More and more
Yesterday I had several email exchanges with E's teacher, still more of the same. I picked him up from afterschool care and the director made a point in introducing himself and talking about how E resorts to hitting when frustrated and how they're working with that. I'm noticing this behavior more and more, if anyone encroaches into his physical space or touches him in an ambiguous way, E resorts to using his body in inappropriate ways. I saw it last night with his sister. He's turning into a boy who is more sullen than happy, more bristly than kind, more physical than not, and I am deeply unhappy.
We are most definitely pursuing the child behavior specialist's requests of providing more information. I haven't filled out the questionnaires yet as I need to be as unbiased as I can be and just report an answer to the questions without overthinking and interpreting, and right now I cannot do that. His teacher will fill them out this weekend, so I have until Monday I think to do it.
It is looking more and more like he needs some more of a drastic intervention, and I am having a lot of trouble separating ME from him in this equation. I am grieving his behavior because he is not the boy I know right now, and I just want to hold him and wipe it all away with my love, and that isn't going to work. I need to stop blaming myself for what's going on, because inherently I feel like this is my fault and like I "broke" him. Intellectually I may know that isn't true, but in my heart I am screaming that out. It's my fault. My genes. My screwed up family genes. I caused this. And now he's paying the price.
Again, I *know* in my head that is not the case, but getting my heart to understand that is proving more difficult.
We are most definitely pursuing the child behavior specialist's requests of providing more information. I haven't filled out the questionnaires yet as I need to be as unbiased as I can be and just report an answer to the questions without overthinking and interpreting, and right now I cannot do that. His teacher will fill them out this weekend, so I have until Monday I think to do it.
It is looking more and more like he needs some more of a drastic intervention, and I am having a lot of trouble separating ME from him in this equation. I am grieving his behavior because he is not the boy I know right now, and I just want to hold him and wipe it all away with my love, and that isn't going to work. I need to stop blaming myself for what's going on, because inherently I feel like this is my fault and like I "broke" him. Intellectually I may know that isn't true, but in my heart I am screaming that out. It's my fault. My genes. My screwed up family genes. I caused this. And now he's paying the price.
Again, I *know* in my head that is not the case, but getting my heart to understand that is proving more difficult.