waiting for you is like waiting rain in drought. useless and disappointing.
Title: Waiting
Pairing: Homin
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Warning: none.
Concrit: Loved
Summary: The problem with waiting is that you're not allowed to chase. The problem with chasing is that you don't know what's waiting.
A/N: I miss my husband. So, so much.
The problem with waiting is that you have to stay put. No matter how much you wanted to run, you have to stay in one place for the other side to come to you.
The problem with chasing is that you can’t stay put. No matter how much you need to stop and your feet hurts, you need to keep running or your target will be gone.
///
“Let’s play over there!”
“Don’t go too far! Mommy says it’s dangerous!”
“Come on, we’ll be careful!”
“I don’t want to! She’ll spank me if she knew!”
“Oh, scaredy cats! Wait here then!”
“Okay! Bring me back a pretty rock, okay?”
“Okay!”
///
The problem with wanting is that you can’t make reason for it. It has to stay insane and illogical because the reasons you have are emotion-based and irrational.
The problem with needing is that you have to have a reason for it It has to be concrit and concisely written in perfect terms to legally allows you to yearn.
///
“I’ll only be leaving for a few days.”
“Don’t go!”
“Come on, it’s only a short trip!”
“I don’t want you to go!”
“You’re going to come tomorrow, we’ll meet then!”
“But, but…”
“Seriously, let go of my hands. I need to go.”
“Okay…”
“Don’t worry, it’ll be okay.”
“Okay…*sniff*”
///
The problem with letting go is that you need to dump it somewhere that you won’t ever see again. And sometimes, there are things that are too heavy to dump.
The problem with them is distance.
///
“You said you’ll be back in the weekends!”
“I’m sorry, okay? Suddenly there’s this new paper and…”
“Oh, for heaven sake, dump the job for a minute!”
“I can’t and you perfectly knows why!”
“I know you can, you’re just afraid of dumping it away!”
“Oh yeah? If I’m so afraid then how come I’m driving in 100km/h now?”
“Wait, what? Yunho, slow down!”
“I can’t! Work!”
“Goodness gracious, will you- Wait, what’s that screech? YUNHO?!”
“I’m here, at the office. Talk to you later, babe.”
“Wait, Yu-“
Click.
///
And Changmin closed the phone to the 5th argument they had for the week with a sigh. It was only Tuesday and his heart already wanted to jump out of it’s cage, sick of all the shouts over the speaker and angry types over the messenger. Tears started to trickle down his cheeks when he remembers how his boyfriend is, slaved over work for both of them in the city, while he waits for him back in the suburbs, solemnly praying for him.
Sometimes he thinks of running, but his feet was stuck to the ground and his heart had turned into iron. He needs to figure out how to break free.
///
A small bucket filled with water and white lillies stood in the corner, next to his arms while a basket half-filled with stuck flowers is sitting on his lap. Carefully he took another bloom of white daisy and slip it in between two yellow roses. He eyed another blank spot and filled it with a small chrysanthemum, before putting the big-blossomed lilly in the middle of it all.
Yunho eyed him from their doorway.
///
“What are you doing?”
“Arranging flowers.”
“What for?”
“To fill in the time while you’re gone.”
“You don’t clean up the house anymore?”
“Please, 2 years living with you is enough to teach me how to finish every house chore under two hours before you come home and drag me to bed.”
“Yeah, but I like snuggling with you in bed.”
“Then choose which one you like better, a clean house or a warm bed with me.”
“Hmmm…that’s a tough one.”
“Is it?”
“Eh, not really.”
///
Your house wins over me, Changmin secretly whispered.
Which one would you show to your colleagues, a clean house or me?
///
“I’ll take the clean house.”
“You meanie.”
“My house is where you are, so I get the whole package.”
“Nice going, Mr. Economist.”
“Well, they don’t call me the brightest in the biz for nothing!”
“Whatever, Yunho.”
“I’m going to fix breakfast, you better be there in the table before the fried rice is done or I’m going to eat it all. And stop making all those flower arrangements, it’s like somebody’s dead in here.”
///
I know.
Will you be mad if I say all this flower is for me?
///
And Changmin peered out to the dark sidewalk as the rain started to fall, waiting for the lights of a car to come and flash from the edge of the lonely road. A car he knew so well, trusted to transport all his hopes and dreams on the shoulder of one man whom he knew from childhood, whom on one day of their teen asked him to come to his escape from home. Was it love or was it crush that prompted him to go along, he had never made the effort to know.
