(no subject)
I am so over work right now.
Mayes and I took a walk around the theatre grounds because we just needed to talk. Things happened today and it is the same shit over and over again where designers think that being vague in the plans means that if the end result doesn't turn out how they wanted it means we, the carps and painter, have to do things over again. Well, if your plans were more specific then we wouldn't have to.
This afternoon, we refused to change something.
I refuse to paint more stone because on the groundplans and renderings there is no stone where James wants it to be. I have already repainted the interior walls for Doubt twice because the little fucker can't make up his mind. I am not painting him more fucking stone.
*calms down*
Is it december? I want my two months off.
Mayes told me that theatre used to make him happy, that he used to care and he no longer does. That sentence felt heavy in my heart until I realized that he was speaking the truth for me as well. I no longer care. He talked about how he never takes portfolio pictures anymore and I said I hadn't in ages either. I just don't care enough.
My artistic integrity is gone.
I don't even do paint samples anymore.
Why? Because I don't fucking care to. I mix color and go. I know how to do wood grain with my eyes closed. For the floor down town I did a FOUR LAYER wood grain and I made no sample. In college that would have been preposterous but now I give no fucks. I know what it will look like when I am done so who cares? same with concrete, same with the stone. I just paint it and am done.
It is wrong. So wrong.
But I really don't care enough to change it.
This afternoon I mixed colors for Peter Pan, my favorite story. I had no enjoyment out of it. I just mixed them and labeled them like it was a chore. My job has become a chore.
As someone who went to college for scenic painting, for getting into this field because it was something I loved... this realization hurts. I am in this line of work because I had the passion for it. If you work in theatre you should have passion because of how much time and engery it takes to do but here I am, my third year in the professional world... and I already don't care.
Why don't I care?
Mayes and I took a walk around the theatre grounds because we just needed to talk. Things happened today and it is the same shit over and over again where designers think that being vague in the plans means that if the end result doesn't turn out how they wanted it means we, the carps and painter, have to do things over again. Well, if your plans were more specific then we wouldn't have to.
This afternoon, we refused to change something.
I refuse to paint more stone because on the groundplans and renderings there is no stone where James wants it to be. I have already repainted the interior walls for Doubt twice because the little fucker can't make up his mind. I am not painting him more fucking stone.
*calms down*
Is it december? I want my two months off.
Mayes told me that theatre used to make him happy, that he used to care and he no longer does. That sentence felt heavy in my heart until I realized that he was speaking the truth for me as well. I no longer care. He talked about how he never takes portfolio pictures anymore and I said I hadn't in ages either. I just don't care enough.
My artistic integrity is gone.
I don't even do paint samples anymore.
Why? Because I don't fucking care to. I mix color and go. I know how to do wood grain with my eyes closed. For the floor down town I did a FOUR LAYER wood grain and I made no sample. In college that would have been preposterous but now I give no fucks. I know what it will look like when I am done so who cares? same with concrete, same with the stone. I just paint it and am done.
It is wrong. So wrong.
But I really don't care enough to change it.
This afternoon I mixed colors for Peter Pan, my favorite story. I had no enjoyment out of it. I just mixed them and labeled them like it was a chore. My job has become a chore.
As someone who went to college for scenic painting, for getting into this field because it was something I loved... this realization hurts. I am in this line of work because I had the passion for it. If you work in theatre you should have passion because of how much time and engery it takes to do but here I am, my third year in the professional world... and I already don't care.
Why don't I care?