LEHRAN REVEALS ALL: HE DID IT "FOR THE LULZ"
LEHRAN REVEALS ALL: HE DID IT "FOR THE LULZ"
LEHRAN REVEALS ALL: HE DID IT "FOR THE LULZ"
"Lehran is quoted, in his own words, that he started the inter-continental war "for the lulz".
The well known-heron held an exclusive press conference today where he revealed facts previously only known to few. The conversation that transpired between this reporter and the heron will be shocking to many of you.
To quote, "I wasn't really that pissed when Serenes forest burned to the ground. In fact, I was glad that the competion for the year's beauty pageant was down."
He continued, "Life gets pretty boring after eight hundred years, you know. I needed some excitement. At first it was only going to be the Ashnard thing, but I wanted to see how far I could take it and have no one notice what I was doing.
"In fact, I'm suprised no one did. I mean, my reasoning was pretty bullshit - and yet everyone fell for it! Everyone knows wars are bad because they kill people. What's the point starting a war to kill people, to stop wars then?"
This reporter could couldn't help but intervene. "But don't you think this kind of action is taking it too far?"
"Hardly," He replied simply, "You can never go too far for the lulz."
"But what about all your loved ones that were sacrificed?"
"What loved ones?" Lehran looked confused for a moment. "Oh! You mean Sanaki and Zelgius.
"Zelgius was in on [the plan] for the lulz too. He knew what sacrifices needed to be made. As for Sanaki, obviously everything worked out for her, as she's empress of Begnion now - she is a real lulz killer."
He looked thoughtful for the moment. "Actually, Ike, Micaiah, and the rest of them are huge lulz killers too. Yune, the biggest lulz killer of them all, fed them some story about the end of the world - she pretended that Tellius was Serious Business. We all know it isn't.
"Yune was just mad because she was a real lulz cow back in the day. Ashera and I knew lulz like nobody's business. The way we goaded her into making that tidal wave was one of our most successful plans. We got big lulz from that, let me tell you."
"So the Great War was 'for the lulz', too?"
"Obviously! It was the lulziest time we had. Now everyone thinks it was serious business. Though, don't get me wrong, lulz IS serious business. I just wanted to recreate that feeling. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to powder my nose."
He left with that, disappearing from the grove, seemingly unaware of (or perhaps nonchalant about) the gravity of the secrets he had just revealed so casually. At least, this reporter will be the first to know of the true motivations behind the events which have transpired in the recent and not-so-recent past. You, dear reader, will be the second.
Also, make sure you pick up a copy of our next issue for "The Great Hero Ike's Secret Affair: The Side The World Never Knew!" Farewell, readers!
LEHRAN REVEALS ALL: HE DID IT "FOR THE LULZ"
"Lehran is quoted, in his own words, that he started the inter-continental war "for the lulz".
The well known-heron held an exclusive press conference today where he revealed facts previously only known to few. The conversation that transpired between this reporter and the heron will be shocking to many of you.
To quote, "I wasn't really that pissed when Serenes forest burned to the ground. In fact, I was glad that the competion for the year's beauty pageant was down."
He continued, "Life gets pretty boring after eight hundred years, you know. I needed some excitement. At first it was only going to be the Ashnard thing, but I wanted to see how far I could take it and have no one notice what I was doing.
"In fact, I'm suprised no one did. I mean, my reasoning was pretty bullshit - and yet everyone fell for it! Everyone knows wars are bad because they kill people. What's the point starting a war to kill people, to stop wars then?"
This reporter could couldn't help but intervene. "But don't you think this kind of action is taking it too far?"
"Hardly," He replied simply, "You can never go too far for the lulz."
"But what about all your loved ones that were sacrificed?"
"What loved ones?" Lehran looked confused for a moment. "Oh! You mean Sanaki and Zelgius.
"Zelgius was in on [the plan] for the lulz too. He knew what sacrifices needed to be made. As for Sanaki, obviously everything worked out for her, as she's empress of Begnion now - she is a real lulz killer."
He looked thoughtful for the moment. "Actually, Ike, Micaiah, and the rest of them are huge lulz killers too. Yune, the biggest lulz killer of them all, fed them some story about the end of the world - she pretended that Tellius was Serious Business. We all know it isn't.
"Yune was just mad because she was a real lulz cow back in the day. Ashera and I knew lulz like nobody's business. The way we goaded her into making that tidal wave was one of our most successful plans. We got big lulz from that, let me tell you."
"So the Great War was 'for the lulz', too?"
"Obviously! It was the lulziest time we had. Now everyone thinks it was serious business. Though, don't get me wrong, lulz IS serious business. I just wanted to recreate that feeling. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to powder my nose."
He left with that, disappearing from the grove, seemingly unaware of (or perhaps nonchalant about) the gravity of the secrets he had just revealed so casually. At least, this reporter will be the first to know of the true motivations behind the events which have transpired in the recent and not-so-recent past. You, dear reader, will be the second.
Also, make sure you pick up a copy of our next issue for "The Great Hero Ike's Secret Affair: The Side The World Never Knew!" Farewell, readers!