More of Chuck Norris
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson's disease.
Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down!
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris' penis is actually a fully developed blue whale and his balls are actually made out of brass.
Chuck Norris makes egg salad with nunchucks.
It is impossible for Chuck Norris to rape anyone because who would turn Chuck Norris down?
Chuck Norris' beard trimmings are a source of 7 essential nutrients.
In forty years time, people will no longer die, not because of advanced medical science, but rather because when death came for Chuck Norris, Chuch Norris came looking for death...
Chuck Norris always wins Connect Four in six turns or less.
In 2001, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Alex Trebek's mustache off after not answering in the form of a question
Chuck Norris once visited the great northwestern redwood forests and had his penis mistaken by a tour guide for a giant sequoia.
Germans suffered 4 millon casualties during World War 2. 80% were roundhouse kick related, the rest ate nails to avoid the suffering.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
There are two things on Earth visible from space; The Great Wall of China, and Chuck Norris's package.
Chuck Norris does not know how to swim, but water is too afraid to do anything about it.
There really are two ways to kill a werewolf: a silver bullet and Chuck Norris. Only, Chuck Norris is a werewolf and can roundhouse kick a silver bullet.
When Chuck Norris had to undergo surgery after catching a number of cannonballs with his stomach, he punched out the doctors and took hold of the scalpel himself. The following report, written in blood, states his stomach contents were four feet of barbed wire, two pounds of granite, fire, and the skeleton of a circus strongman.
When Chuck Norris was 7 years old, he played T-ball in his town's little league. All of the other kids would make fun of little Chucky because of his beard. One day, in order to send a message, Chuck took aim and hit a line drive so hard, it hit an outfielder and obliterated the kid's face into dust particles. The child's lifeless decapitated body lay there with brain matter sprayed all about. To this day, Chuck Norris will pimp slap anybody who gives him any shit about it.
Tony Danza reports to Chuck Norris.
CNN was originally the "Chuck Norris Network" but was later changed to a news station because the awesomeness of a Chuck Norris network kept blowing up satellites, TVs, and viewers' eyeballs.
When Chuck Norris farts, it smells like freshly baked cinnamon rolls
Scientists from 50 different countries tried to measure the speed of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick. They will be missed.
Before Chuck Norris, it used to take the Earth 365 days to revolve around the sun. Then in the fall of 1976, Chuck Norris performed a roundhouse kick so powerful, the shockwave caused the Earth to slow and since then it now takes the Earth 365 and 1/4 days to revolve around the sun
Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 1/2 hot dogs in twelve minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 asian babies in 50 1/2 minutes
One time during the company Christmas party, Chuck Norris was getting a handjob from a co-worker in the basement. The sheer power of his climax blew out the foundations of the building killing all the corporate profit-mongers. Chuck Norris crawled out of the building, refreshed and satisfied.
Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility
Chuck Norris once took sleeping pills. They made him blink
The only word in the English language that rhymes with "orange" is "Chuck Norris".
The atomic bomb was created by splitting Chuck Norris's sperm. When testing the weapon it was heard that EVERYONE east of the Rockies became pregnant.
Chuck Norris will be the next Governor of Texas. Hollywood is writing the script for "Governator vs. Goveranger". In the end, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks California into the ocean.
Chuck Norris violates all the laws of Science, God, Man and Nature in that he is both a pirate and a ninja, simultaneously
Osama Bin Laden is not hiding in the mountains of Tora Bora from the United States. But instead, he is hiding from Chuck Norris because Bin Laden claims his beard possesses more power and strength than Chuck Norris'. Needless to say, Chuck Norris is fucking pissed off.
Chuck Norris attends Spring Break every year because where there's drinking, there's fighting, where there's fighting, there's kicking, and where there's kicking, there's Chuck.
In a filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris made it to a crime scene so fast, that scientists were forced to admit the shortest distance between two points isn't always a straight line.
A break in the space-time continuum occurred on July 9th, 1986. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a guy into Mr. T while he was pitying some fool. Mr. T and Chuck Norris had words (better known as jibba jabba). Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Mr. T at the exact moment Mr. T punched him in the chest. The result was an alternate universe where Mr. T roundhouse kicks people and Chuck Norris pities fools.
They originally cast Chuck Norris' wang as the snake in Anaconda, but had to use a CGI snake because they couldn't get all of Chuck's penis in frame.
Chuck Norris actually played the shark from Jaws in all four movies. They left him out of the credits for legal purposes.
There is an alternate scene from Star Wars: Episode I where Jar Jar Binks is actually played by Chuck Norris. It was changed because Chuck Norris kept saving the galaxy by himself and the Jedi had nothing to do.
Chuck Norris is the reason there can only be two Sith Lords at a time.
Chuck Norris played the asteroid in Armageddon.
Chuck Norris wrote his own ten commandments, but God changed them. That's the reason no one can see God; he's hiding.
There is no such thing as manna from heaven; only dandruff from Chuck Norris' beard.
The original version of the Book of Revelation states that the world will end with a series of roundhouse kicks from Chuck Norris. It was later changed to its current version because too many p
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson's disease.
Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down!
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris' penis is actually a fully developed blue whale and his balls are actually made out of brass.
Chuck Norris makes egg salad with nunchucks.
It is impossible for Chuck Norris to rape anyone because who would turn Chuck Norris down?
Chuck Norris' beard trimmings are a source of 7 essential nutrients.
In forty years time, people will no longer die, not because of advanced medical science, but rather because when death came for Chuck Norris, Chuch Norris came looking for death...
Chuck Norris always wins Connect Four in six turns or less.
In 2001, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Alex Trebek's mustache off after not answering in the form of a question
Chuck Norris once visited the great northwestern redwood forests and had his penis mistaken by a tour guide for a giant sequoia.
Germans suffered 4 millon casualties during World War 2. 80% were roundhouse kick related, the rest ate nails to avoid the suffering.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
There are two things on Earth visible from space; The Great Wall of China, and Chuck Norris's package.
Chuck Norris does not know how to swim, but water is too afraid to do anything about it.
There really are two ways to kill a werewolf: a silver bullet and Chuck Norris. Only, Chuck Norris is a werewolf and can roundhouse kick a silver bullet.
When Chuck Norris had to undergo surgery after catching a number of cannonballs with his stomach, he punched out the doctors and took hold of the scalpel himself. The following report, written in blood, states his stomach contents were four feet of barbed wire, two pounds of granite, fire, and the skeleton of a circus strongman.
When Chuck Norris was 7 years old, he played T-ball in his town's little league. All of the other kids would make fun of little Chucky because of his beard. One day, in order to send a message, Chuck took aim and hit a line drive so hard, it hit an outfielder and obliterated the kid's face into dust particles. The child's lifeless decapitated body lay there with brain matter sprayed all about. To this day, Chuck Norris will pimp slap anybody who gives him any shit about it.
Tony Danza reports to Chuck Norris.
CNN was originally the "Chuck Norris Network" but was later changed to a news station because the awesomeness of a Chuck Norris network kept blowing up satellites, TVs, and viewers' eyeballs.
When Chuck Norris farts, it smells like freshly baked cinnamon rolls
Scientists from 50 different countries tried to measure the speed of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick. They will be missed.
Before Chuck Norris, it used to take the Earth 365 days to revolve around the sun. Then in the fall of 1976, Chuck Norris performed a roundhouse kick so powerful, the shockwave caused the Earth to slow and since then it now takes the Earth 365 and 1/4 days to revolve around the sun
Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 1/2 hot dogs in twelve minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 asian babies in 50 1/2 minutes
One time during the company Christmas party, Chuck Norris was getting a handjob from a co-worker in the basement. The sheer power of his climax blew out the foundations of the building killing all the corporate profit-mongers. Chuck Norris crawled out of the building, refreshed and satisfied.
Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility
Chuck Norris once took sleeping pills. They made him blink
The only word in the English language that rhymes with "orange" is "Chuck Norris".
The atomic bomb was created by splitting Chuck Norris's sperm. When testing the weapon it was heard that EVERYONE east of the Rockies became pregnant.
Chuck Norris will be the next Governor of Texas. Hollywood is writing the script for "Governator vs. Goveranger". In the end, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks California into the ocean.
Chuck Norris violates all the laws of Science, God, Man and Nature in that he is both a pirate and a ninja, simultaneously
Osama Bin Laden is not hiding in the mountains of Tora Bora from the United States. But instead, he is hiding from Chuck Norris because Bin Laden claims his beard possesses more power and strength than Chuck Norris'. Needless to say, Chuck Norris is fucking pissed off.
Chuck Norris attends Spring Break every year because where there's drinking, there's fighting, where there's fighting, there's kicking, and where there's kicking, there's Chuck.
In a filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris made it to a crime scene so fast, that scientists were forced to admit the shortest distance between two points isn't always a straight line.
A break in the space-time continuum occurred on July 9th, 1986. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a guy into Mr. T while he was pitying some fool. Mr. T and Chuck Norris had words (better known as jibba jabba). Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Mr. T at the exact moment Mr. T punched him in the chest. The result was an alternate universe where Mr. T roundhouse kicks people and Chuck Norris pities fools.
They originally cast Chuck Norris' wang as the snake in Anaconda, but had to use a CGI snake because they couldn't get all of Chuck's penis in frame.
Chuck Norris actually played the shark from Jaws in all four movies. They left him out of the credits for legal purposes.
There is an alternate scene from Star Wars: Episode I where Jar Jar Binks is actually played by Chuck Norris. It was changed because Chuck Norris kept saving the galaxy by himself and the Jedi had nothing to do.
Chuck Norris is the reason there can only be two Sith Lords at a time.
Chuck Norris played the asteroid in Armageddon.
Chuck Norris wrote his own ten commandments, but God changed them. That's the reason no one can see God; he's hiding.
There is no such thing as manna from heaven; only dandruff from Chuck Norris' beard.
The original version of the Book of Revelation states that the world will end with a series of roundhouse kicks from Chuck Norris. It was later changed to its current version because too many p