony Danza," he said, attempting, but failing, to sound patient. "It's tiny dancer."
She flashed him a sidelong look. "How would you know? You hate music."
"I don't hate all music. While it's true that I find most popular music to be vulgar and annoying to the extreme, my mother is a fan of Elton John. She played that song in the car all the time when I was a child."
"Are you sure? Because someone told me that Elton John wrote the song because he had a massive crush on Tony Danza." She looked at him again.
"They were either misguided or playing some sort of practical joke on you. Now pay attention to the road, Penny. There are a number of large trucks about."
At the hotel, bursting at the seams with Shriners, of all things, he found out that he would be forced to share a bed with Penny. He didn't share beds. Ever. Even when he was a small child and thunderstorms frightened Missy, he wouldn't let her climb in bed with him. He needed his space. He needed his privacy. He didn't need Penny flopping her body parts all over the place and, heavens forbid, stealing the covers.
True, the speech went better than he ever could have imagined. Dr. Garcia introduced Sheldon to Dr. Hastings as "the best young mind in theoretical physics today." Penny behaved herself. She dressed demurely yet attractively, minded her table manners, made appropriate dinner table conversation and sat quietly through his speech, no doubt stunned into good behavior by the brilliance of his latest research findings.
All in all, Sheldon would have been quite satisfied with the experience, despite a few setbacks, if Penny hadn't insisted on attempting to push the boundaries once they got in the regretfully small bed together.
*
He could handle a decent amount of Penny's teasing. After so many years, he was used to it and could even tell she was actually teasing him, at least most of the time. But for her to willfully and knowingly cross the invisible line he'd so thoughtfully created down the middle of the bed to keep their sleeping spaces separate-that was just cruel.
She moved closer and closer in bed to him and he felt something akin to panic grow in his chest. Not only was she violating his precious space, she was...she was a girl. A girl who smelled pleasantly of citrus fruit and minty toothpaste. A girl with soft skin. And Sheldon tried to never, ever think of Penny as a girl because it was too complicated, too distracting and it made his head hurt. If he allowed himself the luxury of thinking of her as anything other than the slightly annoying but endearing neighbor across the hall, he might just go mute like Raj.
"Why are you plaguing me so?" he asked, wishing he had the power of teleportation so he could magically transport himself to his own bed. By himself, where it was quiet and uncomplicated.
"Because it's fun, Sheldon."
"This isn't fun." He found that his heart rate was increasing. An autonomic response to stimuli, he thought to soothe himself.
And her head settled on his arm, her head with its silken sheaf of hair falling across his skin. He attempted to tell her that she wasn't allowed to touch him, he even rolled over to escape her clutches, but like always, Penny ignored him and went on doing what she wanted to do, which was to press her body against his.
Sheldon felt her breasts, covered only with by sheerest cotton of her tank top, brush against his back. He tried, but failed, to stop a full body shiver that ran through him.
"And you really don't have those urges? You're really asexual?" Penny asked.
Where would she get that idea? "Yes," he said.
"Yes, what? Yes, you have urges or yes, you're asexual?"
"Yes, I have urges. But I'm evolved enough to be able to ignore them in order to fully concentrate on the important things in life." Sex and romance were needless distractions. Better he pretend that the fairer sex didn't exist than be a slave to his baser needs, like his poor, pathetic friends.
He heard her laugh somewhere in the background, over the buzzing sound that had taken over his auditory nerves. "How's that working out for you?" she said. And then she did this thing, this horribly stimulating thing with the tip of her finger running up and down his arm, that threatened to make his skin spontaneously combust.
Sheldon attempted to tell her to cease what she was doing, to come to her senses, but he found that the words lodged in his throat as she pressed her warm lips to the back of his neck.
She really, really shouldn't have done that. To his mortification, he found he was becoming erect.
Get control of yourself, he sternly lectured himself. But he'd lost all control in the face of such overwhelming stimuli. Almost against his will, he flipped over in bed so that he was facing Penny. "You win, you evil woman," he heard himself say.
He'd kissed two women in his life.
The first was Else, the girl who had lived across the hall from him in Germany. She had hair the color of maple syrup. On his birthday, she'd brought him a chocolate cake and kissed him after he blew out the candles. They'd spent a couple of hours madly kissing on his narrow little bed until he'd realized he was late for his afternoon lecture. After that, he swore he'd never make such a mistake again.
The second was Leslie Winkle, a secret buried so deeply in his cerebrum that he barely remembered it himself. He hadn't needed to swear to never make that particular mistake again. He never, ever would, not even if it meant that Superman, Batman and Spider-Man would perish in a fiery volcano.
For one instant, he considered fleeing from the bed. Perhaps he could sleep in the bathtub or the car. But his rebellious nervous system conspired against him and made alternate plans. Instead of fleeing, he kissed her.
