I came across a song finally, which sums up my life and mood 100%. I read interpretations of the lyrics... and those match up with me perfectly.
Make Me A Mask by Fleetwood Mac
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/f/fleetwood+mac/make+me+a+mask_20054484.html //
Make me a mask
That I can wear
'Till day is done
The wind in the trees
The falling leaves
The world's spinning
Make me a mask
So I can laugh
'Till night time comes
No more can I stay
How long must I play
This game of winning
If I had known this was only a dream
I would have awakened from this sleep
Make me a mask
So I can last
'Till the right time comes
A tear in my eye
To light I fly
An end is beginning
//