Gains and Losses- Chapter 15: "Feelings" (Havoc)
This is the fifteenth chapter of the arc called "Gains and Losses". It is Havoc-centric. It is set in the mangaverse, so if you don't know what happens to Havoc around Chapter 38, then read it before you start this fic.
Title: Feelings
Author: SeaweedOtter
Beta: The final beta for the ever awesome havocmangawip. Good luck with your fic!
Characters: Jean Havoc, Maria Ross, and the rest of the gang
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Manga Spoilers... Set in the manga, a couple years after the end of Chapter 38. Maybe AU?
Summary: Feelings... nothing more than feelings...
Read all the chapters so far HERE!
Even though it had been close to three weeks since their last real date, Havoc felt as light and wonderful as he had that first night. He had even started to look forward to his therapy every morning. If someone had told him that he would actually enjoy his therapy sessions when he had started with Ross, he would have called them crazy.
Their morning routine always started out the same way. After Havoc was awakened by his alarm clock (he never had been an early riser), he took care of the morning necessities. Afterwards, he would go out onto the back porch and have a cigarette, while Ross got ready and make herself a bit of breakfast.
They would greet each other, Havoc gave her a soft, chaste kiss on the cheek, and he would get situated on the floor while she got her equipment ready. Then they would start.
Havoc had been progressing well. There hadn't been any major breakthroughs, but none had been expected. Lately, he had been practicing using a pair of crutches. At first, he taught himself to balance and worked on his upper body strength to keep himself upright. After a while, he attempted to swing his legs forward to try to become ambulatory. Unfortunately- more often that not, he ended up falling.
"Let's take a break, Jean." Ross said after his most recent attempt at using the crutches had left him in an awkward heap on the floor. He was sure that his ankle was going to be puffy and bruised- how he had fallen on it, but since he couldn't feel it, he knew that he had to be particularly careful to make sure that it didn't develop into anything worse.
She gently helped him into his chair, and he headed towards the back door to take a cigarette break, thoroughly exhausted. Ross stood behind him a few minutes later, draping her hands over his broad shoulders and resting her chin on the top of his head. "Are you okay?" she asked, softly whispering into his ear and giving the bottom of the lobe a light kiss.
"Yeah, I'm just worn out," he replied. "I feel like I need a shower and a nap, even after being at this just a short time. I’m so tired of this. I mean, I’m okay when I’m wheeling myself around. I don't get too tired, but when I try to exert myself, even just a little, I can't do it for long." He sighed, letting out a long, smoky breath.
Ross smiled and kissed him again- a bit harder on his cheek. "I don't think you realize it, but you’ve really improved. You’re working a lot harder than you think. You have nothing to be ashamed of." She was silent for a second, and then she giggled as a thought came to her mind.
She grinned back at him and gave him a kiss on the other cheek. "Well, I know we’ve gone out, and I always have a good time when I’m with you. I’m so relaxed and comfortable when you’re around. I can't believe how well it worked out- that we’re sharing an apartment together."
"Tell you what," she started after pausing a second. "If you take me out on a date- and I mean a real date where we dress up and go out to dinner, not these informal get-togethers we have been having lately- after you finish your cigarette, we will have a short acupuncture session. Then we can call it a day. What do you say to that?"
Havoc smiled. He took one last drag of his cigarette, smashed the butt in the ashtray, and then turned himself around to face her. "Ah, so you have to resort to bribery, eh? Oh, the shame of it all!" Havoc put his hand to his forehead in mock indignation.
He put his hand on top of hers, interlacing their fingers for a brief moment. "I would love to go out on another date with you, Maria Ross," he said as he patted her hand, then rolled past her and back into the living room. "Now, let's get that acupuncture over with. I still hate needles." He shivered noticeably.
She followed behind him, nodding her head. "I know that’s your least favorite part, but if you cooperate, you’ll get a kiss at the end."
