lots to catch up
not sweating quite so much about writing in this journal as long as i am keeping up with writing my poems on a daily basis.
i am smitten in love in yearning in lust in amazement with bill .....and yet enough separation exits that i continue to live the rest of my life outside of our thing to the best of my ability. i did have another episode of getting sick right before lodge with first 0=0 hall as Kerux. i really do not know how to stop this pattern, it is evident, but all i can do is do my best to be prepared and fearless as i know the god and the others in lodge always support my best efforts. anyhow. i meet kristen saturday and all the omens and feedback seem to indicate all will go well. i have put my most intense prayers to it and now i leave it in the hands of those gods who love me enough to bring life and rebirth into my life. Blessed Be.
i can not ever again use any substance without being as clear as possible why. and should I. i most definitely have an addictive personality for ill and for good. locking in good habits is not too hard with time, but ditto for the unhealthy ones. i think honestly that part of the problem is that i have too much time alone other than at work. my social life has not dramatically changed except that i see lodge people more often in passing and of course B.
I am not sure what is going to happen in my relations with Lee. I feel that it may change and i pray if so that it does so with love and gentleness. i have caused that man enough pain this time around.
work is actually getting to be a little fun. i am starting to feel like i own my job and that is always when it gets to be enjoyable.
i am writing and i go from it being hard to being bliss when the words roll off my fingers. passion and strong emotion often inspired by my liasons with Bill are the fuel....but i feel i need to write daily .....
r wll be 8 on monday the 18th and i got her the computer for b day and graduation. i cannot believe this beautiful young woman so grown is my daugther.
ummmm, i think that is about it, i am starved and need to do the litter. :)
i am smitten in love in yearning in lust in amazement with bill .....and yet enough separation exits that i continue to live the rest of my life outside of our thing to the best of my ability. i did have another episode of getting sick right before lodge with first 0=0 hall as Kerux. i really do not know how to stop this pattern, it is evident, but all i can do is do my best to be prepared and fearless as i know the god and the others in lodge always support my best efforts. anyhow. i meet kristen saturday and all the omens and feedback seem to indicate all will go well. i have put my most intense prayers to it and now i leave it in the hands of those gods who love me enough to bring life and rebirth into my life. Blessed Be.
i can not ever again use any substance without being as clear as possible why. and should I. i most definitely have an addictive personality for ill and for good. locking in good habits is not too hard with time, but ditto for the unhealthy ones. i think honestly that part of the problem is that i have too much time alone other than at work. my social life has not dramatically changed except that i see lodge people more often in passing and of course B.
I am not sure what is going to happen in my relations with Lee. I feel that it may change and i pray if so that it does so with love and gentleness. i have caused that man enough pain this time around.
work is actually getting to be a little fun. i am starting to feel like i own my job and that is always when it gets to be enjoyable.
i am writing and i go from it being hard to being bliss when the words roll off my fingers. passion and strong emotion often inspired by my liasons with Bill are the fuel....but i feel i need to write daily .....
r wll be 8 on monday the 18th and i got her the computer for b day and graduation. i cannot believe this beautiful young woman so grown is my daugther.
ummmm, i think that is about it, i am starved and need to do the litter. :)