touchy
When I'm sick, my usual barriers break down and the energy that usually maintains them goes into getting well. Usually I do not want things that I can't have yet... not for more than a little bit. Usually if I did, I wouldn't talk about that.
These are private wantings.
I love and have loved a great deal.
being in love is entirely different.
I am ready for us to be stable in our lifestyles and I am ready to have loved him for years. I am ready to have children and love them and teach them and watch them for hours and days and weeks and years. I am ready to feel milk building up in my breasts. I am ready to wash babies and wrinkle my nose at their messes and have frizzy hair. I am ready for stretch marks from pregnancy. I am eager for a family. I am ready to vaccuum his living room and to launder his sheets and to eat dinner on my own placemats and wash the dishes together afterwards while letting him learn to love simon and garfunkel. We'll sing along to every song and sometimes harmonize.
I am ready to conserve my money to build a life that we want and I am ready to look forward to coming home to my place every night. I am ready to retreat into a world that we build to be together in. I am ready to sleep with him breathing next to me every night and I am ready to walk out of the shower and change to the tune of his appreciative eyes. I am ready to watch his hands follow his eyes to my growing belly. I am ready to laugh helplessly at name suggestions and I am ready to complain about the horrors of pregnancy. I am ready to be afraid when the contractions start because I know that he'll be holding my hand and smoothing the hair from my eyes. I'm ready to bring problems to him and let him help me solve anything.
I'm ready to sit in the circle of light from a lamp and discuss anything. I am ready to own esoteric books and to scold him for leaving wires scattered places. I am ready to fold clothing hot from the dryer on our bed and to choose which shampoo to buy.
I want to have him more often in my presence than he is in my thoughts. I want to be so used to him that I can not pay attention to him. I want to be able to read together and sit side by side at separate computers sending ims. I want to be childish when we go out to see movies and laugh and laugh at the same jokes.
I want to bring him to family dinners. I want my grandmother to love him. I am ready to be unable to imagine my life without him.
I know that I'm not ready. I enjoy my life now beyond belief.
Sometimes, though, I'm impatient.
I live in any moment that I happen to be in and do that well.
This moment happens to be a moment in which the future is allimportant.
These are private wantings.
I love and have loved a great deal.
being in love is entirely different.
I am ready for us to be stable in our lifestyles and I am ready to have loved him for years. I am ready to have children and love them and teach them and watch them for hours and days and weeks and years. I am ready to feel milk building up in my breasts. I am ready to wash babies and wrinkle my nose at their messes and have frizzy hair. I am ready for stretch marks from pregnancy. I am eager for a family. I am ready to vaccuum his living room and to launder his sheets and to eat dinner on my own placemats and wash the dishes together afterwards while letting him learn to love simon and garfunkel. We'll sing along to every song and sometimes harmonize.
I am ready to conserve my money to build a life that we want and I am ready to look forward to coming home to my place every night. I am ready to retreat into a world that we build to be together in. I am ready to sleep with him breathing next to me every night and I am ready to walk out of the shower and change to the tune of his appreciative eyes. I am ready to watch his hands follow his eyes to my growing belly. I am ready to laugh helplessly at name suggestions and I am ready to complain about the horrors of pregnancy. I am ready to be afraid when the contractions start because I know that he'll be holding my hand and smoothing the hair from my eyes. I'm ready to bring problems to him and let him help me solve anything.
I'm ready to sit in the circle of light from a lamp and discuss anything. I am ready to own esoteric books and to scold him for leaving wires scattered places. I am ready to fold clothing hot from the dryer on our bed and to choose which shampoo to buy.
I want to have him more often in my presence than he is in my thoughts. I want to be so used to him that I can not pay attention to him. I want to be able to read together and sit side by side at separate computers sending ims. I want to be childish when we go out to see movies and laugh and laugh at the same jokes.
I want to bring him to family dinners. I want my grandmother to love him. I am ready to be unable to imagine my life without him.
I know that I'm not ready. I enjoy my life now beyond belief.
Sometimes, though, I'm impatient.
I live in any moment that I happen to be in and do that well.
This moment happens to be a moment in which the future is allimportant.