"Ah ha. That’s the best kind of bribery!" Havoc flashed a goofy grin and transferred from the chair to the floor, bracing himself mentally for the inevitable.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Havoc wasn't sure the date could have gone much better. The next night that both of them had off from work, they dressed up in their nicest clothes and a taxi took them to a fancy noodle restaurant in the heart of downtown Central. As soon as they went in, the blond had gotten some odd looks from the patrons. Apparently they weren’t used to a man in a suit, confined to a wheelchair. But neither he nor Ross said anything, and eventually most of them went on about their business.
Despite that setback, Havoc was determined not to let it ruin the rest of his evening, which made Ross feel much better. She noticed the stares, and had felt terribly embarrassed for Havoc. She could only imagine how he had felt. If it had been her, she wouldn’t have been able to take the staring and whispering, and probably would’ve left in tears. She was proud of how Havoc had handled it- not with harsh words or rash actions. All he did was stare back, until they wilted under his gaze and decided that they didn't feel like looking any more.
Even the waiter had seen what happened, and personally came over to apologize. He sent over a bottle of wine on his tab. Havoc hadn't planned on having wine, but it was delicious, and they ended up ordering another bottle themselves.
More than slightly tipsy, they traveled around downtown Central for a while, enjoying the sights and sounds. Even though it was late, there were a few stores open, and Havoc waited patiently while Ross bought and changed into a new pair of high heeled shoes that didn’t match as well, but were much more comfortable than the ones she had on.
As much as Havoc would never admit to it, Ross could tell after a while that he was starting to get tired, and she suggested that they find a taxi and get a ride back home.
"I don't want to ruin your fun," he protested.
“Trust me. It’s fine. If you don't want to go to bed once we get back, I can make coffee and we can talk for a bit. That’s fine with me." She smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. "As long as I’m with you, then it’s good."
"Well, okay then," he said and smiled in return, taking her hand and giving the back of it a light kiss.
It didn't take them long to hail a taxi, and soon they were back in their small apartment. Havoc was very tired, and Ross could tell, but neither of them wanted the night to end, and he talked her into making coffee, even though was sure he’d regret it in the morning.
When the coffee was ready, Ross brought it into the living room and set the cups and pitcher on the table. She sat on the couch, and he moved closer to her. They sipped on their coffee and chatted for a while. At first they mostly talked about work. She didn't get to visit Central Command much, so she asked how Mustang, Hawkeye and the rest of the gang were.
Eventually, the conversation worked towards their childhoods- and Havoc related a story about how when he was a kid, one of the neighbor's dogs got loose from its chain and knocked him over. "...And when I fell, that dog was this close to me!" Havoc wheeled as close as he could to Ross, until their legs were touching. He leaned forward, their noses just millimeters apart.
They were both silent for a moment. The two were so close, but they both seemed a bit unsure as to what to do next. Havoc felt her soft, warm breath on his face, and the perfume that she wore wafted into his nostrils. He finally leaned forward, turning his face slightly to kiss her on the lips- fully but gently.
If it was a minute or an hour before they broke that kiss, neither of them seemed to know for sure, nor did they care. Ross blushed and smiled, and Havoc gently took her delicate chin in his hand and pulled her back for a shorter kiss. "Maria." He said softly, rubbing the back of his hand against her cheek. He could feel her warmth as she flushed red. ‘It makes her look even cuter, if that’s possible,’ he thought to himself.
"Jean." Her hand explored his, touching lightly. She traced her finger up his arm, eliciting a shiver from the man. She giggled. "I can feel the goose bumps on your arm."
"That felt good," he replied. "Please, don't stop."
Little else needed to be said. Fingers explored clothing and flesh. Lips met, and then tongues, dancing together in a sensual tango. The back of Ross' dress left little to the imagination. There was plenty of skin for Havoc to explore- and he did- running the pads of his fingers down her back, drawing a low moan from her lips.
He smiled- a mischievous smile, as he used his short fingernails to leave light red marks down her skin. "Oh..." she groaned, kissing his harder. She reached inside of his jacket and loosened his tie, then undid the top button of his white shirt. One of her hands snaked inside and teased a nipple, making him hiss in pleasure.
