Searching For Anything
I've spent today pondering thoughts of inspiration and just what it is that motivates each one of us to do what we do, and be who we are. Do we ever really have a grasp, an understanding of ourselves and what we've become? If not, is it really so bad to spend our lives immersed within the act of trying to find ourselves, rather than worrying about what we'll do or who we'll be when we get there? We spend our lives trying to make sense of our decisions made along the way... why we've made the mistakes we have, what brought us to this love and in a single moment... just what brought us to this pain, distance, and separation. I've spent much of the last few years telling myself to regret nothing as long as I've learned from it... truth is, to regret is as human as to love. It's funny that all those times I pushed away regret in the pursuit of knowledge and growth, I didn't learn a damn thing. Of course I regret every single time I even made someone cry or simply made them angry with me... the question is, am I a better person now than i was then?
Maybe it's not a question of better or worse... maybe just... different. Maybe there are traits within each of us that unknowingly push us to gravitate to or away from others and maybe that's something that we just can't change. Maybe self willing (though not entirely malicious) sabotage is your body's way of telling you, "Pssst... Hey you, this just isn't right."
How many times have you said, "I love you..."? Think back, truly ask yourself. Now let me ask you, let me ask all of us... how many of those times do we feel as though we truly meant it? Maybe we're all just looking too hard... and maybe there's nothing wrong with that. It's part of the human condition, no one wants to live these days alone. Take a walk outside, watch the happy couples and smile wondering whether or not they're truly happy, or simply found a way not to be alone. Love is open and creative... and I believe we're all lacking a little creativity these days. I find myself trying so hard to be portrayed in just the right light hoping that if I try hard enough, someone might notice. I don't mean to do it... I just do, and I ask myself if I'm the only one? I can only assume that I'm not... and again, take a walk outside... look around and smile when you realize how silly we are. You're not the only one... we're all spinning and dreaming and hoping for an understanding that we'll never find.
But you know what, sometimes you can see it... if the light hits it just right... in a smile, a laugh, a touch. It is for those moments that we live, and for those moments that any one of us would die.
Maybe it's not a question of better or worse... maybe just... different. Maybe there are traits within each of us that unknowingly push us to gravitate to or away from others and maybe that's something that we just can't change. Maybe self willing (though not entirely malicious) sabotage is your body's way of telling you, "Pssst... Hey you, this just isn't right."
How many times have you said, "I love you..."? Think back, truly ask yourself. Now let me ask you, let me ask all of us... how many of those times do we feel as though we truly meant it? Maybe we're all just looking too hard... and maybe there's nothing wrong with that. It's part of the human condition, no one wants to live these days alone. Take a walk outside, watch the happy couples and smile wondering whether or not they're truly happy, or simply found a way not to be alone. Love is open and creative... and I believe we're all lacking a little creativity these days. I find myself trying so hard to be portrayed in just the right light hoping that if I try hard enough, someone might notice. I don't mean to do it... I just do, and I ask myself if I'm the only one? I can only assume that I'm not... and again, take a walk outside... look around and smile when you realize how silly we are. You're not the only one... we're all spinning and dreaming and hoping for an understanding that we'll never find.
But you know what, sometimes you can see it... if the light hits it just right... in a smile, a laugh, a touch. It is for those moments that we live, and for those moments that any one of us would die.