loneliness
im sad tonight, im lonely, im depressed, and im hurt, its 4th of july weekend, and everyone has somewhere to go and someone to be with, not me, im fated to sit here just like i am now, probably in the same clothes, wishing i was somewhere else, that has become the story of my life, all i do now is work, pay bills, fuck up, owe more money, and work some more, i hate not being at work, its the worst feeling in the world to be sitting here all alone, with nowhere to go, and no one to be with. the whole worlds a party and i guess im just not invited. its like when you think your cool, and youre getting along with everyone, your sitting at the table with them, and they all make plans to do stuff later, they all take shots with eachother, they all laugh, and smile, and then you realize your just taking up space at that table as a meaningless waste of space. oh, and as of tommorow, i will have officially quit smoking once and for all, just another accomplishment that i can celebrate and enjoy completely alone. i swear that sometimes i hate myself, and the only thing that gets me through is knowing that i hate everything and everyone else so much more. and its kinda like i have something to prove to everyone i hate, everyone that laughs at me, everyone that teases me, everyone that pushes me, everyone that hates me, judges me, misunderstands me, they are all part of the reason i have yet to just give up on myself, proving them wrong, and love for my family, and basically cos im not lame enough to do something stupid like hurting myself, dont worry, ill be just fine, i fuckin promise