Havoc wiggled a little in his chair. He couldn't feel it, but he knew he was starting to get excited. It was easy to tell. His breath was short and ragged, and a fine sheen of sweat glimmered on his forehead. One quick look down confirmed that he was correct.
Ross saw that he was staring, and she followed his gaze into his lap. She smiled at him, giving him a short kiss on the lips. "I- I'm glad that I can... um... do that for you." She giggled nervously.
"Why wouldn't you?" He replied. "You’re beautiful and wonderful, and great to be around. You’re everything a guy could want." He paused for a moment and took her hand in his. "Everything... I want."
She looked at him and smiled, pulling her hand away from his. She laid it on his knee, and then looked up at him, making sure that he didn't mind. He only smiled back. Her hand moved slowly, agonizingly slowly up his knee, towards his thigh. She paused again, about halfway, waiting for any sign or noise that would indicate that this was unwanted or too forward.
No sign came.
Ross' hand moved up further, to the upper part of his outer thigh- so tantalizingly close where she could see the fabric tenting very noticeably. She licked her lips, wondering what was hiding so close, underneath those dress pants. ‘It certainly looks sizable’ she thought.
Havoc seemed to understand why she had paused, and he nodded. "If you... want to, you can," he said softly, his voice barely over a whisper. He knew that it was awkward for both of them. Neither of them were new to this, but it was different than anyone else. They were both exploring new limits- for themselves and each other.
Tentatively, her fingers brushed against the fabric, just next to the bulge. His breath hitched, and his eyes thinned for a moment. A shiver of pleasure ran up his spine. She moved to the zipper and slowly pulled it down, letting out an embarrassed giggle when she saw that he had decided to forgo the annoyance of underwear and had nothing on underneath.
His throat was dry and his cheeks flushed deep red. She reached into his pants and gently caressed the shaft with the tips of her fingers, moving from the base towards the head, which was already deepening in color with his growing arousal.
Suddenly, Jean gasped loudly, letting out a yelp of surprise. His eyes went as wide as saucers. Ross immediately pulled her hand away, deathly afraid that she had done something wrong. "What is it, Jean? What did I do?" She asked, terrified.
"I... I... I think could feel that," he said in a low, shaky voice. "I thought I felt you touch me!"
Title: Feelings
Author: SeaweedOtter
Beta: The final beta for the ever awesome havocmangawip. Good luck with your fic!
Characters: Jean Havoc, Maria Ross, and the rest of the gang
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Manga Spoilers... Set in the manga, a couple years after the end of Chapter 38. Maybe AU?
Summary: Feelings... nothing more than feelings...
Read all the chapters so far HERE!
Even though it had been close to three weeks since their last real date, Havoc felt as light and wonderful as he had that first night. He had even started to look forward to his therapy every morning. If someone had told him that he would actually enjoy his therapy sessions when he had started with Ross, he would have called them crazy.
Their morning routine always started out the same way. After Havoc was awakened by his alarm clock (he never had been an early riser), he took care of the morning necessities. Afterwards, he would go out onto the back porch and have a cigarette, while Ross got ready and make herself a bit of breakfast.
They would greet each other, Havoc gave her a soft, chaste kiss on the cheek, and he would get situated on the floor while she got her equipment ready. Then they would start.
Havoc had been progressing well. There hadn't been any major breakthroughs, but none had been expected. Lately, he had been practicing using a pair of crutches. At first, he taught himself to balance and worked on his upper body strength to keep himself upright. After a while, he attempted to swing his legs forward to try to become ambulatory. Unfortunately- more often that not, he ended up falling.
"Let's take a break, Jean." Ross said after his most recent attempt at using the crutches had left him in an awkward heap on the floor. He was sure that his ankle was going to be puffy and bruised- how he had fallen on it, but since he couldn't feel it, he knew that he had to be particularly careful to make sure that it didn't develop into anything worse.
She gently helped him into his chair, and he headed towards the back door to take a cigarette break, thoroughly exhausted. Ross stood behind him a few minutes later, draping her hands over his broad shoulders and resting her chin on the top of his head. "Are you okay?" she asked, softly whispering into his ear and giving the bottom of the lobe a light kiss.
