ugh
today went from a decent morning to a shitty after noon to a shittier night to a pretty rockin midnight.
everything started out ok, internet was down this morning, but i made a sweet logo for the team and i drew a pretty cool picture. then justin came in and got nutso and then i went to work. darrin was working, so i had to work and close with the boss which always sucks nuts. people were pissing me off all night. this guy david kept trying to tell me shit to do, and after i found something out that upset me, he tried to make me do something so i turned around and told him to never ever fucking tell me to do anything and then i said something along the lines of 'the next time you do ill rip out your eyes and shove them up your ass so you can watch me kick it'. i think he thought i was kidding.
anyway i busted ass to get out of there cause i couldnt take it anymore. i drove home as fast as i could.
during work i was waiting for roxanne to call me. in the mean time i was trying to get ahold of mike to see if trumpet lessions were going on. it wouldnt connect, but i just assumed it was cause mikes phone was being weird or something, so i stopped trying and waiting more for roxanne to call me. a few hours into the night, my phone suddenly decides to connect and tell me i have 4 missed calls from roxanne and one voice mail. i was pretty excited because after such a shitty midday-night, the only thing i wanted to do was be with roxanne and i couldnt wait to get off work so she could come over
bad news on the VM, her mom was going to bed and wouldnt get up to lock the door later, which means roxanne would have to leave then or not spend the night. roxanne chose not spend the night. needless to say, the news that the only thing i was looking forward to wasnt coming over made me sad and very pissed off. thats when i told david to fuck himself. i was pretty much only nice to the boss after that, and thats because i owe him 140$. anyway, i talked to roxanne and got mad
i rushed to get my work done so i could get the fuck out of there. i drove home as fast as i could to find out that roxanne went out with someone else, the one thing i was hoping not to have taken place. this on top of everything else and im not feeling very cheery. i talked to her on the phone and i was going crazy. part of me was throwing my arm around punch air wanting to scream and yell and the other part was trying not to freak out. in the end, i kept saying what was on my mind and then appologizing.
i tried to end it on the best note i could, which ended up being me in tears.
layne and his sister and her friend came over to pick up justin for dodgeball, and i figured since my plans we ruined and that i was in a lunatic high, i should go play. his sister and her friend are fucking mean! within like two seconds they were picking on me about shit, but once i got silent they stopped. the ride there was taking forever. all i wanted to do was chuck a ball at someones throat.
anyway, there were tons of people there, so we split into 4 teams and did some 4 v 4 action. then more people showed up and we had two games of 10 v 10 which was freaknig sweet. i was doing horrible at first, but people starting pissing me off more so i got the rage and started getting people out. i kept getting pissed at people for not getting out when they got hit, so i made it a point to get them all out myself.
the rage kinda wore off and i was playing normally, which was still pretty good without the wanting to nail someone in the throat.
on the way back i checked to see if there were any missed calls. there werent. but then my phone decided to tell me it wasnt connected and that i had a Voice mail. it was roxanne saying goodnight, which was nice. by then i was pretty calm and playing had almost got me out of my bad mood.
dodgeball saved my life.
to continue, i know a lot of people think im acting crazy. i know people are telling people im acting crazy. the truth is i am acting crazy. i am acting crazy because even though things are slowly getting better, theyre not the same, by far. it still hurts me when i think about it, and now instead of fear my head is filled with jealousy and worry. i am jealous of anyone who is spending time with roxanne without me. anyone. and i worry because the trust isnt there. it use to be that she could be anywhere with anyone and i wouldnt care because i had nothing to fear. well i did have something to fear and my worst nightmare came true. no more tranquillity. i fear everyone and i trust no one. when somebody says 'oh were doing this' i honestly have no fucking clue if thats what theyre doing, so im going to assume the worst everytime. thats why i worry. thats why im crazy. everyminute shes not here is a minute she is with some other guy. it may not be like that, but thats how it plays in my head. thats why i act like this.
considering what happened, i dont think im taking things very bad. i think im handling everything quite well. not perfect, but well. anyone who knows about everything that happened and wants to tell me that im overreacting and i need to stop being worried/nosy/pushy needs to put a fucking weiner in their mouth and suck it. i dont think there is one person who can tell me that they wouldnt act the same way that im acting. and if you can, either youre a fucking liar or youre not as in love as i am.
yes this will all blow over. soon? probably not. do i need to act crazy? yes.
being like this is the only thing aside from her company that keeps me sane.
tomorrow is another boring ass day thats going to come with a long night. i have nothing to do but sit and worry, after i work that is. friday is more work then finally relief. im heading over there as soon as i get off, minus time for a shower ofcourse. we got all day saturday with no work, and sunday is big d, and monday is free time and tuesday is big d. nothing is going to ruin this weekend cause im fucking sick of shit happening. its time for good times god dammit.
