Fic: Namor the Sub-Mariner vs. the Marine Mammal Protection Act
Title: Namor the Sub-Mariner vs. the Marine Mammal Protection Act (Or The Uncanny Sea Lions)
Rating: G
Disclaimer: If I owned Marvel, Jubilee would have her powers back
Word count: ~600
Summary: Did you know that it is a federal crime to harass the sea lions in San Francisco?
Notes: This is what happens when I go on vacation to San Francisco - I end up writing ridiculous crack fic about the city. Many thanks to harmonyangel and likeadeuce for answering my ridiculous "does Henry know this character?" questions and to harmonyangel for the beta.
"I'm really sorry to have to bring this to your attention, Cyclops," the mayor of San Francisco said apologetically, "but Namor did commit a federal crime on United States soil, and H.A.M.M.E.R. is insisting on a meeting. I figured you would rather talk to me than Osborn, however."
Namor stood behind Cyclops, his arms crossed and glaring down at the mayor. "I do not recognize this law," he told her imperiously. "I am the lord of the sea. What is this harassment you speak of?"
"It's a federal crime to harass the sea lions," she told him.
"I summoned them and they did my bidding," Namor retorted.
Cyclops sighed and rubbed his temples. "Look, Sadie, I know that we've put you in a difficult situation here, but..."
"But nothing," another voice said, and Cyclops thought he recognized the voice. He turned around and saw someone who looked familiar.
"Hello, Anthem," Sadie said with a sigh. "I thought Mr. Osborn agreed that I could handle this."
"There was an altercation in California, which makes it my responsibility," he said. Anthem, and Scott had finally figured out who this guy was, didn't sound that happy to be here. Of course, considering that Henry Hellrung knew Tony Stark fairly intimately, Cyclops didn't think that a minor argument about harassing sea lions should be bothering him that much.
It was odd meeting the man who had played Iron Man on TV, and Scott wished it was under different circumstances. Jean had liked that show, and they had watched it together.
"Your presence is not required here," Namor informed Anthem dismissively.
"Unfortunately for both of us, it is," Henry said, shaking his head. "Look, I hope you realize how serious this situation is. Norman Osborn really wants to nail you for something, and violating the Marine Mammal Protection Act would give him just the opening he needs. Do you really want to piss off the animal rights activists? They already have enough of a problem with your uniforms."
"Are you going to try and arrest us, then?" Scott said.
"If you don't want to come quietly," Anthem replied. He really didn't sound that happy about it.
"I really didn't want to have to do this," Scott said apologetically to the mayor.
"Please don't destroy my office," she told him sincerely.
"Jennifer?" Scott asked. "Could you come in here?
Anthem let out a groan. "Hello, She-Hulk," he said. "Let me guess, the X-Men hired you as their lawyer."
"They did," she said, grinning triumphantly. "And I think I can solve this problem right now. I've been perusing the Marine Mammal Protection Act," as she spoke she dropped a pile of papers on the mayor's desk, "and apparently you can simply get a letter from the mayor allowing you to engage in activities that might bother the Sea Lions."
"I was not harassing them, they are creatures of my dominion," Namor insisted, and Scott sighed.
She-Hulk smiled at Sadie. "I'm sure there won't be any problem getting a letter, and that should cover all legalities."
"I definitely think so," Sadie agreed. "Pleasure doing business with you, Ms. She-Hulk."
"Well then," Scott said. "I think we've solved all the problems."
"That covers almost all of it," the mayor said. "Just one more thing. A member of your team has been causing some problems in town. I think his name is Deadpool?"
And Cyclops had thought that his headache would go away once they solved the sea lion problem.
"Deadpool," he said firmly. "Is not an X-Man."
Rating: G
Disclaimer: If I owned Marvel, Jubilee would have her powers back
Word count: ~600
Summary: Did you know that it is a federal crime to harass the sea lions in San Francisco?
Notes: This is what happens when I go on vacation to San Francisco - I end up writing ridiculous crack fic about the city. Many thanks to harmonyangel and likeadeuce for answering my ridiculous "does Henry know this character?" questions and to harmonyangel for the beta.
"I'm really sorry to have to bring this to your attention, Cyclops," the mayor of San Francisco said apologetically, "but Namor did commit a federal crime on United States soil, and H.A.M.M.E.R. is insisting on a meeting. I figured you would rather talk to me than Osborn, however."
Namor stood behind Cyclops, his arms crossed and glaring down at the mayor. "I do not recognize this law," he told her imperiously. "I am the lord of the sea. What is this harassment you speak of?"
"It's a federal crime to harass the sea lions," she told him.
"I summoned them and they did my bidding," Namor retorted.
Cyclops sighed and rubbed his temples. "Look, Sadie, I know that we've put you in a difficult situation here, but..."
"But nothing," another voice said, and Cyclops thought he recognized the voice. He turned around and saw someone who looked familiar.
"Hello, Anthem," Sadie said with a sigh. "I thought Mr. Osborn agreed that I could handle this."
"There was an altercation in California, which makes it my responsibility," he said. Anthem, and Scott had finally figured out who this guy was, didn't sound that happy to be here. Of course, considering that Henry Hellrung knew Tony Stark fairly intimately, Cyclops didn't think that a minor argument about harassing sea lions should be bothering him that much.
It was odd meeting the man who had played Iron Man on TV, and Scott wished it was under different circumstances. Jean had liked that show, and they had watched it together.
"Your presence is not required here," Namor informed Anthem dismissively.
"Unfortunately for both of us, it is," Henry said, shaking his head. "Look, I hope you realize how serious this situation is. Norman Osborn really wants to nail you for something, and violating the Marine Mammal Protection Act would give him just the opening he needs. Do you really want to piss off the animal rights activists? They already have enough of a problem with your uniforms."
"Are you going to try and arrest us, then?" Scott said.
"If you don't want to come quietly," Anthem replied. He really didn't sound that happy about it.
"I really didn't want to have to do this," Scott said apologetically to the mayor.
"Please don't destroy my office," she told him sincerely.
"Jennifer?" Scott asked. "Could you come in here?
Anthem let out a groan. "Hello, She-Hulk," he said. "Let me guess, the X-Men hired you as their lawyer."
"They did," she said, grinning triumphantly. "And I think I can solve this problem right now. I've been perusing the Marine Mammal Protection Act," as she spoke she dropped a pile of papers on the mayor's desk, "and apparently you can simply get a letter from the mayor allowing you to engage in activities that might bother the Sea Lions."
"I was not harassing them, they are creatures of my dominion," Namor insisted, and Scott sighed.
She-Hulk smiled at Sadie. "I'm sure there won't be any problem getting a letter, and that should cover all legalities."
"I definitely think so," Sadie agreed. "Pleasure doing business with you, Ms. She-Hulk."
"Well then," Scott said. "I think we've solved all the problems."
"That covers almost all of it," the mayor said. "Just one more thing. A member of your team has been causing some problems in town. I think his name is Deadpool?"
And Cyclops had thought that his headache would go away once they solved the sea lion problem.
"Deadpool," he said firmly. "Is not an X-Man."