"Yeah, I'm just worn out," he replied. "I feel like I need a shower and a nap, even after being at this just a short time. I’m so tired of this. I mean, I’m okay when I’m wheeling myself around. I don't get too tired, but when I try to exert myself, even just a little, I can't do it for long." He sighed, letting out a long, smoky breath.
Ross smiled and kissed him again- a bit harder on his cheek. "I don't think you realize it, but you’ve really improved. You’re working a lot harder than you think. You have nothing to be ashamed of." She was silent for a second, and then she giggled as a thought came to her mind.
She grinned back at him and gave him a kiss on the other cheek. "Well, I know we’ve gone out, and I always have a good time when I’m with you. I’m so relaxed and comfortable when you’re around. I can't believe how well it worked out- that we’re sharing an apartment together."
"Tell you what," she started after pausing a second. "If you take me out on a date- and I mean a real date where we dress up and go out to dinner, not these informal get-togethers we have been having lately- after you finish your cigarette, we will have a short acupuncture session. Then we can call it a day. What do you say to that?"
Havoc smiled. He took one last drag of his cigarette, smashed the butt in the ashtray, and then turned himself around to face her. "Ah, so you have to resort to bribery, eh? Oh, the shame of it all!" Havoc put his hand to his forehead in mock indignation.
He put his hand on top of hers, interlacing their fingers for a brief moment. "I would love to go out on another date with you, Maria Ross," he said as he patted her hand, then rolled past her and back into the living room. "Now, let's get that acupuncture over with. I still hate needles." He shivered noticeably.
She followed behind him, nodding her head. "I know that’s your least favorite part, but if you cooperate, you’ll get a kiss at the end."
"Ah ha. That’s the best kind of bribery!" Havoc flashed a goofy grin and transferred from the chair to the floor, bracing himself mentally for the inevitable.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Havoc wasn't sure the date could have gone much better. The next night that both of them had off from work, they dressed up in their nicest clothes and a taxi took them to a fancy noodle restaurant in the heart of downtown Central. As soon as they went in, the blond had gotten some odd looks from the patrons. Apparently they weren’t used to a man in a suit, confined to a wheelchair. But neither he nor Ross said anything, and eventually most of them went on about their business.
Despite that setback, Havoc was determined not to let it ruin the rest of his evening, which made Ross feel much better. She noticed the stares, and had felt terribly embarrassed for Havoc. She could only imagine how he had felt. If it had been her, she wouldn’t have been able to take the staring and whispering, and probably would’ve left in tears. She was proud of how Havoc had handled it- not with harsh words or rash actions. All he did was stare back, until they wilted under his gaze and decided that they didn't feel like looking any more.
Even the waiter had seen what happened, and personally came over to apologize. He sent over a bottle of wine on his tab. Havoc hadn't planned on having wine, but it was delicious, and they ended up ordering another bottle themselves.
More than slightly tipsy, they traveled around downtown Central for a while, enjoying the sights and sounds. Even though it was late, there were a few stores open, and Havoc waited patiently while Ross bought and changed into a new pair of high heeled shoes that didn’t match as well, but were much more comfortable than the ones she had on.
As much as Havoc would never admit to it, Ross could tell after a while that he was starting to get tired, and she suggested that they find a taxi and get a ride back home.
"I don't want to ruin your fun," he protested.
“Trust me. It’s fine. If you don't want to go to bed once we get back, I can make coffee and we can talk for a bit. That’s fine with me." She smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. "As long as I’m with you, then it’s good."
"Well, okay then," he said and smiled in return, taking her hand and giving the back of it a light kiss.
It didn't take them long to hail a taxi, and soon they were back in their small apartment. Havoc was very tired, and Ross could tell, but neither of them wanted the night to end, and he talked her into making coffee, even though was sure he’d regret it in the morning.
When the coffee was ready, Ross brought it into the living room and set the cups and pitcher on the table. She sat on the couch, and he moved closer to her. They sipped on their coffee and chatted for a while. At first they mostly talked about work. She didn't get to visit Central Command much, so she asked how Mustang, Hawkeye and the rest of the gang were.
