the truth comes pouring out
oh my god
i feel so hopeless
what am i gonna do with my life
every day it feels like im getting further and further down the wrong path, and ive always thought it was temporary, i could navigate myself away from this path onto a better one eventually, but what if this is the path i walk my whole life?
im hardly eating, trying desperately to lose weight, to love my dying body. i sleep way too much, sometimes up to 17 hours a day. im drinking too much, or rather getting drunk too much because it takes nothing for me. ive been keeping myself in an intoxicated dazed state as much as i can. its another escape. its like the only way i can tolerate myself and being here is if im not here as much as possible. its just another escape. hiding from myself, from my own feelings. im afraid to feel things ive been supressing, afraid to address my situation. im just keeping myself alive everyday. and on top of it, im getting played, by more then one boy. and im playing more then one boy, im a fucking hypocrite. this shit hurts, but i brought it upon myself, knowing this is what would happen. fucking robbie, sometimes i think he cares sometimes i think he doesnt. i think he wants to see other girls, better girls, fuck i know he does. he doesnt want to be chained to me. doesnt want to be responsible for my feelings. im spiraling down ward more and more. how did this happen? who have i become. im breaking laws im stealing im lying ive been going out without anyone knowing where i am, im selling my body for drugs to thirty year old men. i want to cry. when did this become who i am. when did i let myself become this mess. its not too late to fix it yet, but it will be soon. and ive already done such damage.
oh my god im sooo pathetic. i feel like im just having a pity party here, but for god sakes look at my life, what am i doing? i need to step back and look at this sometimes. im trying to reconnect with some of my friends, i miss them. im so antisocial underneath my party girl exterior. its weird.
i got drunk with alex last night, told a russian kid we were soul mates and needed to have tiny soviets together right away. lol
i feel so hopeless
what am i gonna do with my life
every day it feels like im getting further and further down the wrong path, and ive always thought it was temporary, i could navigate myself away from this path onto a better one eventually, but what if this is the path i walk my whole life?
im hardly eating, trying desperately to lose weight, to love my dying body. i sleep way too much, sometimes up to 17 hours a day. im drinking too much, or rather getting drunk too much because it takes nothing for me. ive been keeping myself in an intoxicated dazed state as much as i can. its another escape. its like the only way i can tolerate myself and being here is if im not here as much as possible. its just another escape. hiding from myself, from my own feelings. im afraid to feel things ive been supressing, afraid to address my situation. im just keeping myself alive everyday. and on top of it, im getting played, by more then one boy. and im playing more then one boy, im a fucking hypocrite. this shit hurts, but i brought it upon myself, knowing this is what would happen. fucking robbie, sometimes i think he cares sometimes i think he doesnt. i think he wants to see other girls, better girls, fuck i know he does. he doesnt want to be chained to me. doesnt want to be responsible for my feelings. im spiraling down ward more and more. how did this happen? who have i become. im breaking laws im stealing im lying ive been going out without anyone knowing where i am, im selling my body for drugs to thirty year old men. i want to cry. when did this become who i am. when did i let myself become this mess. its not too late to fix it yet, but it will be soon. and ive already done such damage.
oh my god im sooo pathetic. i feel like im just having a pity party here, but for god sakes look at my life, what am i doing? i need to step back and look at this sometimes. im trying to reconnect with some of my friends, i miss them. im so antisocial underneath my party girl exterior. its weird.
i got drunk with alex last night, told a russian kid we were soul mates and needed to have tiny soviets together right away. lol