8-9-09
4:04 AM.
The nights are getting longer. The days are getting shorter.
Listening to Vangelis -La-Petite-Fille-De-La-Mer
Very serene. Puts my troubled mind at ease.
Worried about the future, fretting over the past. Why can't I just let things go? Why do they linger like a bad cold? Some days things are getting better, while others seem like I slip right back in that deep hole.
Orientation is tuesday. I'm nervous. Not so much about starting school, or being around strangers, but rather, the change it's going to have on my life. I don't like change, it's difficult. But perhaps that is why I am where I am at now. I have forced changed in myself the past few months. Some in vain. While I work on myself, and the way I interact with others, I will also work on my life. School is the first step.
I want to travel, and at this moment in time I'm almost willing to do it on my own.
I've been neglecting my friendship with Naples. He's tried to contact me and I've made no effort to contact him back. I think I will try tomorrow.
Missed another opportunity to hang out with Kira, because my alarm didn't go off.
Brandon and I drove to Delray beach the other night to go to Sonic at 2 am. I didn't get home til 4:30. It was a nice drive. We didn't talk much, but that was okay. The windows were down, and the wind felt nice on my face and through my hair. He's been less in his shell lately. He's been pushing for more hangouts, which is nice after knowing him for so many years and him being so sheltered. Good for him.
Emily and I hung out thursday. We went to the beach for a little and decided to go to miami seaquarium, but found out it wasn't open very late, and it would be about $80 between the two of us. We might go next week. We'll see. Hoping to see her again, but she doesn't answer texts. I asked her if I could get my zune tomorrow and she never responded.
Jesse showed me how to make his drink "The Green Goblin." We had some last night, along with a shot of Jeiger. Came home from work and wanted to make another green goblin, but we ran out of vodka. Looks like I'll have to pick some up sometime. We watched Clerks 2 tonight. Good times. I think our friendship is growing more and more each day. Maybe it has to do with the fact that we're both kinda going through the same thing. Bonding through a common hardship. We're both dealing with it in really different ways, though. But I guess at the same time we're both attempting to do different things. He's a great guy, and I'm glad we got to this point in our lives together. He's becoming one of the best friends I've ever had. While it seems like everyone else drifts further from me, he is the only one who has done the opposite.
No homo.
The song has played 4 times in the background. I could listen to this for hours. Puts me in the mood to walk on the beach at night, looking at the sky, at the ocean, the horizon. I can't wait for another long-term serious relationship. I hope the next time around we can move in together. I'm at that point in my life.
Work was okay tonight. Pulled some strings, and was an S.A. in the first cut section. Made 81 bucks, and didn't have any sidework. I have 3 days off this week. The other 4 days are all 5 o'clock shifts. Hooray. I have tuesday, wed, and thur off. Wonder what I'll do. Haha, at this point all I want to do is sit around and drink more green goblins.
Still haven't made an appointment for the doctor. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I don't want to wait until it's too late. Maybe tomorrow afternoon I'll make the call. I've been putting it off for long enough.
It's 4:31. Maybe I should stop ranting about every boring detail in my day and attempt to get some sleep. 15 seconds left on the 5th play of the song...
Okay time for bed.
Wait one more time. So nice.
Have you ever felt like everything in this world is fake? Like it's not really happening? Like you're living in a citcom that is stuck on repeat? Or a really boring movie. That's how I feel. I'm so disconnected from the world. Everything is passing me by, and my body is just along for the ride. I think all the events that have led to this point affected me more than they should have. Is my mind so dependent on the small things most people either take for granted or have no desire for?
Sawgrass mall just popped into my mind. I only have a few memories of times I took for granted.
Okay, play number 6 just ended. Now it's really time to get going. It's 4:37. I'm not even tired...
The nights are getting longer. The days are getting shorter.
Listening to Vangelis -La-Petite-Fille-De-La-Mer
Very serene. Puts my troubled mind at ease.
Worried about the future, fretting over the past. Why can't I just let things go? Why do they linger like a bad cold? Some days things are getting better, while others seem like I slip right back in that deep hole.
Orientation is tuesday. I'm nervous. Not so much about starting school, or being around strangers, but rather, the change it's going to have on my life. I don't like change, it's difficult. But perhaps that is why I am where I am at now. I have forced changed in myself the past few months. Some in vain. While I work on myself, and the way I interact with others, I will also work on my life. School is the first step.
I want to travel, and at this moment in time I'm almost willing to do it on my own.
I've been neglecting my friendship with Naples. He's tried to contact me and I've made no effort to contact him back. I think I will try tomorrow.
Missed another opportunity to hang out with Kira, because my alarm didn't go off.
Brandon and I drove to Delray beach the other night to go to Sonic at 2 am. I didn't get home til 4:30. It was a nice drive. We didn't talk much, but that was okay. The windows were down, and the wind felt nice on my face and through my hair. He's been less in his shell lately. He's been pushing for more hangouts, which is nice after knowing him for so many years and him being so sheltered. Good for him.
Emily and I hung out thursday. We went to the beach for a little and decided to go to miami seaquarium, but found out it wasn't open very late, and it would be about $80 between the two of us. We might go next week. We'll see. Hoping to see her again, but she doesn't answer texts. I asked her if I could get my zune tomorrow and she never responded.
Jesse showed me how to make his drink "The Green Goblin." We had some last night, along with a shot of Jeiger. Came home from work and wanted to make another green goblin, but we ran out of vodka. Looks like I'll have to pick some up sometime. We watched Clerks 2 tonight. Good times. I think our friendship is growing more and more each day. Maybe it has to do with the fact that we're both kinda going through the same thing. Bonding through a common hardship. We're both dealing with it in really different ways, though. But I guess at the same time we're both attempting to do different things. He's a great guy, and I'm glad we got to this point in our lives together. He's becoming one of the best friends I've ever had. While it seems like everyone else drifts further from me, he is the only one who has done the opposite.
No homo.
The song has played 4 times in the background. I could listen to this for hours. Puts me in the mood to walk on the beach at night, looking at the sky, at the ocean, the horizon. I can't wait for another long-term serious relationship. I hope the next time around we can move in together. I'm at that point in my life.
Work was okay tonight. Pulled some strings, and was an S.A. in the first cut section. Made 81 bucks, and didn't have any sidework. I have 3 days off this week. The other 4 days are all 5 o'clock shifts. Hooray. I have tuesday, wed, and thur off. Wonder what I'll do. Haha, at this point all I want to do is sit around and drink more green goblins.
Still haven't made an appointment for the doctor. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I don't want to wait until it's too late. Maybe tomorrow afternoon I'll make the call. I've been putting it off for long enough.
It's 4:31. Maybe I should stop ranting about every boring detail in my day and attempt to get some sleep. 15 seconds left on the 5th play of the song...
Okay time for bed.
Wait one more time. So nice.
Have you ever felt like everything in this world is fake? Like it's not really happening? Like you're living in a citcom that is stuck on repeat? Or a really boring movie. That's how I feel. I'm so disconnected from the world. Everything is passing me by, and my body is just along for the ride. I think all the events that have led to this point affected me more than they should have. Is my mind so dependent on the small things most people either take for granted or have no desire for?
Sawgrass mall just popped into my mind. I only have a few memories of times I took for granted.
Okay, play number 6 just ended. Now it's really time to get going. It's 4:37. I'm not even tired...