j, youre the only one who could ever make me write by doing so yourself.
Like an alcoholic in need of a higher power, I talk to god only when I'm at rock bottom. Then I spend half the prayer asking if he's pissed at me; I sure would be, someone coming around only when things are shitty, only to complain and say what they need.
You're self-centered, god always points out, I ought to punish you for that.
In truth though I haven't felt sad since I can remember so I guess I get to be selfish without consequences most of the time. Just now and then suddenly, a day like today is, and I'm on my knees. I'm on my knees, and I don't know what for. Supplicating because it just takes 12 hours to make me weak, and I'm only capable of asking for help from what I believe not to exist.
Like a poet in a shaft of sunlight, I come here only when I'm blinded by a feeling.
I say to god, I sometimes wish bad things on people, even people I love
I figure god wants to know why so I say,
I don't know, it's like the external drama makes me feel more sane myself, and more human for bearing witness to the sufferers
and god says, That's a fantastic load of shit, you are a sinner, a sinner, and full of excuses
I'm a little dizzy and my ears hold a metallic hollow noise like I'm walking down a sewer pipe with a radius my height, hitting a child's slinky spring against the wall. Dragging feet make a sneaker slosh sound and above is traffic revving and braking.
Someone comes in and makes the bed while I vomit orange juice kneeling before the urinal. 3 dry heaves, And also with you, Amen.
You know what, I am pissed, god says. Come find me when you've pulled yourself together and got some good news, son
You're self-centered, god always points out, I ought to punish you for that.
In truth though I haven't felt sad since I can remember so I guess I get to be selfish without consequences most of the time. Just now and then suddenly, a day like today is, and I'm on my knees. I'm on my knees, and I don't know what for. Supplicating because it just takes 12 hours to make me weak, and I'm only capable of asking for help from what I believe not to exist.
Like a poet in a shaft of sunlight, I come here only when I'm blinded by a feeling.
I say to god, I sometimes wish bad things on people, even people I love
I figure god wants to know why so I say,
I don't know, it's like the external drama makes me feel more sane myself, and more human for bearing witness to the sufferers
and god says, That's a fantastic load of shit, you are a sinner, a sinner, and full of excuses
I'm a little dizzy and my ears hold a metallic hollow noise like I'm walking down a sewer pipe with a radius my height, hitting a child's slinky spring against the wall. Dragging feet make a sneaker slosh sound and above is traffic revving and braking.
Someone comes in and makes the bed while I vomit orange juice kneeling before the urinal. 3 dry heaves, And also with you, Amen.
You know what, I am pissed, god says. Come find me when you've pulled yourself together and got some good news, son