My other car's a jet.
Odd day. Odd night. Odd few days. Odd life.
I've been under some very wicked stresses lately. It's funny how your mind and body react. I couldn't really have predicted it. I've spent most of my life being the level-headed one. The laid back one. It's terrifying finding myself occasionally out of control, recently (twice in one night, even). Unable to predict or control how I'm going to feel at any given moment, or what I'm going to say. It's not normal for me. So much of my self-image is wrapped up in my control. My ability to cope, to let things slide off. I've been accused of apathy before, but I resent that. I DO care. I just think I tend to know when I can actually make a difference, or when getting worked up over something is just going to cause more harm than good. Losing that control is horrible.
I lost my cat. There are other factors that have pushed me to the brink, but y'know, I think that's what did it. And I didn't realize it until just now, as I was writing this. I was all set to chalk it up to money stress, school stress or relationship foo, but... Y'know, I think it's the cat. I'm feeling very alone without him here, curled up in my lap during the days and waiting to greet me so cheerfully and lovingly in the morning. I lashed out at someone I care for very much, and again, lost control much later in front of another close friend. I don't do that. Why did she take my cat? My baby? I miss my cat.
I needed out of my house. Out of my life for a little while today. Josh, my new roommate, is training for his commercial pilot's license, and he invited me to go up with him today for his lesson. So cool. Such a good way to goof off for an afternoon. It was such a pretty day, you could see for miles and miles, even though we only got up to about 3500 feet. We did a few approaches and landings, and just cruised around Columbus in this teeny-tiny little Piper. I even got to wear one of the little headsets and listen in on all the air-traffic chatter. But mostly, I just stared out the window and escaped for a couple of hours. I kinda feel bad, because every once in a while, my roommate or his instructor would turn back and ask me how I was doing, and I could only smile and say great. I wasn't a very lively passenger. But I had a great deal of fun all the same. The humming of the prop and the low murmur of the air traffic noise, along with the idealic day and peaceful quality of drifting through the air in such a small plane... it was oddly comforting.
I needed to escape for awhile. I needed some comforting. I want my cat back. I want my life back to normal. You can't always get what you want. But I got what I needed.
Tomorrow will be a better day. :)
I've been under some very wicked stresses lately. It's funny how your mind and body react. I couldn't really have predicted it. I've spent most of my life being the level-headed one. The laid back one. It's terrifying finding myself occasionally out of control, recently (twice in one night, even). Unable to predict or control how I'm going to feel at any given moment, or what I'm going to say. It's not normal for me. So much of my self-image is wrapped up in my control. My ability to cope, to let things slide off. I've been accused of apathy before, but I resent that. I DO care. I just think I tend to know when I can actually make a difference, or when getting worked up over something is just going to cause more harm than good. Losing that control is horrible.
I lost my cat. There are other factors that have pushed me to the brink, but y'know, I think that's what did it. And I didn't realize it until just now, as I was writing this. I was all set to chalk it up to money stress, school stress or relationship foo, but... Y'know, I think it's the cat. I'm feeling very alone without him here, curled up in my lap during the days and waiting to greet me so cheerfully and lovingly in the morning. I lashed out at someone I care for very much, and again, lost control much later in front of another close friend. I don't do that. Why did she take my cat? My baby? I miss my cat.
I needed out of my house. Out of my life for a little while today. Josh, my new roommate, is training for his commercial pilot's license, and he invited me to go up with him today for his lesson. So cool. Such a good way to goof off for an afternoon. It was such a pretty day, you could see for miles and miles, even though we only got up to about 3500 feet. We did a few approaches and landings, and just cruised around Columbus in this teeny-tiny little Piper. I even got to wear one of the little headsets and listen in on all the air-traffic chatter. But mostly, I just stared out the window and escaped for a couple of hours. I kinda feel bad, because every once in a while, my roommate or his instructor would turn back and ask me how I was doing, and I could only smile and say great. I wasn't a very lively passenger. But I had a great deal of fun all the same. The humming of the prop and the low murmur of the air traffic noise, along with the idealic day and peaceful quality of drifting through the air in such a small plane... it was oddly comforting.
I needed to escape for awhile. I needed some comforting. I want my cat back. I want my life back to normal. You can't always get what you want. But I got what I needed.
Tomorrow will be a better day. :)