RP Log: Momo & Ryoma
Date: Saturday Night (3/3)
Rating: G
Summary: Um. Stuff. Ryoma finally makes some kind of decision. Bring kleenex ._.
Ryoma opened the door to the bathroom, sighing and making sure the door to the other bedroom that shared it was locked. He didn't want to do this. But if he just... sat on it, it would only be worse later. And it was bad enough now. Maybe this is what Eiji-sempai and Tezuka meant, when they said that he had to be an adult, but that being an adult sometimes meant making decisions that hurt other people. Ryoma still hated that, more than anything, he thought as he blinked blearily into the mirror. His heart was pounding like he'd just run laps around the entire house; he turned on the sink, just staring at the stream of water a moment before splashing some of it onto his face, slowly reaching over to turn it off again and wiping his face with the towel.
It was now or never.
And it had to be now.
"Hey - Momo?" he called, voice tight as he leaned heavily on the counter, staring down at the sink. "C'n you... c'mere a sec?"
He had to do this. He had to do this right.
A slight tremble ran through his hands and Momo felt himself only able to manage a nod, shuffling closer to his best friend. He knew what was coming. He had known ever since he had heard about what was happening between Tezuka and Ryoma in the first place. This was right - it would be right. It hurt more than Momo was willing to admit, whether to Ryoma or to himself, but it was the right decision; one that would hurt them far less in the future if it happened now. But, that still didn’t keep Momo from wanting to fold Ryoma into his arms and simply cling onto him to put off the inevitable, even if it meant both of them being unable to truly be happy while this loomed over their shoulders.
He had meant everything he said the night before - he would always have open arms for Ryoma if he needed an escape. There would be no running away this time. Momo wouldn’t let there be. He was still going to be Ryoma’s best friend through anything, and while he did say that the night before, he hoped that Ryoma could really remember that. It was the exact same as with Tezuka - the most important thing to Momo was their friendship, above any sort of romantic feelings or wants.
Ryoma took a deep breath, watching in the mirror as Momo shuffled into the room, waiting a long minute before he realized that he just... couldn't put it off any longer. No matter how badly he wanted to, and no matter how nice... the entire past day had been. It meant so much to him. But the only way to show that right now was to... get this over with, out in the open, so things could start to get better. Right?
He slid past Momo, closing the bathroom door and leaning heavily against it, eyes closed a moment more, before he opened them and looked up at Momo. All it took was another few heartbeats before he'd crossed the small space and reached up, looping arms around Momo's neck and pulling him down for a kiss - hard, desperate, like Ryoma was trying to tell Momo everything about himself with this one gesture alone. It didn't matter that Momo already knew all of it. Ryoma had to tell him anyway. And it might be the only chance he had to get this right.
In return, Momo wrapped his arms tight around Ryoma’s waist, returning the kiss just as desperately, feeling another tremble run through his body as he realized this was even harder than he thought it was going to be. He tried to blank his mind - forget any sort of thoughts until he and Ryoma had broken apart - but found it to be difficult when all that was running through his mind was he was going to have to let Ryoma go. And how much he just didn’t want to do it, no matter how much it needed to happen. His fingers somehow wound up bunching up the bottom hem of Ryoma’s shirt, clutching so tight he could feel his knuckles becoming numb, while his other hand simply rested against Ryoma’s side.
Ryoma only pressed himself closer to Momo, holding the kiss long past when his lungs wanted to break it, until the air in them was stale and he was getting lightheaded and he still didn't want to pull away but he finally didn't have much choice, lips moving away from Momo's as he slid down until his heels touched the ground again (he hadn't even realized he'd been standing on tiptoes) as he gasped for breath a moment, blinking clumsily against the fabric of Momo's shirt, feeling the stinging behind his eyes that he was desperately trying to hold back.
He tried once to speak and failed - his throat and chest were tight, didn't want to form words. He took another few seconds, tried again, squeezing his eyes closed and tightening his arms around Momo's neck. "I - Takeshi - " he faltered, but kept going anyway. He had to do this. He had to. "I love you. I love you so much I... I dunno how to tell you right. I love you. Don't ever think I don't -" He stopped, trying to put this off for just a few more seconds, burying his face against the other's chest, letting the first few tears soak into the material there.
As soon as he felt the warmth slowly gather from the tears against his chest, Momo let his hand loosen the bunched fabric enough to properly wrap his arms around Ryoma, holding on as tight as he could manage without hurting Ryoma, and buried his face into Ryoma’s hair. He wouldn’t have to say a word and Momo would understand; he knew, perhaps intuitively, no matter what managed to make its way vocally out of Ryoma’s mouth. It could be gibberish, as far as Momo could tell, and he would still understand.
