Vacation IV
Schwulerin and I wrote a very entertaining and elaborate piece about our last full day of vacation, but I stupidly lost it all by not minimizing my active window as I clicked on my dictionary link. Our piece DISAPPEARED. I tried the Back button, only to be told LJ doesn't like a POST command when they need a GET command (or something like that), so fuck it all to hell. The shit is gone forever, I checked with my temporary internet files, unless I write an email to LJ.
It's STILL not as bad as Open Diary. At least I fucked it up.
Schwulerin is so mad at me she won't even help me recreate the post. I just spent the last hour crying and hating myself for being such a stupid fucking asshole. I still hate myself and I even slapped my face hard a few times as I screamed into my pillow in rage over my stupidity. You think I have it good - try being a merciless, perfectionist control freak like I am, and see how much fun that is. Sure, you'll make lots of money, but you'll never relax. Sucks, doesn't it?
Anyway, I'm mad at Schwulerin for hating me so much, so fuck her as I bring to you our wine country story with pictures.
Here are some FUCKING GRAPEVINES.
I had a whole long thing about Kristen Sze, a hot little SF anchorperson for the ABC affiliate who used to read the news in Philadelphia. I had a whole Kristen Sze vs. Cecily Tynan thing going on, and I lost it. Like a fucking MORON. So here is all you need to know about Kristen Sze - she narrated the tales of PANIC the SF ABC news affiliate was spinning in an attempt to sell terror to Bay Area citizens who know nothing of crime (besides Lacy Peterson's murder. Okay, maybe their cars get broken into occasionally) and who are mortally terrified of rain.
It rained in SF. Oh. My. God. It might as well have been The Apocalypse. The news spent 26 of its 27 alloted minutes detailing WEATHER HORROR STORIES. There were a few car accidents. Some downed trees. Scaffolding fell. OH NO! WHERE'S THE RED CROSS???
At any rate, we went on our Sonoma Valley wine tasting tour despite the dangerous rain. We booked a tour through Extranomical Tours, which in my earlier and now unrecoverable post included a link with its mention, but which now does not, because who really cares? Our tour cost $60. Renting a car would have cost half that, and we wouldn't have had to share the van with Canadians, a German and a Brit (who are all fine folks, but not as fine as we Americans are). There was a couple from Louieville, Kin-Tucky who wisely brought along their INFANT, in addition to Schwulerin and me and Heather the obnoxious tour guide. We had a whole long thing about Heather and how she kissed Schwulerin's and my asses because we were the only ones who bought any wine on the tour, but that's all gone now. Instead, you'll have to make do with this pissy little paragraph.
First, we went to the Palace of Fine Arts. Here's a fucking picture:
Yay.
Then we went to Muir Woods. Schwulerin and I had visited Mt. Tamaplais (or whatever it's called) in January, so we didn't care so much about how big and majestic the redwoods are. We hauled ass instead. We did two miles in thirty three minutes, which isn't bad. Sure, my knee was protesting at the end, but the rest of my body felt great.
Here are some fucking pictures. I am so mad at Schwulerin. She is being such an asshole about me losing the entry.
Yay. Great. Now if only I could turn back time, recover my entry, and not have Schwulerin ignore me all night because I lost the entry.
Such a bitch.
I hope you get FAT on the meatloaf I just made your Nazi ass. Fuck you. Let someone else bleach your fucking roots! Like you don't do incredibly stupid things ALL THE TIME. I fuck up ONCE, and it's the silent and sneery treatment all night. Nice. I need to learn how to WIFE BEAT.
Anyway, after Muir Woods, we went to three wineries. Blah blah blah. Here are some more pictures:
There's a fucking rainbow in that last picture. Yay, nature.
I don't even know what to write anymore. I'm so pissed off at Schwulerin that I can only think about everything that's WRONG in our relationship. Which isn't much, but still. I can only think about how much I truly hate other people (including her) and how happy I am that I spend so much time alone. I can only think about how grateful I am that life is short, because I hate every minute of it.
Oh, yeah, I got my period today. So did SHE. The BITCH. Here she is:
I HATE HER! She's on our couch right now picking her nose and I HATE HER!
Okay, I love her. I can't help it. I desperately love her. I'm so sad that I disappointed her by losing the entry. I wish she'd come over and give me a hug and a kiss. But she WON'T. Because she's a BITCH. And I HATE her. Because I LOVE HER.
Back to the wine tour....we bought five bottles of wine, including a $50 cabernet (15% off, though, so it was more like $42.50). Then we went home. Then we met up with Nash, who helped us drink a little wine (he doesn't like chardonnay, which sucked for him, because that's what we were serving). He very chivalrously walked us to an amazing Vietnamese restaurant called Tu Lan located on 6th and Market. He LEFT US THERE, though, to walk back to our hotel (on 8th and Market) past HOMELESS and CRAZY folk. I was SO SCARED. It was so much rougher than AC or North Philly or even Schwulerin's hometown of Camden, NJ (youse have NO IDEA how much mileage Schwulerin gets out of being from Camden. White girls don't live in Camden). Okay, I lie. It was barely like being in a city at all. I know they say SF has a bad area, and supposedly our hotel is right next to the "bad" section (the Tenderloin), but, truly, SF is Candyland.
I let Schwulerin read this, and now she REALLY hates me. I have to go make it up to her. See you!
Here is me in Sausalito, by the way, which was the last stop on the wine tour. I like this picture because I look like I have a stick up my FAT ASS. I think it's the pocketbook. Thank you, Mr. Hilfiger, for making me look so school marmish.