Eventually, the conversation worked towards their childhoods- and Havoc related a story about how when he was a kid, one of the neighbor's dogs got loose from its chain and knocked him over. "...And when I fell, that dog was this close to me!" Havoc wheeled as close as he could to Ross, until their legs were touching. He leaned forward, their noses just millimeters apart.
They were both silent for a moment. The two were so close, but they both seemed a bit unsure as to what to do next. Havoc felt her soft, warm breath on his face, and the perfume that she wore wafted into his nostrils. He finally leaned forward, turning his face slightly to kiss her on the lips- fully but gently.
If it was a minute or an hour before they broke that kiss, neither of them seemed to know for sure, nor did they care. Ross blushed and smiled, and Havoc gently took her delicate chin in his hand and pulled her back for a shorter kiss. "Maria." He said softly, rubbing the back of his hand against her cheek. He could feel her warmth as she flushed red. ‘It makes her look even cuter, if that’s possible,’ he thought to himself.
"Jean." Her hand explored his, touching lightly. She traced her finger up his arm, eliciting a shiver from the man. She giggled. "I can feel the goose bumps on your arm."
"That felt good," he replied. "Please, don't stop."
Little else needed to be said. Fingers explored clothing and flesh. Lips met, and then tongues, dancing together in a sensual tango. The back of Ross' dress left little to the imagination. There was plenty of skin for Havoc to explore- and he did- running the pads of his fingers down her back, drawing a low moan from her lips.
He smiled- a mischievous smile, as he used his short fingernails to leave light red marks down her skin. "Oh..." she groaned, kissing his harder. She reached inside of his jacket and loosened his tie, then undid the top button of his white shirt. One of her hands snaked inside and teased a nipple, making him hiss in pleasure.
Havoc wiggled a little in his chair. He couldn't feel it, but he knew he was starting to get excited. It was easy to tell. His breath was short and ragged, and a fine sheen of sweat glimmered on his forehead. One quick look down confirmed that he was correct.
Ross saw that he was staring, and she followed his gaze into his lap. She smiled at him, giving him a short kiss on the lips. "I- I'm glad that I can... um... do that for you." She giggled nervously.
"Why wouldn't you?" He replied. "You’re beautiful and wonderful, and great to be around. You’re everything a guy could want." He paused for a moment and took her hand in his. "Everything... I want."
She looked at him and smiled, pulling her hand away from his. She laid it on his knee, and then looked up at him, making sure that he didn't mind. He only smiled back. Her hand moved slowly, agonizingly slowly up his knee, towards his thigh. She paused again, about halfway, waiting for any sign or noise that would indicate that this was unwanted or too forward.
No sign came.
Ross' hand moved up further, to the upper part of his outer thigh- so tantalizingly close where she could see the fabric tenting very noticeably. She licked her lips, wondering what was hiding so close, underneath those dress pants. ‘It certainly looks sizable’ she thought.
Havoc seemed to understand why she had paused, and he nodded. "If you... want to, you can," he said softly, his voice barely over a whisper. He knew that it was awkward for both of them. Neither of them were new to this, but it was different than anyone else. They were both exploring new limits- for themselves and each other.
Tentatively, her fingers brushed against the fabric, just next to the bulge. His breath hitched, and his eyes thinned for a moment. A shiver of pleasure ran up his spine. She moved to the zipper and slowly pulled it down, letting out an embarrassed giggle when she saw that he had decided to forgo the annoyance of underwear and had nothing on underneath.
His throat was dry and his cheeks flushed deep red. She reached into his pants and gently caressed the shaft with the tips of her fingers, moving from the base towards the head, which was already deepening in color with his growing arousal.
Suddenly, Jean gasped loudly, letting out a yelp of surprise. His eyes went as wide as saucers. Ross immediately pulled her hand away, deathly afraid that she had done something wrong. "What is it, Jean? What did I do?" She asked, terrified.
"I... I... I think could feel that," he said in a low, shaky voice. "I thought I felt you touch me!"