where have you been all my life?
i've been wondering my entire life who my mother is.
i was adopted at 9 months, and my mom was only 14 when she gave me up.
most people say that the adoptive parents are the heroes cause they saved you from the foster home and gave you a life you couldve never had. and dont get me wrong...my life has been great...but its always been what i've made it.
i have amazing friends, and an amazing family and they all have loved me unconditionally since the beginning of time, but my parents have been a different story. its been a love/ hate relationship since i was 12. i wasnt what they had dreamed of me being, and they made that known.
my dad has a huge heart, and i will always be daddys little girl to him. and i think he's really been able to make progress since i've been home with how he talks to me and how he listens to me and i've been giving him the same in return. its been good.
but my mother and i will just never get along. she's not a good person. i dont want her in my life and i dont want to speak to her or see her for not another single day after i leave to go back home.
all i've wanted my entire life has been a mother to love and to love me in return. and i have that, but not with my own mother. i have it in alyssas mom, jo's mom, caseys mom, even anthonys mom and i got along really well. i just want my mom to love me with her heart...and she doesnt do that. she doesnt do that with anyone. not my dad, not my grandparents...she does it with sachi but sachi is my dog...she's not even human (as much as i try to convince everyone otherwise sometimes). i just want a mom...and i've never had one.
i wish i could find my real mom, i wish i could just see what she looks like, or hear what she sounds like. see her so happy to meet me and see that i turned out to be a beautiful girl. i just wish i knew her and could meet her so i could tell her that she's my hero. for being so strong when she was so young. for doing the right thing. for not aborting me. i just want my mom. and my mom is not nancy jamison. thats just some lady who's house i've stayed in periodically throughout the past decade or two.
i wish that there was someone who could understand.
i was adopted at 9 months, and my mom was only 14 when she gave me up.
most people say that the adoptive parents are the heroes cause they saved you from the foster home and gave you a life you couldve never had. and dont get me wrong...my life has been great...but its always been what i've made it.
i have amazing friends, and an amazing family and they all have loved me unconditionally since the beginning of time, but my parents have been a different story. its been a love/ hate relationship since i was 12. i wasnt what they had dreamed of me being, and they made that known.
my dad has a huge heart, and i will always be daddys little girl to him. and i think he's really been able to make progress since i've been home with how he talks to me and how he listens to me and i've been giving him the same in return. its been good.
but my mother and i will just never get along. she's not a good person. i dont want her in my life and i dont want to speak to her or see her for not another single day after i leave to go back home.
all i've wanted my entire life has been a mother to love and to love me in return. and i have that, but not with my own mother. i have it in alyssas mom, jo's mom, caseys mom, even anthonys mom and i got along really well. i just want my mom to love me with her heart...and she doesnt do that. she doesnt do that with anyone. not my dad, not my grandparents...she does it with sachi but sachi is my dog...she's not even human (as much as i try to convince everyone otherwise sometimes). i just want a mom...and i've never had one.
i wish i could find my real mom, i wish i could just see what she looks like, or hear what she sounds like. see her so happy to meet me and see that i turned out to be a beautiful girl. i just wish i knew her and could meet her so i could tell her that she's my hero. for being so strong when she was so young. for doing the right thing. for not aborting me. i just want my mom. and my mom is not nancy jamison. thats just some lady who's house i've stayed in periodically throughout the past decade or two.
i wish that there was someone who could understand.