melancholic

[secondhelix]

so she's asking me what's wrong and I won't answer her seriously
of course not
I'll laugh it off every time.

I can't guarantee that there's anything wrong.

Maybe it's that the world's been rainy
or that I feel dirty and too warm or too cold
or a persistent yeast infection
maybe it's that I have problems remembering to take my birth control
and maybe it's that I haven't done my work yet.

and all I know is that what I want is too far away.
I want him to hold my hand for just a second.

I've been making plans with other people
and that's not what I want.

Neither do I want prickly corneas.

She's seeing it when I want the people to go away and know that I shouldn't and say nothing.
She's seeing it when I take my sweater off and put my sweater on and turn the heat up and down.
and she's seeing it when I sit with my back to the room.

Maybe if she stopped asking, I could stop seeing that, too.

Something's wrong.
I wish it weren't
while it is, all I can do is try to hold myself like I know he'd hold me.
and close my eyes and turn my back to the room.