Good night!
DISCLAIMER: Schwulerin is not a bitch. I love her. She's my whole life. I'd be lost without her. She is beautiful and wonderful and everything good. I couldn't love another human like I love her.
It's STILL not as bad as Open Diary. At least I fucked it up.
Schwulerin is so mad at me she won't even help me recreate the post. I just spent the last hour crying and hating myself for being such a stupid fucking asshole. I still hate myself and I even slapped my face hard a few times as I screamed into my pillow in rage over my stupidity. You think I have it good - try being a merciless, perfectionist control freak like I am, and see how much fun that is. Sure, you'll make lots of money, but you'll never relax. Sucks, doesn't it?
Anyway, I'm mad at Schwulerin for hating me so much, so fuck her as I bring to you our wine country story with pictures.
Here are some FUCKING GRAPEVINES.
I had a whole long thing about Kristen Sze, a hot little SF anchorperson for the ABC affiliate who used to read the news in Philadelphia. I had a whole Kristen Sze vs. Cecily Tynan thing going on, and I lost it. Like a fucking MORON. So here is all you need to know about Kristen Sze - she narrated the tales of PANIC the SF ABC news affiliate was spinning in an attempt to sell terror to Bay Area citizens who know nothing of crime (besides Lacy Peterson's murder. Okay, maybe their cars get broken into occasionally) and who are mortally terrified of rain.
It rained in SF. Oh. My. God. It might as well have been The Apocalypse. The news spent 26 of its 27 alloted minutes detailing WEATHER HORROR STORIES. There were a few car accidents. Some downed trees. Scaffolding fell. OH NO! WHERE'S THE RED CROSS???
At any rate, we went on our Sonoma Valley wine tasting tour despite the dangerous rain. We booked a tour through Extranomical Tours, which in my earlier and now unrecoverable post included a link with its mention, but which now does not, because who really cares? Our tour cost $60. Renting a car would have cost half that, and we wouldn't have had to share the van with Canadians, a German and a Brit (who are all fine folks, but not as fine as we Americans are). There was a couple from Louieville, Kin-Tucky who wisely brought along their INFANT, in addition to Schwulerin and me and Heather the obnoxious tour guide. We had a whole long thing about Heather and how she kissed Schwulerin's and my asses because we were the only ones who bought any wine on the tour, but that's all gone now. Instead, you'll have to make do with this pissy little paragraph.
First, we went to the Palace of Fine Arts. Here's a fucking picture:
Yay.
Then we went to Muir Woods. Schwulerin and I had visited Mt. Tamaplais (or whatever it's called) in January, so we didn't care so much about how big and majestic the redwoods are. We hauled ass instead. We did two miles in thirty three minutes, which isn't bad. Sure, my knee was protesting at the end, but the rest of my body felt great.
Here are some fucking pictures. I am so mad at Schwulerin. She is being such an asshole about me losing the entry.
Yay. Great. Now if only I could turn back time, recover my entry, and not have Schwulerin ignore me all night because I lost the entry.
Such a bitch.
I hope you get FAT on the meatloaf I just made your Nazi ass. Fuck you. Let someone else bleach your fucking roots! Like you don't do incredibly stupid things ALL THE TIME. I fuck up ONCE, and it's the silent and sneery treatment all night. Nice. I need to learn how to WIFE BEAT.
Anyway, after Muir Woods, we went to three wineries. Blah blah blah. Here are some more pictures:
There's a fucking rainbow in that last picture. Yay, nature.
I don't even know what to write anymore. I'm so pissed off at Schwulerin that I can only think about everything that's WRONG in our relationship. Which isn't much, but still. I can only think about how much I truly hate other people (including her) and how happy I am that I spend so much time alone. I can only think about how grateful I am that life is short, because I hate every minute of it.
Oh, yeah, I got my period today. So did SHE. The BITCH. Here she is:
I HATE HER! She's on our couch right now picking her nose and I HATE HER!
Okay, I love her. I can't help it. I desperately love her. I'm so sad that I disappointed her by losing the entry. I wish she'd come over and give me a hug and a kiss. But she WON'T. Because she's a BITCH. And I HATE her. Because I LOVE HER.
Back to the wine tour....we bought five bottles of wine, including a $50 cabernet (15% off, though, so it was more like $42.50). Then we went home. Then we met up with Nash, who helped us drink a little wine (he doesn't like chardonnay, which sucked for him, because that's what we were serving). He very chivalrously walked us to an amazing Vietnamese restaurant called Tu Lan located on 6th and Market. He LEFT US THERE, though, to walk back to our hotel (on 8th and Market) past HOMELESS and CRAZY folk. I was SO SCARED. It was so much rougher than AC or North Philly or even Schwulerin's hometown of Camden, NJ (youse have NO IDEA how much mileage Schwulerin gets out of being from Camden. White girls don't live in Camden). Okay, I lie. It was barely like being in a city at all. I know they say SF has a bad area, and supposedly our hotel is right next to the "bad" section (the Tenderloin), but, truly, SF is Candyland.
I let Schwulerin read this, and now she REALLY hates me. I have to go make it up to her. See you!
Here is me in Sausalito, by the way, which was the last stop on the wine tour. I like this picture because I look like I have a stick up my FAT ASS. I think it's the pocketbook. Thank you, Mr. Hilfiger, for making me look so school marmish.
Good night!
DISCLAIMER: Schwulerin is not a bitch. I love her. She's my whole life. I'd be lost without her. She is beautiful and wonderful and everything good. I couldn't love another human like I love her.