Fic: Dirge Without Music
Title: Dirge without Music
Author: secret_weapon
Uniwerse (TOS/XI/AU): XI. Mirrorverse. (works just as well for ToS)
Word Count: 1000
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After the agony booth.
A/N: Written for the second st_respect prompt: Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
According to kinkme, esteemed morale officer of the chulu ship, when Mirror!Kirk returned back to his own Enterprise, he ordered Mirror!Chekov back into the agony booth.
I am so lame that I broke down when I wrote the last line. You may all laugh at me now. Thanks to jessofthebugs for beta-ing.
Title and cut text misquoted from Dirge Without Music by Edna St. Vincent Millay
I never thought I’d miss the sun as much as I did. You used to laugh at me about it, remember? You used to say that I’d been in such a hurry to get to the stars, I’d forgotten about the sun.
Well, that’s one of the nicer things you said. You usually told me to stop being such a pussy and to get the fuck over it. You’re a mouthy little fucker, but that’s what I like about you.
You don’t really get it, do you? What all the fuss about sunlight is. Probably because you’d burn like an ant under a piece of glass but okay -
There’s something about natural light: natural warmth, the heat of the sun on your back, having to squint because the light’s blinding you, that little instant when you step out into the sun and you get goose bumps - things you don’t notice until they’re gone.
I think what I missed most of all was that feeling when you wake up and you realise it’s going to be a sunny day. That little thrill, a little spark of - of joy, of happiness that no matter how fucked up the rest of the day gets at least you have this.
Yeah, yeah. I know I sound sappy. Just let me finish, would you?
You're crazy, you know? Not your average I'm going to fuck your shit up crazy, like most people around here. Completely, batshit, bugfuck crazy.
I guess you have to be to survive around here.
I'm getting there. This isn't easy for me to say, okay? Fuck, you're always so impatient.
You're young and smart and that mind of yours is as bright and as brilliant as a thousand sunbeams. You look young and innocent enough, but you're the deadliest person I've ever met. You're going places baby, you'll outshine every last one of us -and here's the thing - the thing is, that you are that innocent. You'll kill a man as soon as look at him but for you that's just the way it is. You don't know any better.
Your smile lights up the room, could light up the sky - when your eyes blaze blue, they're hotter than any afternoon sun I've ever known. I can't think of anything else.
You dazzle me. I can't see straight around you.
I know you look a little messed up now, but we can fix that. It doesn't matter - let me finish - I know you're cute, but that isn't why I like you. It's what you are that I wanted. Pretty boys are a dime a dozen, but I couldn't find another one as radiant as you if I searched the whole universe.
I don't miss it any more. The sun. You're all I need to be warm - I know what you're doing when you turn the heat down, by the way - gives me an excuse to hold you without feeling weak. You should know I'd do it anyway - even if we were in a sauna, even if we were in a desert because -
When I wake up next to you, it's like sunshine filtering through my window. It doesn't matter how fucked up things are on this fucking ship. I've got you and everything's - oh god, Pavel, please would you just talk to me? I can't -
I suppose you’re enjoying this, you bastard. Watching me this way. Do you get off on it? Seeing me break? I swear to god, when you wake up I’m going to kill you again. I’m going to put my hands around your neck and squeeze until -
Oh fuck! I won’t! I won’t! You fucking know I won’t. You know you’ve got me right where you want me.
Are you angry I didn't come for you? They locked me up! I was in the brig! You know that! I tried everything I could. You can see the agoniser burns, can't you? You can see the bruises. They had to tie me down! I'm sorry. I'm sorry! You can't - You know I wouldn't let anyone touch you if I could help it! You know how I feel about -
Do you want me to say it? Is that it? Is that what this is about?
I - I - oh shit ¬- you know how I feel about you, why do you have to be such a brat about it?
Fine. Fine! I’ll say it. I love you! There. Are you happy? You can wake up now.
I mean it. I do! I know there’s nothing I can do to make you believe me - you know I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean. Please, Pavel. I can’t do this on my own. I know that now. I'm lost in the dark without you.
I should have told you it earlier. I know that now. I should have told you every day, every hour. I took you for granted. I’m sorry!
I know I'm a fucking tool. You deserve someone who'll treat you better but I - I can - I will. Please wake up! I'll be nicer. I will. I'll do anything you want. Whatever you want.
I'll stop being such a jealous fuck. It's just - I can't deal with the thought that someone could take you away from me - I won't let them, do you hear me, you fucking brat? I won't let you leave me. How do like that? Oh please, wake up!
Come on, Pavel. That booth isn't enough to beat you. You're stronger than that. If it were me, I'd be dead, but you're stronger than I ever was. If it were me lying here, you wouldn't be going to pieces - I wish it were me. I'd have taken your place. A hundred times over. Please, baby. Please wake up. I can't do this without you.
I'm begging you here, alright? This is me begging - Oh Pavel, please.
Please wake up, Pavel. Please.
Baby? Baby, please-
Please don’t leave me in the dark.
It's okay. He's only sleeping.
If all that angst got to you there's a Happy Party Post going on. Come say Hi.