Just before his lips touched Penny's, Sheldon wondered if he'd forgotten how to kiss.
He hadn't forgotten. Not at all. Instinct won over any apprehension as their mouths met and opened to each other. He had to suppress a groan as their tongues met.
After a long while (fifty-seven seconds, to be precise), they pulled apart from each other. He was certain his breathing would never return to normal.
"In this case, I don't win," Penny said with a chuckle. "We both do." He felt her hand wiggle its way past the waistband of his pajama pants and under his shorts to touch him. Dear nonexistent God, it felt good.
"What are you doing?" he gasped.
"Touching you," Penny said with mock innocence. As if she could be innocent, the way she was running her fingers up and down his penis.
He attempted to say something in reply to her but the words came out as a strangled and incoherent cry. He lifted up his hips so she could pull his pajamas off.
"Nice," she said. "To think you had all this hiding under those awful plaid pants of yours all this time."
"Are you referring to the size of my penis?" His face felt hot, like he was developing a fever. Perhaps he was. Maybe he'd caught the influenza virus at the banquet, despite liberal hand washing and applications of antibacterial gel. He considered getting the thermometer in his dopp kit but he found it impossible to move as Penny stroked his penis from root to tip.
"You're just too cute, Sheldon." She started giggling and he shut her up by kissing her again, intrigued by the mint-sweet taste of her mouth.
His hands slid up her tank top and he felt the soft weight of her breasts. He'd touched her breast once, last year, and the sensation had nearly stunned him into immobility then. It had the same effect now to feel her nipples hardening against the tips of her fingers and the improbable softness of her skin.
"That's nice," Penny said, her voice sounding softer and slower than he'd ever heard it before. Her hand squeezed his penis and he had to bite back a groan.
His good sense and his hormones were fighting an epic battle for Sheldon's soul. His good sense told him that this was a terrible mistake. Penny was his friend and he didn't need this kind of complication in his well-ordered life. His hormones were simply screaming "More, more, more!" in his ear.
Sheldon's hormones struck his good sense a death blow and did a victory dance over the bleeding corpse of everything he had carefully mapped out for the rest of his life.
Penny sat up, and by the faint light sneaking through the blinds he watched her slowly remove her tank top and toss it over the side of the bed. He'd always found Penny attractive. How could he not, objectively speaking? But he'd never dwelt on that fact. It just was, like how Penny was good at playing Halo and constantly ran out of sugar and milk for her coffee. But now that she was virtually naked before him, her skin seeming to glow in the dark, she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever had the privilege to see. It terrified him.
He laid his hand on her shoulder. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Good sense sat up, miraculously still breathing.
"Stop thinking so much," she said.
"That's impossible for me."
"Sheldon," she sighed, lightly raking her fingernails down his chest. "Can't we just have some fun?"
"What if I don't want to be one of your many conquests?"
Her head came to rest on his chest. "Who said you'd just be a conquest?"
"Are you saying you'd like to attempt to engage in a relationship with me?" He tried to picture it but his imagination failed him.
"I don't know. Who knows? Why limit ourselves? Why define it? Can't we just wing it?"
"If you haven't noticed, I don't excel at spontaneity."
She trailed kisses down his neck, causing a small explosion in his cerebral cortex. "Could you at least try?"
Good sense breathed its last."I can try, but I can't guarantee I'll succeed."
"That's all I ask for." She unbuttoned his pajama top. Her kisses went down his chest, across his belly and down to... and down to... He lost all ability to speak as her tongue darted out to flick against his penis.
"Jesus," he breathed, trying not to hear his mother's voice in his head, yelling at him for taking the Lord's name in vain.
Penny lifted her head. "Has anyone ever done this to you before?"
He shook his head. "No, never."
"Any of this?"
"Do you mean sexual relations? No. Not exactly. Not all the way." He stated this as a fact. Other men might be ashamed at such an admission but he wasn't. He'd had his opportunities but he'd chosen celibacy for himself.
"Fun," she said. "I don't think I've ever deflowered anyone before. It's like an adventure."
She bent to him again and took him in her mouth. Her warm, soft mouth that applied the most exquisite suction. Now he understood why his friends frequently got so agitated over the prospect of sex. This was why-it felt amazing.
His fingers grasped her shoulders as she moved him in and out of her mouth. Sheldon's head began to hurt until he realized that he was crossing his eyes. He squeezed them shut instead.
Soon, much too soon, he felt himself getting close. He might have been celibate but it didn't mean he didn't know an orgasm when he saw one. He masturbated from time to time. Not often, but when the pressure got to be too much, he did it.
He attempted to sit up. "Penny, you have to stop," he gasped.
She lifted her head. "Why?"