He needed to squeeze his eyes shut against the consistent sting, and Momo felt his throat constrict to make the words near impossible to come out; but he needed to say it - he had to let Ryoma know, too, or else Momo would forever kick himself for never have saying it when he had the chance. “I love you, too, Ryoma,” he managed to say without much of a quiver in his voice, his arms tightening a bit where it would be near painful if Ryoma tried to suddenly pull away now. “So much.” Momo felt a tear slip from his eye and be lost somewhere in Ryoma’s hair. His shoulders were starting to shake. “I understand, though - I always will.” Momo felt his next words stick in his throat. “You’re doing the right thing.” Momo knew Ryoma was - no matter how much it hurt to do it.
Ryoma didn't care that Momo was hugging him so hard he could barely breathe - breathing seemed unimportant right now, everything seemed unimportant but trying to stay on his feet, trying to keep the dam in place, and it wasn't going to last much longer.
"I don't care," he whispered, even as Momo told him he was doing the right thing - he couldn't get his voice any louder than that, his throat had closed to all but nothing. "I still... I still need you. An' I won't leave like I did. I promise." But that was figurative - he had to leave for now - he couldn't stay here or he wouldn't do this, it'd be a disaster and he couldn't handle any more disasters this week. He was already breaking. He wouldn't have the strength to do this again.
He squeezed his eyes shut so hard it hurt, and shifted up onto his toes once more, pressing a soft kiss to Momo's throat. "I'm so sorry," he whispered - he didn't even know if it was loud enough for Momo to hear; then he pulled, just a little, against Momo's grip. He swallowed, hard, and tried to get his voice to work again, a little louder. "I - I have to go for now." He knew Momo would understand. He wasn't leaving for good. Just for now. This was something they couldn't do together. Not at first.
Something gripped tight at Momo’s heart, but he was compelled to loosen his grip to allow Ryoma to pull away, no matter how difficult it was. Momo knew this wasn’t Ryoma running away - Momo know that it would only cause Ryoma to decide he couldn’t do it if he stayed, and Momo wasn’t entirely sure he’d let Ryoma go, either. His eyes were still stinging from trying to hold back a flood of tears, but he wouldn’t let himself - not yet. Not until he could take the time alone and let them out then. Ryoma was already having enough of a tough time trying to pull away - Momo wouldn’t make it worse for him.
Dropping a hand lightly atop Ryoma’s head, Momo ruffled his hair, and held it there for a moment, just holding Ryoma’s gaze. It would all work out sooner or later. It had to. Despite the trembles running through his hands, Momo nodded and managed a smile - it wavered at the edges, but it was done with true intention behind it. He wasn’t smiling just for the sake of trying to convince Ryoma he was all right. “I know,” Momo whispered, unable to say anything more through the tightness of his throat, and leaned forward to press a kiss to Ryoma’s forehead, his hand dropping away from the top of the shorter man’s head, allowing him the space to move.
Ryoma nodded, holding Momo's gaze as long as he could, before blinking rapidly a few times and wiping the back of his hand across his eyes, nodding just a little and feeling a watery smile tug at the corners of his mouth, despite how his insides felt like they were coming apart at the seams. "Thanks," Ryoma said, quietly, but loud enough for Momo to hear, and that one word spanned a lot more than just the past ten minutes.
"Thank you," he repeated, finally taking a small step back, because he really couldn't stay any longer, he already felt his chest trying to heave and he wasn't going to be able to hold it in. If he ran into Momo's arms again he wouldn't leave. "I'll - I'll come back later," he said, voice harsh with the tears he was losing against, and took one more look at Momo before he ducked his head and pulled the door open, slipping out and pulling it shut behind him, staring blearily at their room for a moment before sidestepping an inquisitive Karupin and speedwalking for the door, breath coming in short gasps as he pulled it open and shut, stumbling blindly down the hall.
Momo watched Ryoma’s retreating back as he walked through the door, eyes stinging, and felt himself slowly losing the battle against the tears threatening to fall down his cheeks, lowering himself down to the floor, leaning against the wall. They would be okay - they would always be okay. No matter what happened. Momo kept that a mantra swimming through his head as he curled his legs up near his chest, burying his face into his hands, and just let himself begin to cry; sobs wracking his chest until he would be unable to feel anything else but numbness. He was harshly reminded of a time past - when he truly realized he didn’t know how to get into contact with his best friend without going through troubles Ryoma’s fans would have to in the fanclub - but Momo told himself it was not time for that, and just get it out.
