Actual nonPlay - My gaming funk
I’ve been in a gaming funk for a while. Specifically, since GenCon. It’s taken me a long time to admit it to myself, let alone to the public, but I (for the first time in my life) got burnt out on gaming. I’m still not exactly sure why. Too much in the 2009 con season? Disappointment with my inability to break into the industry? Feeling like I was part of something bigger than me for four days and then leaving it to go home? These all resonate with me and like most things in life the answer probably isn’t as simple as just “this happened, so I burned out.”
Regardless of the cause my burn out had some peculiar and unexpected symptoms. First off, since I didn’t admit it was happening, it made it hard for other people to know what was going on with me, and that stirred up some additional frustration. I started retreating from all things creative and interactive. Podcasting went down the drain (and still is having trouble recovering), my internet presence withered and died, and I spent less time hanging out with friends. My GMing, when I was running games, took a sharp turn for the railroad. I wanted to make sure my stories were “good” and started crafting them before they hit the table. This left little room for the players to decide much of anything. When they fell “out of line” I contrived story elements to bring them back in the fold. Essentially I took the fun out of being a player and turned it into a dice rolling exercise to feed the GM’s ego. In short, I became the kind of GM that I HATE. What I did fill my time up with was WoW and the Intertubes. Between Hulu.com and the impossible goal of being the best geared tank I could be in WoW, many hours that might have been spend doing something creative were instead used to catch up on The Office, 24, and Cooking quests! I say used, not wasted, because all of those things are important to me too, I don’t regret them, I just regret my reasons for choosing them over gaming.
Happily though, with only a couple weeks before my DDC game I started pulling out of this rut. I want to thank Travis (buffaloraven ) in particular for helping me. Talking to him about it and about what I DO like in games has started turning things around for me. I looked at my previous notes for this game from when I play-tested it back in November ( http://seannittner.livejournal.com/90148.html) and it read like this: Scene 1, in which this happens, Scene 2, then that happens, Scene 3, in which the players will stroke my throbbing ego, etc. So, I tore it apart. Some parts (like creating superstations and making the boat) were still golden but the rest, basically the entire story, I tossed out the window. Introducing a new mini game where I set the parameters and the players get to run free inside the sandbox I made. So, so, so much better. I could go on about my S7S game, and I will (in another post), but here I just wanted to get it out there what was going on with me. Partially as a heads up to people I may not have talked to and partially as a historical artifact so I can look back and reflect on this (for good or ill) in the future.
DDC in two days. Battle on heroes, battle on.
Regardless of the cause my burn out had some peculiar and unexpected symptoms. First off, since I didn’t admit it was happening, it made it hard for other people to know what was going on with me, and that stirred up some additional frustration. I started retreating from all things creative and interactive. Podcasting went down the drain (and still is having trouble recovering), my internet presence withered and died, and I spent less time hanging out with friends. My GMing, when I was running games, took a sharp turn for the railroad. I wanted to make sure my stories were “good” and started crafting them before they hit the table. This left little room for the players to decide much of anything. When they fell “out of line” I contrived story elements to bring them back in the fold. Essentially I took the fun out of being a player and turned it into a dice rolling exercise to feed the GM’s ego. In short, I became the kind of GM that I HATE. What I did fill my time up with was WoW and the Intertubes. Between Hulu.com and the impossible goal of being the best geared tank I could be in WoW, many hours that might have been spend doing something creative were instead used to catch up on The Office, 24, and Cooking quests! I say used, not wasted, because all of those things are important to me too, I don’t regret them, I just regret my reasons for choosing them over gaming.
Happily though, with only a couple weeks before my DDC game I started pulling out of this rut. I want to thank Travis (buffaloraven ) in particular for helping me. Talking to him about it and about what I DO like in games has started turning things around for me. I looked at my previous notes for this game from when I play-tested it back in November ( http://seannittner.livejournal.com/90148.html) and it read like this: Scene 1, in which this happens, Scene 2, then that happens, Scene 3, in which the players will stroke my throbbing ego, etc. So, I tore it apart. Some parts (like creating superstations and making the boat) were still golden but the rest, basically the entire story, I tossed out the window. Introducing a new mini game where I set the parameters and the players get to run free inside the sandbox I made. So, so, so much better. I could go on about my S7S game, and I will (in another post), but here I just wanted to get it out there what was going on with me. Partially as a heads up to people I may not have talked to and partially as a historical artifact so I can look back and reflect on this (for good or ill) in the future.
DDC in two days. Battle on heroes, battle on.