(no subject)
I'm a little pissed off. I found out that Terry has been running around with Will and Steve, and she's managed to finally make it to both Anime Night and Board Game Night in one whole week. I begged her to go to those functions in the past, but she "never had the time". I guess miracles really do exist.
I've done my bloody best not to be bitter about this whole breakup. She did a lot of crappy things before and after, but I'm no saint, and I did plenty of crappy things myself. I let them go. I didn't say she couldn't hang out with any of my friends. They all made their decisions themselves. Some, like Will, chose to remain friends with Terry. Others did not. Such is life. I did not ask any of my friends to make such a choice.
But for some reason, it really gets my goat that she's doing this. I was even quiet when Irish Fest came and went (no one told me) and she took Steve there. I was upset, but I didn't go on any screaming rampages or anything. I just sort of sat in my apartment and wondered when it would stop hurting. I'm not sure if it has, but I feel okay for the time being.
I really liked the idea of anime night and board game night. I asked her many times, many times if we could go. She kept telling me "no". And now, like magic . . . grr . . .
And people are wondering why I'm so upset?
Obligatory ranting aside - soon I will have a cell phone again. I'm very happy, because I haven't been able to get in touch with anyone since mine got shut off. For the sake of not causing problems I will not reiterate the story. Doubtless enough people have heard one version of the story, and I'm not out to sling mud. It's done with.
It's been rough without one. I've been turned down for jobs simply because I don't have a phone. None of the places I've applied for can even contact me. I tried going back to these places after application, but that hasn't turned out so well. But within a week that problem will be alleviated. On to phase two - employment. Beyond that, I don't know. Part of me wants to start dating again in the future, but after what's just happened to me I don't even know if I want to anymore. A good friend drilled some sense into me regarding dating about a week or so ago, and her words are still drifting around in my head, keeping me focused on phase two for the interim.
Still, there is a lot to be said for dating. Something about loving a person and having them return that love . . . it's the greatest thing in the world. Unfortunately it is nigh impossible to tell if the other person loves you back. I am currently under the belief that I have only felt that twice in my life, though I might still be pretty bitter and excluding a possible third (but that's how breakups work, right?)
My mom is getting re-married. And I found out that she was married to another man before she married my father - and I was already born. I was another man's son for a year and a half. Both of my parents insist that I am their biological son, and my birth certificate says (I think) the same thing, but it's still an unsettling thought. And now she's marrying her current boyfriend (who I didn't even know she had, again, no phone) and I'm stuck out here wondering WTF?
I am so confused right now. It used to be in my life that when either of my parents did something really stupid with the potential to either fuck me up or make me upset, Terry would reign me in and call them asses and say something profound. Now, not so much. Everyone else is telling me to be happy for my mom.
I don't handle change well. This is change of the worst sort.
I need a drink. And other things, unnamed things best kept for private.
And I need to see X3. Everyone else has. Hell, there was a big outing that I wasn't invited to. *tear*
But life goes on. I will persevere. I will find a way. If there's a way to do this, I will find it, and I will do it.
*ROAR*
I've done my bloody best not to be bitter about this whole breakup. She did a lot of crappy things before and after, but I'm no saint, and I did plenty of crappy things myself. I let them go. I didn't say she couldn't hang out with any of my friends. They all made their decisions themselves. Some, like Will, chose to remain friends with Terry. Others did not. Such is life. I did not ask any of my friends to make such a choice.
But for some reason, it really gets my goat that she's doing this. I was even quiet when Irish Fest came and went (no one told me) and she took Steve there. I was upset, but I didn't go on any screaming rampages or anything. I just sort of sat in my apartment and wondered when it would stop hurting. I'm not sure if it has, but I feel okay for the time being.
I really liked the idea of anime night and board game night. I asked her many times, many times if we could go. She kept telling me "no". And now, like magic . . . grr . . .
And people are wondering why I'm so upset?
Obligatory ranting aside - soon I will have a cell phone again. I'm very happy, because I haven't been able to get in touch with anyone since mine got shut off. For the sake of not causing problems I will not reiterate the story. Doubtless enough people have heard one version of the story, and I'm not out to sling mud. It's done with.
It's been rough without one. I've been turned down for jobs simply because I don't have a phone. None of the places I've applied for can even contact me. I tried going back to these places after application, but that hasn't turned out so well. But within a week that problem will be alleviated. On to phase two - employment. Beyond that, I don't know. Part of me wants to start dating again in the future, but after what's just happened to me I don't even know if I want to anymore. A good friend drilled some sense into me regarding dating about a week or so ago, and her words are still drifting around in my head, keeping me focused on phase two for the interim.
Still, there is a lot to be said for dating. Something about loving a person and having them return that love . . . it's the greatest thing in the world. Unfortunately it is nigh impossible to tell if the other person loves you back. I am currently under the belief that I have only felt that twice in my life, though I might still be pretty bitter and excluding a possible third (but that's how breakups work, right?)
My mom is getting re-married. And I found out that she was married to another man before she married my father - and I was already born. I was another man's son for a year and a half. Both of my parents insist that I am their biological son, and my birth certificate says (I think) the same thing, but it's still an unsettling thought. And now she's marrying her current boyfriend (who I didn't even know she had, again, no phone) and I'm stuck out here wondering WTF?
I am so confused right now. It used to be in my life that when either of my parents did something really stupid with the potential to either fuck me up or make me upset, Terry would reign me in and call them asses and say something profound. Now, not so much. Everyone else is telling me to be happy for my mom.
I don't handle change well. This is change of the worst sort.
I need a drink. And other things, unnamed things best kept for private.
And I need to see X3. Everyone else has. Hell, there was a big outing that I wasn't invited to. *tear*
But life goes on. I will persevere. I will find a way. If there's a way to do this, I will find it, and I will do it.
*ROAR*