Woo, been a very long time since I posted
I am a little nervous today, as we are doing the Ra Hoor Kuit Mahayoga practice today. My energies and experience of self have been strange since cleaning up my act on 03/24/07. I had started smoking pot again sometime after the fall equinox when I tried and did not like it. Well at some point I got into the total mind fuck addiction loop once again. Had I not been able to stop, it would have destroyed me on some level. I had a sense of impending doom and it pretty much scared the crap out of me. This was confirmed by Sam W saying that it was really good that I stopped. So anyhow, I am slightly unnerved by prospects of Reiki II class and Stolistes fill in for Tara, not sure that I know how to fit Practicus knowledge lecture into this picture. I am very much taking it one day at a time, as I am incapable of doing too much more than that.
Rachel meets with the membership commitee on thursday 04/12, and I am awfully excited about that. When I mentioned lodge to her when she was struggling with her choice of spiritual path, I don't think I really expected her to take it up, but Pantheacon this year changed things, including making our bond stronger and her having a wonderful time with sam lam, jeremy and others after the faerie ritual we shared. She is an amazing young woman in so many ways, I hope that we both have long healthy lives so that I can watch her grow. what a miracle that she is in my life as my daughter. I am grateful.
I reviewed the bulk of notes that I have from Melinda on the Reiki II class, but I am not clear as to how you make it a two day class. It seems to indicate that you give the Reiki II attunement on both days, but as far as I can see there is only one attunement. I will have two weeks next week to get it set in my head, as well as get supplies in order to do it right. I am a little nervous about it but I have to trust that the Reiki guides/masters will help me as does the Reiki itself in this my work.
In a nutshell, I feel kind of empty these days and not aligned with my purpose. Near as I can figure, the combination of fucking up on the DA program starting with buying the ounce of pot and culminating with debting on the computer, in combination with the damage of smoking myself into oblivion day in and day out has cost me in confidence if nothing else. I will have to rebuild a strong foundation and redeem myself in my own eyes....scary stuff.
I cannot think of anything else to add at this time.
will try and post more.....