yayy 2008!

[seannabawna]

this boy is driving me nuts! buttering me up with text messages that have more lines than whitney houston's coffee table and then burning me in the oven every time we make plans. i'm half tempted to delete his number from my phone so i can't crack and text him first....but i like to think i have enough self control and more importantly respect for myself to make him have to make an effort first. it just sucks....he's the first guy i've actually softened up a bit with and put myself out there for...every other guy i act the usual sarcastic, slightly cold seanna and the first time they fuck up...the last time they hear from me. With Randy however I go out of my way to let him know I like him back and I've given him several chances even though he's the king of flaking out on our plans. I get that he works a lot, I get that I work a lot...but it's not even that he keeps bailing on plans...it's that he doesn't call or EVEN text to cancel. I just don't hear from him for hours...and when I text or call him I get no answer. NO ANSWER. NO ANSWER. that drives me up the wall. sitting at home staring at my phone or obsessively checking to see if he is online is not my idea of a good time. He bailed on lasalette, the night before i went to GA, the night i came back, and I'm sure there's another one that i'm not remembering. okay maybe i'm just booty. thats fine. i could handle that. but dont butter me up with promises when I'm not asking for them and go out of  your way to make plans with me if your just gonna be a douchebag. its like he sets me up to fall. is this what guys are really like? he's the first guy that i've let get to me like this...is that taking a chance on something that might be really good someday or losing respect for myself???? my mom says to drop him. that if im letting him get away with this shit cause i like him its even worse cause he's just gonna really break my heart in the end. i can't figure out if i really like him a lot and thats why i put up with it or if im just forcing myself to be someone im not...then i ask maybe cause im trying to be soft that im screwing myself cause he might think im not acting like me and therefore not be as interested as when we first started flirting and i was just cool sarcasm queen. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO DO!! and im not saying that im acting like a completely different person....but instead of mocking compliments i say thanks, compliment him back etc. where before i'd just brush them off and make a sarcastic remark.  this putting myself out there stuff SUCKS. i really like him though. we have the same sense of humor, he's wicked cute, and besides this one thing he's an amazingly nice guy. i get along with all his friends. we have BOMB sex. and its not like im a secret and maybe he doesnt want to go out in public or something...he compliments me openly at work in front of his friends. i could literally over analyze this situation for pages....it just blows that no matter how i look at it.......I still like him and I still have no answer to what's happening and what I should do. FUCK.

besides all that jazz my life couldn't be better! haha