All he know now is that its raining and Yunho isn’t home yet.
///
And he’s dying. Dying on the inside.
Waiting was his life, sitting on the sidelines and letting things come back to him in any manner they fashion. He never needed more than he wanted, always the good kid that everybody can pet and admire before returning to real life. Nobody cared if the filling is empty, as long as the shell is beautiful then everything is fine.
Nobody cared if he was dying from the inside, wanting something that he could never reach or take, throwing everything else out to make room for it. It wasn’t his, but he wanted it anyway.
And he was dying from it.
///
The blaring music of the club deafens the ears. But Yunho didn’t care, he needed time away from those papers and works and weights. He needed some time to get away and let himself go fully for himself. He needed time to kick his shoes back and let go of all his straps. He needed it, he wanted it.
So he let himself for a few drinks, a few steps, a few graze, a few grinds, a few wraps, a few stumbled walks into a room, and a few sighs and moans and yelps and finally a few releases from the pulling heat of the day into the cool embraces of the room’s air conditioner and the body beside him.
He needed it, he wanted it.
///
And he’s dying, dying on the outside.
He wanted to do his best, but he can’t because he was still a junior. So he slaved away and away and by the time he reached the spot, he was alone where he needed companions most. So he goes out and relate and socialize and socialize until he finds himself knowing every single person in the whole place without a single trace of what is the place. So he searches and looked and looked and looked and looked for a nook where he can belong safely.
He keeps running and searching and gazing and chasing.
And he’s dying from it.
///
He gazed the streets and its white lights.
He gazed the dark sky and its colorless air.
His chest feels empty.
That’s why he yearns for another heart to fill the spot.
One that fits perfectly with the blank his heart used to be.
One that doesn’t have cancer in it.
One that would give him peace from eternal longing.
One that belongs to Yunho.
Of course, that’s a big shit of a dream.
Yunho would never give his heart to him.
Even if he waited until the end of time.
///
I made all the flowers for me.
So you can drape it over me one day.
I made all the sheets ready for me.
So you can wrap it around me one day.
And when that day comes, when I have to go,
Throw my empty heart into the hole with me,
One that was always beating for you.
yue_akuma , complete this story. does yunho loves changmin or not?
Pairing: Homin
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Warning: none.
Concrit: Loved
Summary: The problem with waiting is that you're not allowed to chase. The problem with chasing is that you don't know what's waiting.
A/N: I miss my husband. So, so much.
The problem with waiting is that you have to stay put. No matter how much you wanted to run, you have to stay in one place for the other side to come to you.
The problem with chasing is that you can’t stay put. No matter how much you need to stop and your feet hurts, you need to keep running or your target will be gone.
///
“Let’s play over there!”
“Don’t go too far! Mommy says it’s dangerous!”
“Come on, we’ll be careful!”
“I don’t want to! She’ll spank me if she knew!”
“Oh, scaredy cats! Wait here then!”
“Okay! Bring me back a pretty rock, okay?”
“Okay!”
///
The problem with wanting is that you can’t make reason for it. It has to stay insane and illogical because the reasons you have are emotion-based and irrational.
The problem with needing is that you have to have a reason for it It has to be concrit and concisely written in perfect terms to legally allows you to yearn.
///
“I’ll only be leaving for a few days.”
“Don’t go!”
“Come on, it’s only a short trip!”
“I don’t want you to go!”
“You’re going to come tomorrow, we’ll meet then!”
“But, but…”
“Seriously, let go of my hands. I need to go.”
“Okay…”
“Don’t worry, it’ll be okay.”
“Okay…*sniff*”
///
The problem with letting go is that you need to dump it somewhere that you won’t ever see again. And sometimes, there are things that are too heavy to dump.
The problem with them is distance.
///
“You said you’ll be back in the weekends!”
“I’m sorry, okay? Suddenly there’s this new paper and…”
“Oh, for heaven sake, dump the job for a minute!”
“I can’t and you perfectly knows why!”
“I know you can, you’re just afraid of dumping it away!”
“Oh yeah? If I’m so afraid then how come I’m driving in 100km/h now?”
“Wait, what? Yunho, slow down!”
“I can’t! Work!”
“Goodness gracious, will you- Wait, what’s that screech? YUNHO?!”
“I’m here, at the office. Talk to you later, babe.”
“Wait, Yu-“
Click.