Author: secret_weapon
Uniwerse (TOS/XI/AU): XI. Mirrorverse. (works just as well for ToS)
Word Count: 1000
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After the agony booth.
A/N: Written for the second st_respect prompt: Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
According to kinkme, esteemed morale officer of the chulu ship, when Mirror!Kirk returned back to his own Enterprise, he ordered Mirror!Chekov back into the agony booth.
I am so lame that I broke down when I wrote the last line. You may all laugh at me now. Thanks to jessofthebugs for beta-ing.
Title and cut text misquoted from Dirge Without Music by Edna St. Vincent Millay
I never thought I’d miss the sun as much as I did. You used to laugh at me about it, remember? You used to say that I’d been in such a hurry to get to the stars, I’d forgotten about the sun.
Well, that’s one of the nicer things you said. You usually told me to stop being such a pussy and to get the fuck over it. You’re a mouthy little fucker, but that’s what I like about you.
You don’t really get it, do you? What all the fuss about sunlight is. Probably because you’d burn like an ant under a piece of glass but okay -
There’s something about natural light: natural warmth, the heat of the sun on your back, having to squint because the light’s blinding you, that little instant when you step out into the sun and you get goose bumps - things you don’t notice until they’re gone.
I think what I missed most of all was that feeling when you wake up and you realise it’s going to be a sunny day. That little thrill, a little spark of - of joy, of happiness that no matter how fucked up the rest of the day gets at least you have this.
Yeah, yeah. I know I sound sappy. Just let me finish, would you?
You're crazy, you know? Not your average I'm going to fuck your shit up crazy, like most people around here. Completely, batshit, bugfuck crazy.
I guess you have to be to survive around here.
I'm getting there. This isn't easy for me to say, okay? Fuck, you're always so impatient.
You're young and smart and that mind of yours is as bright and as brilliant as a thousand sunbeams. You look young and innocent enough, but you're the deadliest person I've ever met. You're going places baby, you'll outshine every last one of us -and here's the thing - the thing is, that you are that innocent. You'll kill a man as soon as look at him but for you that's just the way it is. You don't know any better.
Your smile lights up the room, could light up the sky - when your eyes blaze blue, they're hotter than any afternoon sun I've ever known. I can't think of anything else.
You dazzle me. I can't see straight around you.
I know you look a little messed up now, but we can fix that. It doesn't matter - let me finish - I know you're cute, but that isn't why I like you. It's what you are that I wanted. Pretty boys are a dime a dozen, but I couldn't find another one as radiant as you if I searched the whole universe.
I don't miss it any more. The sun. You're all I need to be warm - I know what you're doing when you turn the heat down, by the way - gives me an excuse to hold you without feeling weak. You should know I'd do it anyway - even if we were in a sauna, even if we were in a desert because -
When I wake up next to you, it's like sunshine filtering through my window. It doesn't matter how fucked up things are on this fucking ship. I've got you and everything's - oh god, Pavel, please would you just talk to me? I can't -
I suppose you’re enjoying this, you bastard. Watching me this way. Do you get off on it? Seeing me break? I swear to god, when you wake up I’m going to kill you again. I’m going to put my hands around your neck and squeeze until -
Oh fuck! I won’t! I won’t! You fucking know I won’t. You know you’ve got me right where you want me.
Are you angry I didn't come for you? They locked me up! I was in the brig! You know that! I tried everything I could. You can see the agoniser burns, can't you? You can see the bruises. They had to tie me down! I'm sorry. I'm sorry! You can't - You know I wouldn't let anyone touch you if I could help it! You know how I feel about -
Do you want me to say it? Is that it? Is that what this is about?
I - I - oh shit ¬- you know how I feel about you, why do you have to be such a brat about it?
Fine. Fine! I’ll say it. I love you! There. Are you happy? You can wake up now.
I mean it. I do! I know there’s nothing I can do to make you believe me - you know I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean. Please, Pavel. I can’t do this on my own. I know that now. I'm lost in the dark without you.
I should have told you it earlier. I know that now. I should have told you every day, every hour. I took you for granted. I’m sorry!
I know I'm a fucking tool. You deserve someone who'll treat you better but I - I can - I will. Please wake up! I'll be nicer. I will. I'll do anything you want. Whatever you want.
I'll stop being such a jealous fuck. It's just - I can't deal with the thought that someone could take you away from me - I won't let them, do you hear me, you fucking brat? I won't let you leave me. How do like that? Oh please, wake up!
Come on, Pavel. That booth isn't enough to beat you. You're stronger than that. If it were me, I'd be dead, but you're stronger than I ever was. If it were me lying here, you wouldn't be going to pieces - I wish it were me. I'd have taken your place. A hundred times over. Please, baby. Please wake up. I can't do this without you.
I'm begging you here, alright? This is me begging - Oh Pavel, please.
Please wake up, Pavel. Please.
Baby? Baby, please-
Please don’t leave me in the dark.
It's okay. He's only sleeping.
If all that angst got to you there's a Happy Party Post going on. Come say Hi.