(no subject)
I had a most interesting day yesterday. It sort of, kind of went along with the flow of my tarot reading from the other day. Yesterday I hung out with an ex lover, old friend and love. There is a lot of negative things in the memories that we have formed together, our collective history. This was the first time in about six or seven months that we have actually sat down and spent time around each other.
A bit about this person that I saw yesterday: I love him, in a sincere way, I love him. If anything were to happen to him then I would find myself hurt. Something that I am working on determining is whether or not I am in love with him. Most often than not I think no, but at times I wonder if "yes?" This is one emotion that I have channeled down to figuring out, to thoroughly understanding. I also believe this person to be the person that I could be content with for life. I see that we are so alike at times, but wildly different, like Alpha and Omega. We clash, I suppose, but we are like yin and yang, no one without the other?
I'm a person who believes in the spirit and wavelengths and such, being in tune and "plugged in" to shit. He challenged my ability to not lose at rock paper scissors and we went for about fifteen to twenty rounds picking the same thing. Stalemated, he declared a draw. He also acknowledged the fact that we did some mind-to-mind hoodoo shit.
Either way, he chilled and crashed on the couch. We had a wake and bake in the morning and then I drove him home. We talked about music and bands, the usual, but we even talked to each other about our dating situations. It was a relaxed encounter, I enjoyed it. I want most for us to be as close of friends as we were about five years ago. I could really do without a relationship, because as of today I am officially in no mode.
For a while, actually, no, for a hot second I was in girl mode. So I find myself finding this one lady attractive. Time passes, events occur, either way it's not happening and i believe myself to be perfectly fine with that. Mind you, I would be an excellent girlfriend, but eh. I declare myself officially in no mode and celibate. I want for this to last for an extremely long time to the remainder of my days, barring unforeseen life events. I think I'm finally tired of trying to satisfy my disgustingly human impulse to be loved and wanted by another human being in a romantic fashion, as if I needed them. It's tedious, but really though. I love myself better than you, and my times have been having that air around them for the majority of my days.
A bit about this person that I saw yesterday: I love him, in a sincere way, I love him. If anything were to happen to him then I would find myself hurt. Something that I am working on determining is whether or not I am in love with him. Most often than not I think no, but at times I wonder if "yes?" This is one emotion that I have channeled down to figuring out, to thoroughly understanding. I also believe this person to be the person that I could be content with for life. I see that we are so alike at times, but wildly different, like Alpha and Omega. We clash, I suppose, but we are like yin and yang, no one without the other?
I'm a person who believes in the spirit and wavelengths and such, being in tune and "plugged in" to shit. He challenged my ability to not lose at rock paper scissors and we went for about fifteen to twenty rounds picking the same thing. Stalemated, he declared a draw. He also acknowledged the fact that we did some mind-to-mind hoodoo shit.
Either way, he chilled and crashed on the couch. We had a wake and bake in the morning and then I drove him home. We talked about music and bands, the usual, but we even talked to each other about our dating situations. It was a relaxed encounter, I enjoyed it. I want most for us to be as close of friends as we were about five years ago. I could really do without a relationship, because as of today I am officially in no mode.
For a while, actually, no, for a hot second I was in girl mode. So I find myself finding this one lady attractive. Time passes, events occur, either way it's not happening and i believe myself to be perfectly fine with that. Mind you, I would be an excellent girlfriend, but eh. I declare myself officially in no mode and celibate. I want for this to last for an extremely long time to the remainder of my days, barring unforeseen life events. I think I'm finally tired of trying to satisfy my disgustingly human impulse to be loved and wanted by another human being in a romantic fashion, as if I needed them. It's tedious, but really though. I love myself better than you, and my times have been having that air around them for the majority of my days.