Rating: G
Summary: Um. Stuff. Ryoma finally makes some kind of decision. Bring kleenex ._.
Ryoma opened the door to the bathroom, sighing and making sure the door to the other bedroom that shared it was locked. He didn't want to do this. But if he just... sat on it, it would only be worse later. And it was bad enough now. Maybe this is what Eiji-sempai and Tezuka meant, when they said that he had to be an adult, but that being an adult sometimes meant making decisions that hurt other people. Ryoma still hated that, more than anything, he thought as he blinked blearily into the mirror. His heart was pounding like he'd just run laps around the entire house; he turned on the sink, just staring at the stream of water a moment before splashing some of it onto his face, slowly reaching over to turn it off again and wiping his face with the towel.
It was now or never.
And it had to be now.
"Hey - Momo?" he called, voice tight as he leaned heavily on the counter, staring down at the sink. "C'n you... c'mere a sec?"
He had to do this. He had to do this right.
A slight tremble ran through his hands and Momo felt himself only able to manage a nod, shuffling closer to his best friend. He knew what was coming. He had known ever since he had heard about what was happening between Tezuka and Ryoma in the first place. This was right - it would be right. It hurt more than Momo was willing to admit, whether to Ryoma or to himself, but it was the right decision; one that would hurt them far less in the future if it happened now. But, that still didn’t keep Momo from wanting to fold Ryoma into his arms and simply cling onto him to put off the inevitable, even if it meant both of them being unable to truly be happy while this loomed over their shoulders.
He had meant everything he said the night before - he would always have open arms for Ryoma if he needed an escape. There would be no running away this time. Momo wouldn’t let there be. He was still going to be Ryoma’s best friend through anything, and while he did say that the night before, he hoped that Ryoma could really remember that. It was the exact same as with Tezuka - the most important thing to Momo was their friendship, above any sort of romantic feelings or wants.
Ryoma took a deep breath, watching in the mirror as Momo shuffled into the room, waiting a long minute before he realized that he just... couldn't put it off any longer. No matter how badly he wanted to, and no matter how nice... the entire past day had been. It meant so much to him. But the only way to show that right now was to... get this over with, out in the open, so things could start to get better. Right?
He slid past Momo, closing the bathroom door and leaning heavily against it, eyes closed a moment more, before he opened them and looked up at Momo. All it took was another few heartbeats before he'd crossed the small space and reached up, looping arms around Momo's neck and pulling him down for a kiss - hard, desperate, like Ryoma was trying to tell Momo everything about himself with this one gesture alone. It didn't matter that Momo already knew all of it. Ryoma had to tell him anyway. And it might be the only chance he had to get this right.
In return, Momo wrapped his arms tight around Ryoma’s waist, returning the kiss just as desperately, feeling another tremble run through his body as he realized this was even harder than he thought it was going to be. He tried to blank his mind - forget any sort of thoughts until he and Ryoma had broken apart - but found it to be difficult when all that was running through his mind was he was going to have to let Ryoma go. And how much he just didn’t want to do it, no matter how much it needed to happen. His fingers somehow wound up bunching up the bottom hem of Ryoma’s shirt, clutching so tight he could feel his knuckles becoming numb, while his other hand simply rested against Ryoma’s side.
Ryoma only pressed himself closer to Momo, holding the kiss long past when his lungs wanted to break it, until the air in them was stale and he was getting lightheaded and he still didn't want to pull away but he finally didn't have much choice, lips moving away from Momo's as he slid down until his heels touched the ground again (he hadn't even realized he'd been standing on tiptoes) as he gasped for breath a moment, blinking clumsily against the fabric of Momo's shirt, feeling the stinging behind his eyes that he was desperately trying to hold back.
He tried once to speak and failed - his throat and chest were tight, didn't want to form words. He took another few seconds, tried again, squeezing his eyes closed and tightening his arms around Momo's neck. "I - Takeshi - " he faltered, but kept going anyway. He had to do this. He had to. "I love you. I love you so much I... I dunno how to tell you right. I love you. Don't ever think I don't -" He stopped, trying to put this off for just a few more seconds, burying his face against the other's chest, letting the first few tears soak into the material there.
As soon as he felt the warmth slowly gather from the tears against his chest, Momo let his hand loosen the bunched fabric enough to properly wrap his arms around Ryoma, holding on as tight as he could manage without hurting Ryoma, and buried his face into Ryoma’s hair. He wouldn’t have to say a word and Momo would understand; he knew, perhaps intuitively, no matter what managed to make its way vocally out of Ryoma’s mouth. It could be gibberish, as far as Momo could tell, and he would still understand.
