the unbearable lightness of being
it's been so long since i've done any significant writing that i feel uneasy using commas.
true, i suppose, all that stuff i used to say about style being mostly practice.
anyway.
the new year feels like a thousand clocks chiming at once. there are uncountable things i should or could be doing, but nothing besides the occasional need to eat drives me in the direction of any of them. meanwhile, the seasonal round continues at new college apace: i participate, sometimes, drinking and telling the same old jokes with people i've known for (can it really be?) years now. during slow days i find myself thinking about getting (don't adults have?) a real job, only to pause and remember that this is it, that here i am, that all those times i used to daydream about (was that really so long ago?) are now.
so what, then? write, paint, run in happy mindless circles because goddamnit i have no debt and i am healthy and my car is paid off and my rent is cheap and fuck if anyone can stop me?
i spend hours thinking this way.
then--- glorying in my liberation, intoxicated with the improbability of my nearly complete freedom--- i usually end up playing video games. exhausted, you see, from the ridiculous possibility of my life.
ring, clocks, ring.
true, i suppose, all that stuff i used to say about style being mostly practice.
anyway.
the new year feels like a thousand clocks chiming at once. there are uncountable things i should or could be doing, but nothing besides the occasional need to eat drives me in the direction of any of them. meanwhile, the seasonal round continues at new college apace: i participate, sometimes, drinking and telling the same old jokes with people i've known for (can it really be?) years now. during slow days i find myself thinking about getting (don't adults have?) a real job, only to pause and remember that this is it, that here i am, that all those times i used to daydream about (was that really so long ago?) are now.
so what, then? write, paint, run in happy mindless circles because goddamnit i have no debt and i am healthy and my car is paid off and my rent is cheap and fuck if anyone can stop me?
i spend hours thinking this way.
then--- glorying in my liberation, intoxicated with the improbability of my nearly complete freedom--- i usually end up playing video games. exhausted, you see, from the ridiculous possibility of my life.
ring, clocks, ring.