mirror and flow
visited david, pat and stu today. it was the first day that the new first years have come to campus while i haven't been a student. a hurricane rained out the beginning of my orientation too, and i thought about that while i walked around with renee and tried not to make "when i was a little one" comments more than five times per second.
i don't really know where the past few months have gone. august will be over in a week or so, and september will mark the third month i've been unemployed and mostly directionless since my graduation.
don't get me wrong--- i have lots of plans. deadline plans, paper plans, plans for things i will be doing, plans for things i have to do before my mother refuses to give me any more money. i would be acting on these plans if i could jerk myself out of the rhythm of the semester calendar, but i haven't been able to so far.
despite the intellectual knowledge that i need to start doing something besides reading comics and eating vietnamese food, i can't stop thinking in 4-month increments. i make complex resolutions to find a job or clean the house, only to get the feeling i should wait for a batch of classes and responsibilities that simply aren't coming. tardily, i chastise myself for thinking about a fall semester that doesn't exist, resolve to go on about my life, and wake up the next day with the same strange feeling that i need to put things off until i get my course schedule.
meh.
(life after college would be wonderful if i could make myself start it.)
i don't really know where the past few months have gone. august will be over in a week or so, and september will mark the third month i've been unemployed and mostly directionless since my graduation.
don't get me wrong--- i have lots of plans. deadline plans, paper plans, plans for things i will be doing, plans for things i have to do before my mother refuses to give me any more money. i would be acting on these plans if i could jerk myself out of the rhythm of the semester calendar, but i haven't been able to so far.
despite the intellectual knowledge that i need to start doing something besides reading comics and eating vietnamese food, i can't stop thinking in 4-month increments. i make complex resolutions to find a job or clean the house, only to get the feeling i should wait for a batch of classes and responsibilities that simply aren't coming. tardily, i chastise myself for thinking about a fall semester that doesn't exist, resolve to go on about my life, and wake up the next day with the same strange feeling that i need to put things off until i get my course schedule.
meh.
(life after college would be wonderful if i could make myself start it.)