(no subject)
here i am again. another entry that will be filled with complaints and doubts. let's get started, shall we?
i'm sad again. really fucking sad. it's like liz from a month ago packed up her shit and left. she'll be back, but not until 2008. things are good. no, really, they are. i feel lost again, though. uncomfortable in my skin. i swear, it's every year right around this time. i know i'm lonely. i have no life out here. i work, i sleep, i clean the house, bry and i hang out occasionally when he's around, i have two friends that i hang out with occasionally (one is 50 the other is 42), and that's pretty much it. i've tried meeting people my own age, but i haven't had any luck. no one really understands my sense of humor.
i'm doubting bry and i. i'm not making any rash decisions. i can't. i can't tell if i'm not happy in this relationship or if i'm just not happy. interestingly enough, we've almost hit the two year mark. i always seem to opt out of the contract at 6-months or 2-years. why the fuck is that? it's like an alarm in my unconscious that goes off when i reach the point of no return. i could be having these feelings because he hasn't been home for a month or they could be genuine. i'm so ridiculous sometimes.
i was just looking through some of dennis' old pictures and i can't remember the last time i had as much fun as i did during 2003-2005. god i miss home. bah.
alright, my mind is going too fast to get anything else out that will be readable. i need to go to bed and not dream about anything too scary or weird.
i've seen all the stars in my once bright future. now i'm told to reach for one.
xoxo.
i'm sad again. really fucking sad. it's like liz from a month ago packed up her shit and left. she'll be back, but not until 2008. things are good. no, really, they are. i feel lost again, though. uncomfortable in my skin. i swear, it's every year right around this time. i know i'm lonely. i have no life out here. i work, i sleep, i clean the house, bry and i hang out occasionally when he's around, i have two friends that i hang out with occasionally (one is 50 the other is 42), and that's pretty much it. i've tried meeting people my own age, but i haven't had any luck. no one really understands my sense of humor.
i'm doubting bry and i. i'm not making any rash decisions. i can't. i can't tell if i'm not happy in this relationship or if i'm just not happy. interestingly enough, we've almost hit the two year mark. i always seem to opt out of the contract at 6-months or 2-years. why the fuck is that? it's like an alarm in my unconscious that goes off when i reach the point of no return. i could be having these feelings because he hasn't been home for a month or they could be genuine. i'm so ridiculous sometimes.
i was just looking through some of dennis' old pictures and i can't remember the last time i had as much fun as i did during 2003-2005. god i miss home. bah.
alright, my mind is going too fast to get anything else out that will be readable. i need to go to bed and not dream about anything too scary or weird.
i've seen all the stars in my once bright future. now i'm told to reach for one.
xoxo.