Interesting thought

[seanbug]

it may have been easier to be bi/gay/straight UNDECIDED and curious in ye days gone by when there were no actual contructed sexualities, other than generally assumed straight and playing around where you felt like it. Well for men at least, posisbly not for women. I hate people asking me what my sexuality is... i ponder it for ages and then give a

Comments

[diana_terrill]

I know this may seem like a tangent, but it's totally not, I swear.

Last night I had long crazy dreams about all of the bad guys in every horror movie I've ever seen, plus all the horror guys that have haunted my nightmares for years, and they were all in this big creepy haunted house type place I had to go into. I was supposed to go in and get haunted, I suppose, and be scared, but I just couldn't find it in me to be afraid of any of them. I just felt sorry that this was what they had made of their life/afterlife. I found myself going from creepy person to ghoul to monster, one after another, begging them to reconsider their lives, their choices, and telling them they didn't have to be miserable for eternity, they could choose to change, choose to be kind or merciful or sorry or something that wasn't scary or horrifying, and that their afterlife could be good.

Anyway, I woke up puzzled, wondering why I'd had such a silly/strange dream. The thing is, I'd been thinking of stupid things I've done in my past, stupid choices, ridiculousness that I've perpetrated, embarrassing things, ways I've hurt people, things I wish I could have done differently, and tormenting myself with them, as I've done for years, running through the litany like a bad habit.

And the dream was me telling myself that the old monsters (memories) are nothing. They're gone. Regretting doesn't do anything for me NOW. It is time to let go. And try to make better choices every day, do things that I hopefully won't regret later.

So from a 47-year old mom, to a beautiful young woman, do what makes you happy now. Having different masks that you show to different people won't help you find what you truly seem to want, which is what every human being wants: intimacy, love, affection. A person to share the intimate parts of a life with. When you make a choice, wonder to yourself what you will regret least later.

I know, long sermon, but I do mean well. <3

[seanbug]

aw thats nice, i completely understand what you're saying. i guess me problem just now feels like i don't know how to get what i want, I've suddenly changed into wanting a different sort of life to the one i've been livin for the past few years and its frightening me a bit, because i'm not sure if its a phase... or... what or something.
Incidentally, I had a dream that someon shouted "Sleep no more! Macbeth doth murder sleep! Macbeth shall sleep no more!" and woke up utterly confused and a bit shaken! :-P