um, hello?
uh, yeah. hi.
i swear, there will come a time where i update this thing regularly again.
where do i begin?
alright. so michael and i are no longer together. no lying about it. i cheated on him with bryan from reno. i fucked that up, yes. my car was impounded due to a few things mostly because i'm an idiot. i almost lost my job again because i'm an idiot. and school = suckfest not because i'm an idiot though : P that was all in february. i officially *hate* valentine's day.
after mike and i broke up we had many discussions about us and me. he bought me a self-help book. i understand the reasoning behind it, but i felt it was a bit of a blow. a low one. anyway, he did open my eyes up to a lot of destructive behaviors i have with relationships, romantic and otherwise. it was hard to hear the consequences of my actions, but it felt good to finally take responsibility for them. i realize i have hurt a lot of people, mainly myself, with the things i have done. whether they were intentional or unintentional. it was extremely emotional for me. not only because i felt guilt, but because i've been numb to all of this shit for way too long.
i took some time off from everything. became a hermit for a few weeks. i feel good. very good, in fact. better than i have felt in a long time.
work has been alright. i feel kind of uncomfortable there because i can't seem to do anything right. i think my boss hates me, which is ::insert sarcasm here:: awesome. it's not a difficult job by any means, i just have so much running through my head it's hard to concentrate on anything else. i know it will get better. it has to.
as for school, i plan on going to the Connecticut School of Broadcasting soon. maybe march. maybe july. depends on my financial aid stuff and if they still have space. the program is what i want. it will be over in about 8 months, so by this time next year i will be on air at a radio station. that would be fantastic. i can finally get my life started. it's taken me long enough. jesus. we'll see about that aid, though. money = non existent in my life, and i will have to make payments while i'm there. we'll see.
my car is being sold sometime next week. dad will be getting me one from the auction. that will certainly help my finances a bit. not having to pay a car payment every month will be pretty damn sweet. oh yes.
i will be going to minnesota next weekend to visit bryan. that is all i will say about that. know that a wonderful time will be had. yes. : D
other than that, things are peachy. i haven't really seen anyone as of late. i miss all of you. i truly apologize to anyone i've neglected over the past few months or weeks. xoxo to you : )
um, yes. i think that was it.
wait, my brother will be calling tomorrow! yay! he's been calling every saturday since he was deployed, but i've only talked to him once. it will be good to hear his voice. i miss him like crazy. i worry about him *way* too much. i haven't really let anyone know how badly i'm taking this, but secret's out: i'm not taking it well at all. people tell me he will be fine, and i smile and nod. it doesn't make me feel better. i've already had one person get taken away from me over there, i couldn't handle losing james. gah. no crying.
anyway, yes. there is my update. yay! time for sleepies now. i do believe i will start updating this thing more often.
xoxoxo
<3
i swear, there will come a time where i update this thing regularly again.
where do i begin?
alright. so michael and i are no longer together. no lying about it. i cheated on him with bryan from reno. i fucked that up, yes. my car was impounded due to a few things mostly because i'm an idiot. i almost lost my job again because i'm an idiot. and school = suckfest not because i'm an idiot though : P that was all in february. i officially *hate* valentine's day.
after mike and i broke up we had many discussions about us and me. he bought me a self-help book. i understand the reasoning behind it, but i felt it was a bit of a blow. a low one. anyway, he did open my eyes up to a lot of destructive behaviors i have with relationships, romantic and otherwise. it was hard to hear the consequences of my actions, but it felt good to finally take responsibility for them. i realize i have hurt a lot of people, mainly myself, with the things i have done. whether they were intentional or unintentional. it was extremely emotional for me. not only because i felt guilt, but because i've been numb to all of this shit for way too long.
i took some time off from everything. became a hermit for a few weeks. i feel good. very good, in fact. better than i have felt in a long time.
work has been alright. i feel kind of uncomfortable there because i can't seem to do anything right. i think my boss hates me, which is ::insert sarcasm here:: awesome. it's not a difficult job by any means, i just have so much running through my head it's hard to concentrate on anything else. i know it will get better. it has to.
as for school, i plan on going to the Connecticut School of Broadcasting soon. maybe march. maybe july. depends on my financial aid stuff and if they still have space. the program is what i want. it will be over in about 8 months, so by this time next year i will be on air at a radio station. that would be fantastic. i can finally get my life started. it's taken me long enough. jesus. we'll see about that aid, though. money = non existent in my life, and i will have to make payments while i'm there. we'll see.
my car is being sold sometime next week. dad will be getting me one from the auction. that will certainly help my finances a bit. not having to pay a car payment every month will be pretty damn sweet. oh yes.
i will be going to minnesota next weekend to visit bryan. that is all i will say about that. know that a wonderful time will be had. yes. : D
other than that, things are peachy. i haven't really seen anyone as of late. i miss all of you. i truly apologize to anyone i've neglected over the past few months or weeks. xoxo to you : )
um, yes. i think that was it.
wait, my brother will be calling tomorrow! yay! he's been calling every saturday since he was deployed, but i've only talked to him once. it will be good to hear his voice. i miss him like crazy. i worry about him *way* too much. i haven't really let anyone know how badly i'm taking this, but secret's out: i'm not taking it well at all. people tell me he will be fine, and i smile and nod. it doesn't make me feel better. i've already had one person get taken away from me over there, i couldn't handle losing james. gah. no crying.
anyway, yes. there is my update. yay! time for sleepies now. i do believe i will start updating this thing more often.
xoxoxo
<3