(no subject)
Its very upsetting. For some reason, even though I've had my LJ account for about 4 years now. I CANNOT change those stupid nifty comment things..... I want mine to say something neat but AAPPPPPPARRENTLY i ahvent had my journal long enough for these fuckers...
I was looking back in my entries and i REALLY like what i wrote here.
"Lotta things havent been going my way lately... i realize im singing the same tune as before... i just i swear one of these days ill die of a heartattack if things go the way i really want them to... just gotta keep hoping for the next day... or praying it doesnt come.. hehe which leads me into mortality..
What exactly is mortality.. what happens after our meat corpses die... the spark that is our eternal life giver will go out? disperse? ascend? get stronger? inhabit a new body? Will you suddenly gain eternal knowledge and step back in line to jump down to this shithole called earth and be born again to be a child of the next generation. I get so curious sometimes.. -_- just wanna know real bad.. it sometimes inhabits my thoughts more often then something positive.. like.. hey such and such really seemed to care about today.. or whatever.. same thing with a black hole.. i'd be the first in line sucker.. too bad there isnt a line for death.. it almost seems pointless to get in line for such a futile effort that wastes a good pile of meat... not worth it...
hmm anything else.. welp.. not really.. Hey.. wait here is a question.. Why in the hell.... just bear with me... WHY the fuck.. is someone like myself.. ALWAYS volunteered to handle disputes in relationships and my opinion always asked about it.. If experiences matter so much? Ive never been in one.. so how does that make anyone think that i am qualified to know wtf is going on with theirs? Oh and i found my problem.. (while were on the topic of relationships) and its kind of an unsolvable problem in my current state... I am not eligible for any girl.. because (remember this is just theory) I am 1: too nice... Women just dont like nice guys.. its a proven fact... 2: im already their friend.. (i straight fucked up in the beginning with everyone.. ) I either chose right away to be a friend with them and then developed something later.. OR i was put unwillingly into the friend category and now im fucked and stuck in this god forsaken category with no doors... and finally 3: Ive been too damaged to think its worth it and to take chances anymore.. so... even if there was a bridge between friend and boyfriend.. i suddenly develope a fear of heights when i come to it.. "
Its not entirely true anymore, but I still agree mostly with what i said in this one. Its from around.......uh....awhile ago.
Anyway. Im just chilling. I typed this like.. 2 days ago... it sucks...
UPDATES!!
I dropped my cellphone in a creek *ploop* GONE! DEADED!! NO MORE CELL PHONE! til wednesday and then I get a newer one "YUS!!" Very same day I found out someone style a fucking tire from my car! "WHO DOES THAT!!!" They jacked it up and stole it and replaced it with a spare. I have some bad luck, but I dont give a hoot. Fuck it. IM me sometime Im bored with life I wanna talk to someone....
I was looking back in my entries and i REALLY like what i wrote here.
"Lotta things havent been going my way lately... i realize im singing the same tune as before... i just i swear one of these days ill die of a heartattack if things go the way i really want them to... just gotta keep hoping for the next day... or praying it doesnt come.. hehe which leads me into mortality..
What exactly is mortality.. what happens after our meat corpses die... the spark that is our eternal life giver will go out? disperse? ascend? get stronger? inhabit a new body? Will you suddenly gain eternal knowledge and step back in line to jump down to this shithole called earth and be born again to be a child of the next generation. I get so curious sometimes.. -_- just wanna know real bad.. it sometimes inhabits my thoughts more often then something positive.. like.. hey such and such really seemed to care about today.. or whatever.. same thing with a black hole.. i'd be the first in line sucker.. too bad there isnt a line for death.. it almost seems pointless to get in line for such a futile effort that wastes a good pile of meat... not worth it...
hmm anything else.. welp.. not really.. Hey.. wait here is a question.. Why in the hell.... just bear with me... WHY the fuck.. is someone like myself.. ALWAYS volunteered to handle disputes in relationships and my opinion always asked about it.. If experiences matter so much? Ive never been in one.. so how does that make anyone think that i am qualified to know wtf is going on with theirs? Oh and i found my problem.. (while were on the topic of relationships) and its kind of an unsolvable problem in my current state... I am not eligible for any girl.. because (remember this is just theory) I am 1: too nice... Women just dont like nice guys.. its a proven fact... 2: im already their friend.. (i straight fucked up in the beginning with everyone.. ) I either chose right away to be a friend with them and then developed something later.. OR i was put unwillingly into the friend category and now im fucked and stuck in this god forsaken category with no doors... and finally 3: Ive been too damaged to think its worth it and to take chances anymore.. so... even if there was a bridge between friend and boyfriend.. i suddenly develope a fear of heights when i come to it.. "
Its not entirely true anymore, but I still agree mostly with what i said in this one. Its from around.......uh....awhile ago.
Anyway. Im just chilling. I typed this like.. 2 days ago... it sucks...
UPDATES!!
I dropped my cellphone in a creek *ploop* GONE! DEADED!! NO MORE CELL PHONE! til wednesday and then I get a newer one "YUS!!" Very same day I found out someone style a fucking tire from my car! "WHO DOES THAT!!!" They jacked it up and stole it and replaced it with a spare. I have some bad luck, but I dont give a hoot. Fuck it. IM me sometime Im bored with life I wanna talk to someone....