Contemplative
The days are beginning to come together - new hope, aspirations, and even a twinge of pain. My path seemingly becomes much clearer. Never easy of course, yet I believe this is part of the meaning of life.
It is truly amazing how people venture in and out of your life... how you sometimes fail to hear the tiny voice in back of your head calling you one way or another. I vow to myself to follow my intuition for rarely has it led me astray.
As I begin my reflective process, the true definition of my journey seems very clear... yet cloudy at the same time. How can this be. I am grateful for the emotional cleansing, releasing negative energy to begin afresh and anew.
I was never one who liked to fail at anything. Maybe this is the winner in me - competitive by nature at most everything. I'm not afraid to clean my house, dusting off my dreams and focusing upon how to make them reality.
I seek my happiness not in others, yet drawing deep within my conscious and subconcious mind. It becomes very easy to think about one life, directional and vision. Somehow when you try to put more than one together it becomes blurred.
I realize now my biological clock perhaps was ticking when I married. Perhaps I have always been in love with the idea of being in love.
My worst fears of marriage have surfaced... in less than a year. A person can give until they grow weary and the burden falls far too heavily upon ones shoulders. I read a great deal of John Gray yesterday - and fully accept the fact I am responsible for my gifts... and my feelings of resentment.
I think the lack of communication, my mate telling me how to think etc... really opened my eyes not only to the current argument yet enlightened me to many things I require in a marriage which I am not getting. They say everything happens for a reason... perhaps this was to give me a better understanding again of what I do not desire. Relationships are so strange.
I feel like a newly born bird with a broad wingspan... free to tweet, fly and do whatever I wish. Always being true to myself, looking out for my best interests, and enjoying myself as much as entirely possible.
I realized also while marriage does provide the security - it isn't entirely what love is all about. If I am going to be 'tied' down - I will take plenty of time making sure it is somebody who may be a bit closer to what I need. Perhaps a bit more daring - maybe a bit of dreaming, daring and not being afraid to make things happen.
The government is a very strange place. They annoy me in dealing with the everyday IRS, agencies, blah blah. I found I really felt under the gun being married to it... doing as they say -yes sir. It isn't in my nature and was a great battle for me.
Fly, be free, and have the time of your life. You only live once. I know I am completely capable of making myself happy - I do believe I've got this down to an art .
Cara - I hope we get together soon. A heart to heart would be absolutely awesome face to face. I miss my sis! Maybe I'll wind up back in Arizona... kinda really hopin I find something here though. ;-)
Thanks for listening - boy - I'd forgotten what a great release a diary can be.
It is truly amazing how people venture in and out of your life... how you sometimes fail to hear the tiny voice in back of your head calling you one way or another. I vow to myself to follow my intuition for rarely has it led me astray.
As I begin my reflective process, the true definition of my journey seems very clear... yet cloudy at the same time. How can this be. I am grateful for the emotional cleansing, releasing negative energy to begin afresh and anew.
I was never one who liked to fail at anything. Maybe this is the winner in me - competitive by nature at most everything. I'm not afraid to clean my house, dusting off my dreams and focusing upon how to make them reality.
I seek my happiness not in others, yet drawing deep within my conscious and subconcious mind. It becomes very easy to think about one life, directional and vision. Somehow when you try to put more than one together it becomes blurred.
I realize now my biological clock perhaps was ticking when I married. Perhaps I have always been in love with the idea of being in love.
My worst fears of marriage have surfaced... in less than a year. A person can give until they grow weary and the burden falls far too heavily upon ones shoulders. I read a great deal of John Gray yesterday - and fully accept the fact I am responsible for my gifts... and my feelings of resentment.
I think the lack of communication, my mate telling me how to think etc... really opened my eyes not only to the current argument yet enlightened me to many things I require in a marriage which I am not getting. They say everything happens for a reason... perhaps this was to give me a better understanding again of what I do not desire. Relationships are so strange.
I feel like a newly born bird with a broad wingspan... free to tweet, fly and do whatever I wish. Always being true to myself, looking out for my best interests, and enjoying myself as much as entirely possible.
I realized also while marriage does provide the security - it isn't entirely what love is all about. If I am going to be 'tied' down - I will take plenty of time making sure it is somebody who may be a bit closer to what I need. Perhaps a bit more daring - maybe a bit of dreaming, daring and not being afraid to make things happen.
The government is a very strange place. They annoy me in dealing with the everyday IRS, agencies, blah blah. I found I really felt under the gun being married to it... doing as they say -yes sir. It isn't in my nature and was a great battle for me.
Fly, be free, and have the time of your life. You only live once. I know I am completely capable of making myself happy - I do believe I've got this down to an art .
Cara - I hope we get together soon. A heart to heart would be absolutely awesome face to face. I miss my sis! Maybe I'll wind up back in Arizona... kinda really hopin I find something here though. ;-)
Thanks for listening - boy - I'd forgotten what a great release a diary can be.