stomach hurts on top of everything
It's my birthday. I'm 19. From an outside perspective nothing could really be better. I have an amazing girlfriend who lives in Albany right now, but that's not a problem since I am moving there soon. Maybe in the next few weeks. I have a best friend that is always around when I need him, even if being around is in Portland. And I have a job that gives me pretty good hours, the people don't suck, and it's giving me money to make moving to Albany possible. All of this and it's my birthday and everything seems so grey today. So dull or boring or just horrible.
It started last night by realizing that nothing ever happens for my birthday. 2/3 of them my dad works for and the one that he isn't at work for my parents are usually out dancing. My best friend is in Portland now, so even though I know he would want to hang out, it's just not possible. And well, Emily has class in Albany and there's just no getting away from that. I thought about how Adam's parents take him out to dinner, Emily's too. And how on Emily's birthday both the years I have known her I have spent the whole day doing nothing but making sure it was the best it could be. Sometimes I think this is why I don't believe in Karma but then again in other ways I have it far better than they do, so maybe I do. I'm almost 20... not a teenager anymore. Everything is just getting to me. Every little tiny detail of my life that isn't perfect and every detail that is near perfect is blocked. Not that I can't think about them, but when I do the emotions that should come with them don't and I am just left feeling lonely today. I guess it comes back to the age old rule that you can cry on your birthday.
It started last night by realizing that nothing ever happens for my birthday. 2/3 of them my dad works for and the one that he isn't at work for my parents are usually out dancing. My best friend is in Portland now, so even though I know he would want to hang out, it's just not possible. And well, Emily has class in Albany and there's just no getting away from that. I thought about how Adam's parents take him out to dinner, Emily's too. And how on Emily's birthday both the years I have known her I have spent the whole day doing nothing but making sure it was the best it could be. Sometimes I think this is why I don't believe in Karma but then again in other ways I have it far better than they do, so maybe I do. I'm almost 20... not a teenager anymore. Everything is just getting to me. Every little tiny detail of my life that isn't perfect and every detail that is near perfect is blocked. Not that I can't think about them, but when I do the emotions that should come with them don't and I am just left feeling lonely today. I guess it comes back to the age old rule that you can cry on your birthday.