My name is John and I am the mountain goats. (on poles, each and every one of them)
What's beautiful today? I found
my wallet, it had been cleaned out
of three dollars and cleaned up in the washer
and it lay now on the pile of my
clean clothes, waiting for me to snatch it up
and scream in delight.
Two more hours of class left
(the most remarkable thing about coming home to you is the feeling of being in motion again)
and I forgot my sketchbook for the next one
I could go home; bike back
and be a little more prepared
but I could also fold up some of my charcoal paper and
just use that. Paste it in later
(paste me into your later life
so that we can
skip over this bumpy part where
you're never here
and I'm always aware
you're somewhere else
healing someone else
and traveling
and having adventures
of a highly varied sort.
yes of course I'm jealous b/c we always want what we can have
thinking we can't like smelling but not tasting. travel calories I'm hungry for?)
after today
only four more 12hr days of school left in the semester, as well as those non-days of art history where I mostly play Tetris instead of take notes.
it's rarely ever actually been 12 solid hrs of work
but its still wearing me down.
the trick is to
not pay attention to what you're doing
autopilot through most of it, except the planning part
pour yourself into the thought and that way you can unattach from the reality of
the situation
maybe?
I know if I thought about every strike of the hammer on chisel on plaster I would drive myself up a wall. specially since plaster is so brittle and unreliable (reminding me of people I know)
autopilot
works sometimes. not always. it isn't
a strategy for happiness
okay well maybe it is.
which is why it's generating unhappiness?
smile with joy because you know someone
just that well. not because they are what you want.
my nails keep peeling off in strange places because of the wheel work. I like it even though
the aesthetic result is slightly less desirable than the cause.
If I were cooler I would be spending more time in Israel than I am planning to but
I guess I'm not. Cause I'm not. Ooookay. Enough nonsense for now. Time to get back to
vital procrastination. I mean planning. I mean work.
Oops. [writing oops means the exact opposite of itself being premeditated. I guess. I need to get back into team sports. Choral singing. Anything.]
my wallet, it had been cleaned out
of three dollars and cleaned up in the washer
and it lay now on the pile of my
clean clothes, waiting for me to snatch it up
and scream in delight.
Two more hours of class left
(the most remarkable thing about coming home to you is the feeling of being in motion again)
and I forgot my sketchbook for the next one
I could go home; bike back
and be a little more prepared
but I could also fold up some of my charcoal paper and
just use that. Paste it in later
(paste me into your later life
so that we can
skip over this bumpy part where
you're never here
and I'm always aware
you're somewhere else
healing someone else
and traveling
and having adventures
of a highly varied sort.
yes of course I'm jealous b/c we always want what we can have
thinking we can't like smelling but not tasting. travel calories I'm hungry for?)
after today
only four more 12hr days of school left in the semester, as well as those non-days of art history where I mostly play Tetris instead of take notes.
it's rarely ever actually been 12 solid hrs of work
but its still wearing me down.
the trick is to
not pay attention to what you're doing
autopilot through most of it, except the planning part
pour yourself into the thought and that way you can unattach from the reality of
the situation
maybe?
I know if I thought about every strike of the hammer on chisel on plaster I would drive myself up a wall. specially since plaster is so brittle and unreliable (reminding me of people I know)
autopilot
works sometimes. not always. it isn't
a strategy for happiness
okay well maybe it is.
which is why it's generating unhappiness?
smile with joy because you know someone
just that well. not because they are what you want.
my nails keep peeling off in strange places because of the wheel work. I like it even though
the aesthetic result is slightly less desirable than the cause.
If I were cooler I would be spending more time in Israel than I am planning to but
I guess I'm not. Cause I'm not. Ooookay. Enough nonsense for now. Time to get back to
vital procrastination. I mean planning. I mean work.
Oops. [writing oops means the exact opposite of itself being premeditated. I guess. I need to get back into team sports. Choral singing. Anything.]