Fall 06
The next 7 months are going to be rough. Probably the toughest I've come to know at this point in my life.
Reasons...
-Due to my scholastic resurgence of late, I will be getting back into college and doing it right this time. No more trying to work a million hours and take full credits, no more trying to do everything all on my own, no more maybes. Once I'm in, this time I'm staying in until I graduate. No summers off, no bullshit. But, to make this happen, I need to make some serious $$$ between now and April. My grandparents have helped me pay off some loans and now I have to pay them $982 a month until April 1st while still paying my large car and insurance payments.
-To accomplish the task listed above, I am going to have to go back to the sick work schedule (70-80 hours a week) that I had earlier this year. By doing this, I'm never going to be able to go out or see anybody so goodbye Seahawk Sunday's, goodbye concerts, goodbye friends (until next spring).
-I won't be able to take any time off work until 2007. Not even one day. That sucks. Perhaps the one ray of light I have going for me this year is knowing that I get to fly to PA and spend Thanksgiving with Juliana (courtesy of her awesome father). It scares me to think of how long it may be before I see her again after that, though I'm going to tell myself it will be Spring break. Shit, that's still sick long.
-I know this will all be worth it with an exclamation point, but until then I am going to hurt. I really can't fucking wait for the good.
One more point of concern... I stumbled across a picture that somebody had taken of Juliana doing a beer bong last weekend at a party. Considering only a couple of weeks have passed since she "had no desire to drink and hated the taste of beer" this is a little scary. I just saw the picture today and she doesn't know I've seen it yet. The other thing that's scary is that she never mentioned any of this to me. In times past she would always mention such an event, right away, and if there were ever any pictures of anything that she had, I would always be the first to see them. Now details such as these are not only taking place but being left out of conversations and the pictures posted on websites for millions to see but not me. In lieu of the events that occurred at the end of August at the Folk Fest, she tearfully promised me that she would never do anything at school to put herself into an altered state that would affect her judgment to insure that nothing like that would ever happen again. Having never drank before, I'm not sure that playing beer pong games and taking beer bongs in the same night, with basically strangers, is keeping in line with that promise. I plan to talk to her tonight about this and my stomach doesn't feel good thinking about it. Oh, and I started keeping track of another disturbing trend of late... Other than in a voicemail message, she has not said "I love you" in about two weeks. I've said it to her probably 20+ times in this span. Ouch.
And it made me kind of sick to see her pretty lips wrapped around a dirty beer bong tube and that terrible, confused look in her eyes as she winced and choked it down.
She has associated herself with shiny girls who do shiny girl things on weekends and I don't see any of this stopping, probably ever.
I get to see her in two months. Two months is a weird little time period. Depending on how you think of it and how it goes, it can be quick as a flash of lightening or painfully slow like the eve of vacations, birthdays and holidays all bunched into one. Any advice on getting by until then?
~Alan
Reasons...
-Due to my scholastic resurgence of late, I will be getting back into college and doing it right this time. No more trying to work a million hours and take full credits, no more trying to do everything all on my own, no more maybes. Once I'm in, this time I'm staying in until I graduate. No summers off, no bullshit. But, to make this happen, I need to make some serious $$$ between now and April. My grandparents have helped me pay off some loans and now I have to pay them $982 a month until April 1st while still paying my large car and insurance payments.
-To accomplish the task listed above, I am going to have to go back to the sick work schedule (70-80 hours a week) that I had earlier this year. By doing this, I'm never going to be able to go out or see anybody so goodbye Seahawk Sunday's, goodbye concerts, goodbye friends (until next spring).
-I won't be able to take any time off work until 2007. Not even one day. That sucks. Perhaps the one ray of light I have going for me this year is knowing that I get to fly to PA and spend Thanksgiving with Juliana (courtesy of her awesome father). It scares me to think of how long it may be before I see her again after that, though I'm going to tell myself it will be Spring break. Shit, that's still sick long.
-I know this will all be worth it with an exclamation point, but until then I am going to hurt. I really can't fucking wait for the good.
One more point of concern... I stumbled across a picture that somebody had taken of Juliana doing a beer bong last weekend at a party. Considering only a couple of weeks have passed since she "had no desire to drink and hated the taste of beer" this is a little scary. I just saw the picture today and she doesn't know I've seen it yet. The other thing that's scary is that she never mentioned any of this to me. In times past she would always mention such an event, right away, and if there were ever any pictures of anything that she had, I would always be the first to see them. Now details such as these are not only taking place but being left out of conversations and the pictures posted on websites for millions to see but not me. In lieu of the events that occurred at the end of August at the Folk Fest, she tearfully promised me that she would never do anything at school to put herself into an altered state that would affect her judgment to insure that nothing like that would ever happen again. Having never drank before, I'm not sure that playing beer pong games and taking beer bongs in the same night, with basically strangers, is keeping in line with that promise. I plan to talk to her tonight about this and my stomach doesn't feel good thinking about it. Oh, and I started keeping track of another disturbing trend of late... Other than in a voicemail message, she has not said "I love you" in about two weeks. I've said it to her probably 20+ times in this span. Ouch.
And it made me kind of sick to see her pretty lips wrapped around a dirty beer bong tube and that terrible, confused look in her eyes as she winced and choked it down.
She has associated herself with shiny girls who do shiny girl things on weekends and I don't see any of this stopping, probably ever.
I get to see her in two months. Two months is a weird little time period. Depending on how you think of it and how it goes, it can be quick as a flash of lightening or painfully slow like the eve of vacations, birthdays and holidays all bunched into one. Any advice on getting by until then?
~Alan