///
And Changmin closed the phone to the 5th argument they had for the week with a sigh. It was only Tuesday and his heart already wanted to jump out of it’s cage, sick of all the shouts over the speaker and angry types over the messenger. Tears started to trickle down his cheeks when he remembers how his boyfriend is, slaved over work for both of them in the city, while he waits for him back in the suburbs, solemnly praying for him.
Sometimes he thinks of running, but his feet was stuck to the ground and his heart had turned into iron. He needs to figure out how to break free.
///
A small bucket filled with water and white lillies stood in the corner, next to his arms while a basket half-filled with stuck flowers is sitting on his lap. Carefully he took another bloom of white daisy and slip it in between two yellow roses. He eyed another blank spot and filled it with a small chrysanthemum, before putting the big-blossomed lilly in the middle of it all.
Yunho eyed him from their doorway.
///
“What are you doing?”
“Arranging flowers.”
“What for?”
“To fill in the time while you’re gone.”
“You don’t clean up the house anymore?”
“Please, 2 years living with you is enough to teach me how to finish every house chore under two hours before you come home and drag me to bed.”
“Yeah, but I like snuggling with you in bed.”
“Then choose which one you like better, a clean house or a warm bed with me.”
“Hmmm…that’s a tough one.”
“Is it?”
“Eh, not really.”
///
Your house wins over me, Changmin secretly whispered.
Which one would you show to your colleagues, a clean house or me?
///
“I’ll take the clean house.”
“You meanie.”
“My house is where you are, so I get the whole package.”
“Nice going, Mr. Economist.”
“Well, they don’t call me the brightest in the biz for nothing!”
“Whatever, Yunho.”
“I’m going to fix breakfast, you better be there in the table before the fried rice is done or I’m going to eat it all. And stop making all those flower arrangements, it’s like somebody’s dead in here.”
///
I know.
Will you be mad if I say all this flower is for me?
///
And Changmin peered out to the dark sidewalk as the rain started to fall, waiting for the lights of a car to come and flash from the edge of the lonely road. A car he knew so well, trusted to transport all his hopes and dreams on the shoulder of one man whom he knew from childhood, whom on one day of their teen asked him to come to his escape from home. Was it love or was it crush that prompted him to go along, he had never made the effort to know.
All he know now is that its raining and Yunho isn’t home yet.
///
And he’s dying. Dying on the inside.
Waiting was his life, sitting on the sidelines and letting things come back to him in any manner they fashion. He never needed more than he wanted, always the good kid that everybody can pet and admire before returning to real life. Nobody cared if the filling is empty, as long as the shell is beautiful then everything is fine.
Nobody cared if he was dying from the inside, wanting something that he could never reach or take, throwing everything else out to make room for it. It wasn’t his, but he wanted it anyway.
And he was dying from it.
///
The blaring music of the club deafens the ears. But Yunho didn’t care, he needed time away from those papers and works and weights. He needed some time to get away and let himself go fully for himself. He needed time to kick his shoes back and let go of all his straps. He needed it, he wanted it.
So he let himself for a few drinks, a few steps, a few graze, a few grinds, a few wraps, a few stumbled walks into a room, and a few sighs and moans and yelps and finally a few releases from the pulling heat of the day into the cool embraces of the room’s air conditioner and the body beside him.
He needed it, he wanted it.
///
And he’s dying, dying on the outside.
He wanted to do his best, but he can’t because he was still a junior. So he slaved away and away and by the time he reached the spot, he was alone where he needed companions most. So he goes out and relate and socialize and socialize until he finds himself knowing every single person in the whole place without a single trace of what is the place. So he searches and looked and looked and looked and looked for a nook where he can belong safely.
He keeps running and searching and gazing and chasing.
And he’s dying from it.
///
He gazed the streets and its white lights.
He gazed the dark sky and its colorless air.
His chest feels empty.
That’s why he yearns for another heart to fill the spot.
One that fits perfectly with the blank his heart used to be.
One that doesn’t have cancer in it.
One that would give him peace from eternal longing.
One that belongs to Yunho.
Of course, that’s a big shit of a dream.
Yunho would never give his heart to him.
Even if he waited until the end of time.
///
I made all the flowers for me.
So you can drape it over me one day.
I made all the sheets ready for me.
So you can wrap it around me one day.
And when that day comes, when I have to go,
Throw my empty heart into the hole with me,
One that was always beating for you.
yue_akuma , complete this story. does yunho loves changmin or not?