moral of the story
my fucking cell phone needs to go home cause its ruining my life and eating all my steaks
everything started out ok, internet was down this morning, but i made a sweet logo for the team and i drew a pretty cool picture. then justin came in and got nutso and then i went to work. darrin was working, so i had to work and close with the boss which always sucks nuts. people were pissing me off all night. this guy david kept trying to tell me shit to do, and after i found something out that upset me, he tried to make me do something so i turned around and told him to never ever fucking tell me to do anything and then i said something along the lines of 'the next time you do ill rip out your eyes and shove them up your ass so you can watch me kick it'. i think he thought i was kidding.
anyway i busted ass to get out of there cause i couldnt take it anymore. i drove home as fast as i could.
during work i was waiting for roxanne to call me. in the mean time i was trying to get ahold of mike to see if trumpet lessions were going on. it wouldnt connect, but i just assumed it was cause mikes phone was being weird or something, so i stopped trying and waiting more for roxanne to call me. a few hours into the night, my phone suddenly decides to connect and tell me i have 4 missed calls from roxanne and one voice mail. i was pretty excited because after such a shitty midday-night, the only thing i wanted to do was be with roxanne and i couldnt wait to get off work so she could come over
bad news on the VM, her mom was going to bed and wouldnt get up to lock the door later, which means roxanne would have to leave then or not spend the night. roxanne chose not spend the night. needless to say, the news that the only thing i was looking forward to wasnt coming over made me sad and very pissed off. thats when i told david to fuck himself. i was pretty much only nice to the boss after that, and thats because i owe him 140$. anyway, i talked to roxanne and got mad
i rushed to get my work done so i could get the fuck out of there. i drove home as fast as i could to find out that roxanne went out with someone else, the one thing i was hoping not to have taken place. this on top of everything else and im not feeling very cheery. i talked to her on the phone and i was going crazy. part of me was throwing my arm around punch air wanting to scream and yell and the other part was trying not to freak out. in the end, i kept saying what was on my mind and then appologizing.
i tried to end it on the best note i could, which ended up being me in tears.
layne and his sister and her friend came over to pick up justin for dodgeball, and i figured since my plans we ruined and that i was in a lunatic high, i should go play. his sister and her friend are fucking mean! within like two seconds they were picking on me about shit, but once i got silent they stopped. the ride there was taking forever. all i wanted to do was chuck a ball at someones throat.
anyway, there were tons of people there, so we split into 4 teams and did some 4 v 4 action. then more people showed up and we had two games of 10 v 10 which was freaknig sweet. i was doing horrible at first, but people starting pissing me off more so i got the rage and started getting people out. i kept getting pissed at people for not getting out when they got hit, so i made it a point to get them all out myself.
the rage kinda wore off and i was playing normally, which was still pretty good without the wanting to nail someone in the throat.
on the way back i checked to see if there were any missed calls. there werent. but then my phone decided to tell me it wasnt connected and that i had a Voice mail. it was roxanne saying goodnight, which was nice. by then i was pretty calm and playing had almost got me out of my bad mood.
dodgeball saved my life.
to continue, i know a lot of people think im acting crazy. i know people are telling people im acting crazy. the truth is i am acting crazy. i am acting crazy because even though things are slowly getting better, theyre not the same, by far. it still hurts me when i think about it, and now instead of fear my head is filled with jealousy and worry. i am jealous of anyone who is spending time with roxanne without me. anyone. and i worry because the trust isnt there. it use to be that she could be anywhere with anyone and i wouldnt care because i had nothing to fear. well i did have something to fear and my worst nightmare came true. no more tranquillity. i fear everyone and i trust no one. when somebody says 'oh were doing this' i honestly have no fucking clue if thats what theyre doing, so im going to assume the worst everytime. thats why i worry. thats why im crazy. everyminute shes not here is a minute she is with some other guy. it may not be like that, but thats how it plays in my head. thats why i act like this.
considering what happened, i dont think im taking things very bad. i think im handling everything quite well. not perfect, but well. anyone who knows about everything that happened and wants to tell me that im overreacting and i need to stop being worried/nosy/pushy needs to put a fucking weiner in their mouth and suck it. i dont think there is one person who can tell me that they wouldnt act the same way that im acting. and if you can, either youre a fucking liar or youre not as in love as i am.
yes this will all blow over. soon? probably not. do i need to act crazy? yes.
being like this is the only thing aside from her company that keeps me sane.
tomorrow is another boring ass day thats going to come with a long night. i have nothing to do but sit and worry, after i work that is. friday is more work then finally relief. im heading over there as soon as i get off, minus time for a shower ofcourse. we got all day saturday with no work, and sunday is big d, and monday is free time and tuesday is big d. nothing is going to ruin this weekend cause im fucking sick of shit happening. its time for good times god dammit.
moral of the story
my fucking cell phone needs to go home cause its ruining my life and eating all my steaks