Semper Fidelis
"Well Auntie Maguire, I am eagerly awaiting the establishment and future development of killing skills which will enable me to, confidently, and with as little ammunition expenditure as possible - annhialate my enemy"
This will be my new mantra, my stock response of chocie to the absurdly rhetorical questions posed by so many peace-loving youngsters and watchful relatives. Hollow and closed off to realities are their small ignoble chickenshit minds.
I have toyed with the possibility of equipping my ID with a similar footnote, a post-it-note' stuck inside the photo of my passport assuring the bar tender that: not only am I aware that I look 12 but that -more significantly- in the not-too-distant future this genetic anti-ageing characteristic will become an attractive asset which YOU CLEARLY don't have. I toyed with it, but decided not to deploy, having fallen victim to many 'smart arse' customers myself and sensing their fake ease as their jibes and asides are met with stone cold indifference.
I am not happy at the moment, and why should I be? There is NO full time work, there is very little money, there is no achievement or self-fulfilment, there WAS an idea of a relationship -which I intended on mending over these autumnal months- but this possibility became sandwiched and forgotten between the pages of my life like so many runaway crumbs and cereal flakes that one finds preserved in the spine or congealed to the leaves of library books.
I am, at present somewhat lost in a void. I would be lying if I were to say that university and perhaps an English course haven't crossed my mind from time to time. It has, these thoughts are expelled with the same vigour and speed as they entered. Because fodder doesn't have a voice. And The most troubling aspect of these logic attacks -the very appeal of university- is that for me university life is easily the less painful, more jovial and enriching experience. But this 'gets my hackles up', I 'dig my heels in' and will not allow such logic to penetrate. So am I a sadomasochist? why do I fight it, why the pain of runs, the blisters, the lenghts in the pool, the pissing bike-riding, the boredom of weights, the monotony of Loughton gym and its sterile vacousness, WHY
I am not prepared to admit defeat to a mental attack of common sense.
I am only too aware of the absurdity of my resistance. I have even spent time atempting to justify my decision to myself in so many ways. Though the argument normally centres around the well established principles of pride in physical achievement that the Marine Corps offers and of course, the notion of experiencing something -'different'
I am, and have been spirit crushingly, honest and subsequenlty self abusive her. I've laid it out 'how it is' and always will be.
I am awaiting the answer to a question not yet asked.
Which route would have been best?
You see...the REAL agony of the officer selection process for both the British Army and the Royal Marines, is that as a result of its protracted & exhaustive system, I am left with time in which to question my own commitment and motivation for joining.
And THIS is dangerous because it is a loophole for logic and common sense to take advantage of.
This will be my new mantra, my stock response of chocie to the absurdly rhetorical questions posed by so many peace-loving youngsters and watchful relatives. Hollow and closed off to realities are their small ignoble chickenshit minds.
I have toyed with the possibility of equipping my ID with a similar footnote, a post-it-note' stuck inside the photo of my passport assuring the bar tender that: not only am I aware that I look 12 but that -more significantly- in the not-too-distant future this genetic anti-ageing characteristic will become an attractive asset which YOU CLEARLY don't have. I toyed with it, but decided not to deploy, having fallen victim to many 'smart arse' customers myself and sensing their fake ease as their jibes and asides are met with stone cold indifference.
I am not happy at the moment, and why should I be? There is NO full time work, there is very little money, there is no achievement or self-fulfilment, there WAS an idea of a relationship -which I intended on mending over these autumnal months- but this possibility became sandwiched and forgotten between the pages of my life like so many runaway crumbs and cereal flakes that one finds preserved in the spine or congealed to the leaves of library books.
I am, at present somewhat lost in a void. I would be lying if I were to say that university and perhaps an English course haven't crossed my mind from time to time. It has, these thoughts are expelled with the same vigour and speed as they entered. Because fodder doesn't have a voice. And The most troubling aspect of these logic attacks -the very appeal of university- is that for me university life is easily the less painful, more jovial and enriching experience. But this 'gets my hackles up', I 'dig my heels in' and will not allow such logic to penetrate. So am I a sadomasochist? why do I fight it, why the pain of runs, the blisters, the lenghts in the pool, the pissing bike-riding, the boredom of weights, the monotony of Loughton gym and its sterile vacousness, WHY
I am not prepared to admit defeat to a mental attack of common sense.
I am only too aware of the absurdity of my resistance. I have even spent time atempting to justify my decision to myself in so many ways. Though the argument normally centres around the well established principles of pride in physical achievement that the Marine Corps offers and of course, the notion of experiencing something -'different'
I am, and have been spirit crushingly, honest and subsequenlty self abusive her. I've laid it out 'how it is' and always will be.
I am awaiting the answer to a question not yet asked.
Which route would have been best?
You see...the REAL agony of the officer selection process for both the British Army and the Royal Marines, is that as a result of its protracted & exhaustive system, I am left with time in which to question my own commitment and motivation for joining.
And THIS is dangerous because it is a loophole for logic and common sense to take advantage of.