There's something I'd like to say here
I'd like to say it from the perspective of a few years later, reading these entries as a stranger to myself.
Here is what I want to make clear: There are very few entries here that are entirely factual. When I began this journal, I intended it to be false - about the things I didn't do, about the things I wouldn't do but could have. Along the way, that morphed some. Some of the entries are true things I thought - but with a twist. I did indeed meet this person, and then I imagined the rest of the encounter. I did indeed consider this action, and then imagined what would happen. I did indeed discover this thing, and then I imagined how it could have come about. Some of the entries are entirely true.
This journal comes from a time in my life when I was discovering my sexuality for the first time. I was very concerned with what sex means, what it means to touch another person, how it feels to be admired and wanted. I spent a great deal of my time thinking about these things and being delighted. That's not wrong or strange.
These entries certainly have meaning. They are not false to who I was. They are also not who I was.
That use of my journal - I don't need it anymore. When I explore my sexuality, I do it in comfort and love and security. In John, I have a confidant and partner for all of my imaginings and enjoyments. When I explore my sensuality, I do my best to do it lovingly and considerately.
I think my original idea was a nifty one, but one that I am not the right person to follow through on. I'm not into writing fiction except very occasionally - I want to live my life as it is and rejoice in that. Every day, I choose how to react to situations, how to interpret conversations, how to live and present myself to the world. If I made other choices, I would end up in a different world, and that world could be secondhelix. But... I don't want to dwell on a world that's not the best it can be, and I do my absolute best to make the right choices, to set course by the stars of my values.
I think I no longer have a use for this journal. I'll leave it here, but I don't expect to make any more entries. Maybe I'll find a need for it again someday. Thanks for reading, and for your care.
Here are some things that were truly true about this journal:
It is so wonderful to sleep together with a person.
I do love to be touched.
A little bit of pain is quite the thing.
Einar taught me a lot about myself, and I value our relationship.
People are beautiful creatures.
Here is what I want to make clear: There are very few entries here that are entirely factual. When I began this journal, I intended it to be false - about the things I didn't do, about the things I wouldn't do but could have. Along the way, that morphed some. Some of the entries are true things I thought - but with a twist. I did indeed meet this person, and then I imagined the rest of the encounter. I did indeed consider this action, and then imagined what would happen. I did indeed discover this thing, and then I imagined how it could have come about. Some of the entries are entirely true.
This journal comes from a time in my life when I was discovering my sexuality for the first time. I was very concerned with what sex means, what it means to touch another person, how it feels to be admired and wanted. I spent a great deal of my time thinking about these things and being delighted. That's not wrong or strange.
These entries certainly have meaning. They are not false to who I was. They are also not who I was.
That use of my journal - I don't need it anymore. When I explore my sexuality, I do it in comfort and love and security. In John, I have a confidant and partner for all of my imaginings and enjoyments. When I explore my sensuality, I do my best to do it lovingly and considerately.
I think my original idea was a nifty one, but one that I am not the right person to follow through on. I'm not into writing fiction except very occasionally - I want to live my life as it is and rejoice in that. Every day, I choose how to react to situations, how to interpret conversations, how to live and present myself to the world. If I made other choices, I would end up in a different world, and that world could be secondhelix. But... I don't want to dwell on a world that's not the best it can be, and I do my absolute best to make the right choices, to set course by the stars of my values.
I think I no longer have a use for this journal. I'll leave it here, but I don't expect to make any more entries. Maybe I'll find a need for it again someday. Thanks for reading, and for your care.
Here are some things that were truly true about this journal:
It is so wonderful to sleep together with a person.
I do love to be touched.
A little bit of pain is quite the thing.
Einar taught me a lot about myself, and I value our relationship.
People are beautiful creatures.