"Because otherwise I'm going to..." He couldn't say the words aloud to her.
"Come?" Even though it was too dark to see clearly, he imagined Penny's eyebrow rising.
"Yeah." He was so close, poised on the edge of the precipice as she gripped him in her hot palm.
"No, don't do it yet," she said. "You can control yourself. Think of baseball."
"I hate baseball."
"That's the point." She laughed.
In an instant, she was removing her little shorts and they joined their tank top friend on the floor. Sheldon tried not to imagine the germs that lived down there on the carpet.
She straddled him. "Can we do this?" she whispered in his ear and kissed him again. He thought that as long as he lived, he'd never forget how she tasted.
"You really want to?"
She took his hand and guided it between her legs. His fingers wiggled their way into her soft, slick folds. Incredible. He'd done this to her, made her lubricate in preparation for sexual intercourse with him. "See what you've done to me?" she said.
"Oh, Penny," he somehow managed to say. One of his fingers slid inside her, just as an experiment, and he heard her make a soft noise. Don't forget the clitoris, he reminded himself, it contains more than eight thousand nerve endings. He touched it gently, plump under the pad of his fingertip.
"Yeah, like that, nice and soft," Penny said, tipping her head back. "Just like that." He almost came just at her words.
Her hand found his penis. "I want you," she said. She poised over him.
"Don't we-"
"I'm on the Pill," she interrupted. "We don't need a condom."
"But, but-what about?" The words HIV, herpes simplex II, gonorrhea ran through his head.
"I just had my annual exam and I'm clean as a whistle. And I know you are." She kissed him one more time and he forgot all about disease and pregnancy and other such unpleasant things.
With her hand, she guided him inside her, inch by inch. She came to a rest once he was fully inside her. "Oh my God, we're really doing this," she said.
"Yes," he said in agreement. It was the best he could come up with at the moment, as his higher functions were currently occupied elsewhere.
Penny began to move-slow, sinuous movements of her hips that called to his mind images of belly dancers. The sensations he was experiencing traveled up his spine and through his arms and legs. Sheldon never could have imagined how soft and tight she'd be, how tremendous this would feel. He felt a sharp pang of regret for all the time he'd missed, all the times he could have been experiencing this but instead chose to sleep alone.
Her breasts brushed against his chest; she smelled like sweat and lemons and pure girl. "Touch me again," she cried out and he did his best to obey, one hand on the curve of her waist, the other stroking her clitoris. He tried to remember everything he'd learned on the Internet about sex and how to please women. Whatever he was doing, it seemed to be the right thing, as Penny was emitting sharp little cries as she rocked against his body.
Think of baseball, he reminded himself, but he couldn't remember the name of a single player or team. He attempted to hold himself back by thinking of the names of prominent string theorists, but it was already too late. He heard himself making unearthly-sounding noises as his orgasm burst through him, a small neutron bomb exploding each nerve in his body.
He'd had plenty of satisfying orgasms in his life but never, never, ever had it felt like this.
And then he stopped thinking for a good, long time.
When he returned to his senses, he felt Penny's hands cupping his face. "That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen," she said.
He blinked at her, still panting. "I apologize. That was too quick, wasn't it? It felt too quick. And I don't think you were able to achieve an orgasm before I did."
"It's never too late," she said, and she brought his fingers to her clitoris again. Within seconds, or so it seemed, she was squeezing the life out of his biceps and gasping for air.
She collapsed against his damp chest. "See?" she said, breathing hard. "It's never too late to come."
"Incredible," he said, in wonder. "The human body is a wondrous thing."
Penny rolled off him and he heard her walk across the room. "Where are you going?"
"Be right back," she called over her shoulder.
In a minute she was back in bed, curling up next to him. "I thought would be a good idea to clean up so that no one has to sleep in the wet spot."
He was touched by her thoughtfulness.
She propped herself up on her elbow. "So, did you like that?"
"What do you think? Have you gone deaf?"
She laughed and he joined her.
"Aren't you glad the Shriners came to town?" she asked. "If they hadn't, we would have just gone to sleep in our separate beds and this was way more fun."
He thought about how strange and wonderful life was. Just when he thought that he had it all mapped out, a delightful twist had come along.
"More glad than you'll ever know," Sheldon said.
*
When he woke up in the morning, he realized a few things:
a) A beautiful, naked blonde woman was sleeping beside him in bed.
b) In fact, that woman was Penny.
c) He didn't seem to mind.
d) In fact, all he wanted to do was kiss her.
e) After he brushed his teeth, that is.
f) Check-out time wasn't until eleven a.m.
A song came into his head and he found himself singing, very softly so he wouldn't wake Penny.
"Hold me closer, Tony Danza," he sang. "Count the headlights on the highway. Lay me down in sheets of linen, you had a busy day today."
END