whats wrong with me.

[secr3tlysinfulx]

I seem to be changing so much lately.. i'm totaly not who i thought i was.. and i hate it. I'm doing all sorts of shit i swore to myself i'd never do, and i just don't seem to care. i do it, i feel liek shit, and then i do it all over again. Like 1st off all thsi bull shit i've been doing, that i really don't wanna do, and i hate doing.. like smoking, and what not,it's stupid and i don't need it, yet i cna't find ne1 to help me stop, or anyone strong enough to help me. every1 just accepts taht i'm doin all this bad shit, and they get over it.. or then there's the people that i'm too scared for them to find out.. because i'm afraid they won't like me anymore. One person imparticual.i really liked him.. but i was scared he wouldn't like me if he found out the stupid shit I do, and have done. I thought we were too different, altho i used to be alot liek him, befor i started doing all this bullshit, and so i thought we were too different, and kinda stopped tlakin to him, becaus ei was afraid of being hurt, or even worse hurting him.. idk if you know who you are.. but ya..

And then there's guys, i know what i want in a guy, i know the qualities that would make me happy, etc. yet.. i settle for less.. OR i go for guys that i can do shit with, kuz apparently that makes me feel more accepted.. although, that's not what i need of want at all, i only think it does 4 the second.. and i'm sick of it! i wanna be the old me! i don't like the new me at all, it's just not me. I wanna be like Hilary Duff in "A Cinderella Story".. i love that movie! hm... i wish..