He needed to squeeze his eyes shut against the consistent sting, and Momo felt his throat constrict to make the words near impossible to come out; but he needed to say it - he had to let Ryoma know, too, or else Momo would forever kick himself for never have saying it when he had the chance. “I love you, too, Ryoma,” he managed to say without much of a quiver in his voice, his arms tightening a bit where it would be near painful if Ryoma tried to suddenly pull away now. “So much.” Momo felt a tear slip from his eye and be lost somewhere in Ryoma’s hair. His shoulders were starting to shake. “I understand, though - I always will.” Momo felt his next words stick in his throat. “You’re doing the right thing.” Momo knew Ryoma was - no matter how much it hurt to do it.
Ryoma didn't care that Momo was hugging him so hard he could barely breathe - breathing seemed unimportant right now, everything seemed unimportant but trying to stay on his feet, trying to keep the dam in place, and it wasn't going to last much longer.
"I don't care," he whispered, even as Momo told him he was doing the right thing - he couldn't get his voice any louder than that, his throat had closed to all but nothing. "I still... I still need you. An' I won't leave like I did. I promise." But that was figurative - he had to leave for now - he couldn't stay here or he wouldn't do this, it'd be a disaster and he couldn't handle any more disasters this week. He was already breaking. He wouldn't have the strength to do this again.
He squeezed his eyes shut so hard it hurt, and shifted up onto his toes once more, pressing a soft kiss to Momo's throat. "I'm so sorry," he whispered - he didn't even know if it was loud enough for Momo to hear; then he pulled, just a little, against Momo's grip. He swallowed, hard, and tried to get his voice to work again, a little louder. "I - I have to go for now." He knew Momo would understand. He wasn't leaving for good. Just for now. This was something they couldn't do together. Not at first.
Something gripped tight at Momo’s heart, but he was compelled to loosen his grip to allow Ryoma to pull away, no matter how difficult it was. Momo knew this wasn’t Ryoma running away - Momo know that it would only cause Ryoma to decide he couldn’t do it if he stayed, and Momo wasn’t entirely sure he’d let Ryoma go, either. His eyes were still stinging from trying to hold back a flood of tears, but he wouldn’t let himself - not yet. Not until he could take the time alone and let them out then. Ryoma was already having enough of a tough time trying to pull away - Momo wouldn’t make it worse for him.
Dropping a hand lightly atop Ryoma’s head, Momo ruffled his hair, and held it there for a moment, just holding Ryoma’s gaze. It would all work out sooner or later. It had to. Despite the trembles running through his hands, Momo nodded and managed a smile - it wavered at the edges, but it was done with true intention behind it. He wasn’t smiling just for the sake of trying to convince Ryoma he was all right. “I know,” Momo whispered, unable to say anything more through the tightness of his throat, and leaned forward to press a kiss to Ryoma’s forehead, his hand dropping away from the top of the shorter man’s head, allowing him the space to move.
Ryoma nodded, holding Momo's gaze as long as he could, before blinking rapidly a few times and wiping the back of his hand across his eyes, nodding just a little and feeling a watery smile tug at the corners of his mouth, despite how his insides felt like they were coming apart at the seams. "Thanks," Ryoma said, quietly, but loud enough for Momo to hear, and that one word spanned a lot more than just the past ten minutes.
"Thank you," he repeated, finally taking a small step back, because he really couldn't stay any longer, he already felt his chest trying to heave and he wasn't going to be able to hold it in. If he ran into Momo's arms again he wouldn't leave. "I'll - I'll come back later," he said, voice harsh with the tears he was losing against, and took one more look at Momo before he ducked his head and pulled the door open, slipping out and pulling it shut behind him, staring blearily at their room for a moment before sidestepping an inquisitive Karupin and speedwalking for the door, breath coming in short gasps as he pulled it open and shut, stumbling blindly down the hall.
Momo watched Ryoma’s retreating back as he walked through the door, eyes stinging, and felt himself slowly losing the battle against the tears threatening to fall down his cheeks, lowering himself down to the floor, leaning against the wall. They would be okay - they would always be okay. No matter what happened. Momo kept that a mantra swimming through his head as he curled his legs up near his chest, burying his face into his hands, and just let himself begin to cry; sobs wracking his chest until he would be unable to feel anything else but numbness. He was harshly reminded of a time past - when he truly realized he didn’t know how to get into contact with his best friend without going through troubles Ryoma’s fans would have to in the fanclub - but Momo told himself it was not time for that, and just get it out.